malvarosa wrote (edited )

Haha welllll, first of all I will credit Garrett McQueen, a “so-called classical” musician and activist, with putting words to these thoughts. His podcast is called Trilloquy and it’s great.

I am mostly referring to music made in the 18th century by the whites:

A good number of the most well-known classical musicians were awful people and, historical context considered, I don’t believe it’s ethical to continue to grant them or their music with a cult-like sacred status. Yet this is exactly how gatekeepers in the so-called classical music scene come to the defense of any pointed critiques of the perpetuation of white supremacy in classical music, classical music programming, and arts programming more broadly.

Just as you would suspect, the naming and interrogation of white supremacy in any institution—classical music especially it seems—is met with ferocious opposition and suppression. In ballet, choreographers, and composers, often receive the same uncritically sacred status.

The institution of Ballet is deeply rooted in white supremacy, and mostly does maintain it through its own mechanisms as well as being complacent with institutional white supremacy of classical music.

Unless arts programmers make conscious and discerning decisions against the perpetuation of racism and those decisions are made by/with BIPOC, ballet and classical music uphold racism both separately and together.

And while I don’t have any real strong opinions on the eradication of so-called classical music from problematic composers, I know that plenty of contemporary musicians and activists are calling for just that. What I’m most concerned about is adding a critical analysis to arts education and programming more generally so that these institutions can do their part to abolish whiteness.

Luckily, there seems to be a growing number of BIPOC and white traitor artists and activists who are working towards these goals and naming white supremacy for what it is. So that’s cool.

Really can’t stress enough how late this type of interrogation into the ubiquity of white supremacy is, considering the evolution of public displays of white power currently. D:<


malvarosa wrote

I like this question! I’m into Camille Saint-Saëns’ pieces. If you like piano: Florence Price and Amy Beach are legends. The Coppelia and Swan Lake suites are dope. Everything from William Grant Still is fun and dramatic. I am an amateur ballerina so I have opinions about this music.


malvarosa wrote (edited )

I totally feel this! Good to know that you already have folks you can be open and direct with.

For those who are not—like my family—I just decided one day to speak to them the way I wanted to be spoken to. Same with friends who weren’t comfortable being vulnerable about feelings. It was awkward I guess but like other things that are uncomfortable (calling out racism/sexism/homophobia etc) I just forced myself to do it.

I’m not saying making people uncomfortable with all the fEeLiNgs talk is the best thing to do, but I have seen a change in some of my folks who weren’t as honest before. I think they just needed an example.

For those who can’t or won’t, and it was seriously weighing on my psyche, I have reduced the amount of time and attention they have in my life. Not as punishment for them but as self care for me.

You deserve it!


malvarosa wrote

You’re not alone! I get like this sometimes and I’m so convinced that I’m right because I myself get really overwhelmed by other people’s emotional outpouring.

What this means for me is that, 1) I’m not a bad person because I get irritated by my friends sometimes, I’m just generally overwhelmed and I need to care for myself; doesn’t mean I don’t love them. And 2) It’s okay if I sometimes stress other people out without meaning to, because they are human and only have so much energy to share each day. Neither of these things should result in a lost friendship and if they do I am better off without that friend.

But it is scary to feel like we might be pushing people away because we would suffer even more if we find ourselves alone without anyone to care for us when we need it. It’s normal to feel this way. It’s also beneficial to remind yourself that this will never happen. No one is ever truly alone it just starts to feel that way sometimes.

In a perfect world, everyone would communicate their emotional boundaries and energetic capacity with each other so no one is caught off guard and everyone’s emotional capacity is respected. It’s also nice to know when we need to find support elsewhere or be supportive to those who need it when they need it.

This kind of communication is scary and vulnerable and unfortunately just takes lots practice and commitment—just like anything else worth having!



malvarosa wrote

Wholesome af!

I’m not a biologist but I think this would only be bad if they were domesticated and thus unable to fend for themselves, or—most importantly—being released into a foreign environment.

Love the energy though!


malvarosa wrote (edited )

I deal with similar issues, although nothing I listen to is quite as overt as what you’re describing.

Sucks because it seems nearly everything is problematic, especially if your tastes are cursed like mine and you love mostly old things. Misogyny, racism, gender binary, and heteronormativity are virtually inescapable in old films and music. I try to balance my indignation for these things with a wholesome/anti fascist palate cleanser. It’s nice to have a playlist like this on hand for when you need a reboot.

I had a pirated copy of skrewdriver’s first album, before they came out as fascists. I copied that cd (real compact disc hours) so many times until my copy finally became unreadable.

Shamefully, I tried to find it online (for free of course) and it was actually really difficult for me to find in my halfhearted 10-15 minute search (not tech savvy whatsoever—remember cds).

I was comforted by this. Even though I think that album is one of the best punk records of all time: fuck those dudes! They deserve to be deplatformed into obscurity! Whatever pleasure I may have gotten out of it is ultimately not worth lending fascists any more exposure. And that first album is no doubt an entry point for their abhorrent work that followed.

But then I absolutely listen to problematic rap. I just have to assume that we are all doing our best with what we’ve got and being mindful of the garbage we consume. And your best might actually be one third greater than everyone else since you are in fact 3 halves of a person!!


malvarosa OP wrote

I often wonder if I have adhd. I’ve never been diagnosed but I deal with a lot of the same shit as my friends who have been diagnosed.

Good to know about the 3 day thing! I’m going to try this.

Here’s a couple I wrote during a particularly rough night:

You must try to sleep
Try harder and you won’t sleep
You lose either way


Subjected to them
While we dream we are tortured
Wake to real fears


malvarosa OP wrote

That’s a great strategy! I guess the first thing I need to learn is self-discipline, because it’s very rare that I follow through with any goal that I didn’t have an outside obligation to achieve.

I’m not a regular journaler, but I do write occasionally. Mostly just really bad haiku when I’m in the feels.


malvarosa wrote

Wow ok. I used to think zizek was smart.

It’s a great art, he says, how to be an asshole and away with it. Meritocratic bullshit!

Political correctness is just oppressed controlled racism? Can you oppress racism? Did he mean REPRESSED racism?

Also, no one fucking says you can call me n***** after receiving a racist remark. Wtf.

And of course, the monolithic community of Native Americans (headquartered in Minnesota) has spoken to zizek and told him that we actually all prefer to be called Indians. Lmao

I mean no shit, essentialized notions of indigenous people perpetuate harm, but so too does white people assuming they always know everything about the ways colonized people want to be referred and spoken to. Isn’t that just another symptom of white supremacy?


malvarosa OP wrote (edited )

Hi! Thanks!

I can’t ever sit still long enough to practice meditation. Yoga is beneficial to me in a group setting. At home I typically lack the motivation to do stretches even though I really love stretching. The brain is a cruel mistress.


malvarosa OP wrote

Totally. Except I’m personally not experienced in meeting new people online. I prefer getting a physical feel for new sexual/romantic partners. It’s much easier to lie about who you are/what you want on the internet than it is to lie about those things directly to my face. But as far as I’m concerned dating in general is hostile to my mental health. And again that’s not what I’m looking for here but I am down to flirt.