hermit_dragon wrote

I've been super harmed by both, but psychology has been least harmful, or at least included some maybe useful tools.

Suuuuper wary of both tho - all the pathologizing and 'treatments' seem to be waaaaay more about creating compliance than easing disstress. Idk. How I feel about them is I need help bad but probably not that 'help' anymore.


hermit_dragon wrote

Apart from spouse critter? Not anymore - complex trauma, ongoing abuse, and disability/ableism took care of that.

I fought tooth and nail not to become this isolated. It's bad for me and bad for my only relationship. But idk, the world won I guess?

I think I'm just broken in some fundamental ways that make me too difficult for others. I would rather be isolated than harmful or a burden on individuals and communities.

I really miss having friends, social support, and belonging though...


hermit_dragon wrote

Reply to Friday Free Talk by vMU9

Survival is boring omg. I want a life again.

I joined a trans/nonbinary choir tho so good start? Good start.

Newcity is bettercity.


hermit_dragon wrote

This is a good piece - though it's about Desi culture, it makes me think about how in my life this has extended to also being the 'keepers of etiquette' ie the pressure to keep the 'men' in your life in line, behaving politely, etc. Being held responsible for my (past) boyfriends manners and social interaction as a person-presumed-to-be-a-woman is a whole burden I loathe being coerced into,. Especially since realizing I'm nonbinary.

Boyfriend drunk and rude at a party? Somehow that's your fault/you're responsible/you should have ensured he wasn't/you should have kept an eye on him. He's badly dressed and unkempt? Your fault. That kind of thing.

Reminds me of the whole 'damned whores and gods police' dichotomy - women are either fallen, or the handmaidens of manners, etiquette, and godliness (and white women the handmaids of colonial values and Christianity).


hermit_dragon wrote

I don't know if my perspective is appropriately anarchist, but I've decided to stop worrying about that regarding this kind of thing. I'll just speak as a survivor of CSA.

So in a nutshell? My argument would be: Raping children is not okay, and I'm not going to be okay with any anarchist who claims it's anarchist or 'liberating the youth' to rape children. And that's all that need be said to them, imo.

That doesn't mean I ignore nuance when it comes to teens etc, or want to ignore how things like age of consent are legally imposed, and how they are badly imposed (arresting teenagers for sharing nude pictures with other teenagers, for eg) but I don't think people like your friend are arguing in good faith.

I think we don't have to have a detailed intellectual argument as to why and how raping children is not okay. I think it should be ok to just be like 'I'm not okay with rape, especially of children/vulnerable people within others power/people in others care'. I think most people actually do understand that power differentials, maturity, anatomy, etc mean that there's no such thing as 'adult sex with children' or 'attraction to children' - just 'wanting to rape vulnerable people who cannot fight back and can be entirely controlled by you'. That's why I call them pedosadists.

In fact, I'm suuuuuuper exhausted with how this is 'the argument' a lot of people in anarchist spaces seem to want to have. I'm tired of having to be on guard for apologism everywhere I go. Like, with all the issues we're facing, of all the things we could focus on, some folks seem oddly invested in putting all their energy into 'abolish age of consent!!'?

Personally, I find anyone who focuses on that 'argument' instantly suspicious, and probably a predator, and therefore not worth the energy of a real discussion. Like why would folks go around arguing about how pedosadism is maybe ok unless they have some kind of vested interest? >_>

So yeah - I guess how I'd end that argument is with 'why are you so invested in this argument, friend? Why is this what you want to explore right now?'


hermit_dragon wrote

Are you looking for any particular style or medium?

I do art, but I'm not particularly a finished digital artist, I grew up doing physical media. I know digital work can be easier when collaborating at a distance tho.

I'm just getting back into things and a lil rusty, but I'd love to take a run at any of the concepts to see if I might suit or send you some samples of past work.

Are you thinking of working with one artist or multiple folks if people are interested? 50 pages could provide scope for a cool pastiche of multiple artists and styles.

Cool project! Very rad :)


hermit_dragon wrote

Very agree!

Meritocracy always has to be predicated first on a definition of 'merit' and who is doing the defining has been/will always be those with some axis of power. Un-learning the idea of merit has been core to un-learning ableism, racism, and all sorts of stigma in myself, toward myself, and toward others.

To the dominant society I inhabit, I have no 'merit' - or any merit I do have is rendered useless by my 'deficits'. To that world, I am nothing but unrealized potential, useless and worthless unless I overcome my deficits and live up to my potential for merit. My lack of merit justifies withdrawing or refusing support, denying me the ability to live and be fully and freely. Fuck merit.


hermit_dragon wrote

I think it it always happening, on micro and macro levels, all the time, or it is nothing and nowhere. I think revolution (thinking about words, the world itself acknowledges an ongoing process, a revolving, a wheel and a momentum churning) is not a goal or an end point, but a constant, endless process. I think we are all part of it, here, and in our affinity groups everywhere. Revolution is in me and exists in every cell of me, in my essence and spirit, in my actions, in my thoughts, in my interactions. It will always always be necessary and it will never be finished.

I can only quote Le Guin

"Revolution is our obligation: our hope of evolution. The Revolution is in the individual spirit, or it is nowhere. It is for all, or it is nothing. If it is seen as having any end, it will never truly begin."


hermit_dragon wrote

I am pretty sure the anti-civ folks I'm interacting with round here would totally come together in the spirit of mutual aid and help my disabled trans family survive and maybe we'll synthesize our own hormones from yams :)

Well, I mean. I remain hopeful!

I've always hated our civilization - I used to hate it in way more unexamined, colonial, ableist, problematic ways. Now I know how to hate it better XD - because I've grown as a person, and learned, and good anti-civ stuff has been part of that.


hermit_dragon OP wrote

Ugh thank you - it's so good to just hear that others have similar feelings and I'm not just being silly, you know? And that's it's okay to need things.

Going for a confusing look is totally work - I think this writing has been good, because it's reminded me that it was work I used to enjoy. And that people were always shitty, but giving the world two huge middle fingers was a big part of how I expressed myself and dealt with that. And you're right - I need to focus a little less on the people who don't and won't get it, and be around the people who do more.

I ended up getting to the choir rehearsal - it helped so much because it was AMAZING. There were like, 20 or more nonbinary folks there (more than I have ever seen in one place in my life). I cried, it was so good. And everyone was so welcoming, and everyone was just doing their own thing with presentation and transition and things. Being actually around other trans folks helps so so much.

I think yeah, I just really need to get my craft space + supplies sorted out again, and slowly find places I can buy goth/alternative things to add to what I have, and build up my collection of 'me-costume' again. Writing that post, even if I was just freaking out, helped me let go of some of the grief over the stuff I lost, and makes me feel better about moving on to creating new things.

I can't thank you enough for your empathy and help. It means the world to me <3


hermit_dragon wrote

I'm so glad I am able to have access to a power chair - 0 people have done this since I was lucky enough to get it. Back when I had my non-electric one, an actual old lady moved me around to the line she thought was the 'right' one at the airport, without asking. It was the first time for me having something like that happen, and I was shocked af. I'd heard people do it, but it was still... ugh, just appalling.


hermit_dragon wrote (edited )

Oh, and I'm intolerant to ingesting large amounts of soy, nuts, and a bunch of other things that a vegan diet (especially) relies on to provide essential nutrients. Like so much so that I have to avoid vegan cakes/confections because I will have projectile vomiting 10 mins later. A soy latte alone can make me sick for a day.

So someone would need to help me (and spouse, who has similar issues) learn a whole new set of nutrition and navigate alternatives. Because we both deal with exhaustion and brainfog and learning an entire new nutritional discipline, and finding ways to make sure it doesn't make both of us incredibly sick, is actually difficult

So you start to see some of the nuances and complexities that happen when you start to deal with idk, actual individuals with actual individual situational needs?

I hope so.