Sita by Kate Millet

Its really painful n beautiful.

Its a diary turned memoir-esque experience about the death of love.

Its last days, months.

I love it but it is heartbreaking.

On anarchy, no.

2 gr8 fiction books i just read were Mexican Gothic--a horror book-- and And Shall machines surrender--queer cyberpunkish scfi mystery/thriller.

Both were short sweet and very fun.

Boy puberty really damaged by breast and vaginal development lemme tell ya.

Our fireplace.

Mom had a wood burning stove that we would use for parts of fall n most of winter. I would sleep by it, some nights and the cats and dog would sleep by me as well. Mostly cause I had a blanket for the extra warmth. I'd just fall asleep to the sounds of embers burning their last. It smelled great.

When I hit like 16 n started going through boy puberty (🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮) she would let me help n chop the firewood.

I loved the smell of sweat mixed with just...pulverized wood? It was a very enjoyable and tactile thing.

Our house is now bulldozered and will be replaced with a 3 story monstrosity that looks like the 3 other houses that were demolished and built into the exact suburban but still hip mini mansion that has no room for nature. No tree or bushes or plants. Just enough space for a strip of lawn.

Sorry for ranting. I hate New houses I hate mcmansions and I hate that I miss the house I grew up. I despise nostalgia but am feeling too much of it these days.

Honestly? A lot of lesbian erotic art, im slowly buying books, so bookshelves, low, occasionally colorful, lighting, more queer art.

I want more plants. More of all of that tbh.

Cook, garden, write, fuck, send nudes, write some more, make weird sculpture, try my hand at making so much more in my life vegan.

I'd say try sewing but we all know thats a lie.

A hot queer friend told me and my partner we should live with them on the east coast when trump wins. We have never met in person. They have 2 children. I don't understand a single ounce of the logistics of it. They may have been high as a kite on Xanax.

I'll prob cry n go to my job as normal n pray therapist finally calls me back.

I misinterpreted the prompt

I'll leave my shame unless ppl don't like it n the tone ot contributes.

When I sleep it's all nightmares. Often stressfull

I daydream constantly.

Getting railed by my fellow commune members, cooking, cleaning, planting, growing, foraging for my lovers/friends/community. I like to serve others food and a better home but my job eats n devours that instinct and abuses it for money.

Writing.

Being rained on.

Having a fatter set of tits.

Having a vagina n a pretty vulva. Like all vulvas r pretty but u know.

Looking like a librarian and a sex witch had a freaky Friday sorta thing happen n r now coping with the wardrobe change.

Not this world.

My writing making me money so I can quit quit quit this job that is making me so agro levels of suicidal.

Cruising.

Cruising at a punk show.

Flagging at a punk show.

A stranger/new romantic interest pissing on me. It is very ritual very outdoors n v romantic.

Confused white kid in LA, had gotten my first job all on my own(previous job I had was gotten cause my mom knew a higher up. It was just a call center thing so nothing major but I still didn't super get it on my own merits considering she sat in my interview n like made double what the HR/hiring person who interviewed me did)

The job was fast food so I quickly learned about being black n brown n poor in America. Nothing big but enough to open my eyes that there was bs going on. Not to trust whatever. But still not an awakening.

One of my friends at work, I forget her name, maybe Yvonne, n I always got along so sometimes we'd chill after work just walking around. I remember one time her parents picked her up in like a beige Mercedes or jaguar or something. She was rich as fuck! Or ar least her parents lived like it. I woulda never known. She wasn't bragging n didnt own fancy things n wasn't an asshole like all the other rich people I'd ever known.

Around Christmas I get my ear pierced n we got pierced together. I was driving my dads car, some Lexus sports car cause my dad n co were/are rich enough to do that. I got pulled over, with Yvonne, caue expired registration on the car. I didn't know that, was my dads car. First time being pulled over for me so I was nervous but ok. But Yvonne was losing it. Like terrified. Id never see her like this. Cops kinda riled her up over it a bit n she was just out of words n sweating. I thought why were they messing with her? Clearly just a kid like me being dumb n nervous. They gave me a ticket n our day ended. She was still shaken when I dropped her of at work 20 minutes later.

For reference, Yvonne was Black. When that all clicked with me l8r n I dbl checked with her n apologized for getting is pulled over, she confirmed that she'd always had bad runs in with cops. N that was the best one she'd had. Never been nicer then when I was with her. But they still were mean to her.

Fuck cops was just in my head forever after that. Maybe not as radical as acab. But this moment got me there. Sucks that Yvonne had to be some plaything in my radicalization.

PS: me assuming Yvonne wasn't rich may have also been because she was black. This job had mr do a lot of learning about assumptions n what rscism looks like on my own head. Im still growing n flawed.

I just kinda got through a tunnel of wanting to kill myself p badly to the point I was wanting to start putting the cash aside to do it n some savings for my partner so she wouldn't just blow her brains out from the stress of not being able to make rent without me. Tunnel was easily a month or two. Im still kinda numb. But im focusing in on the things that are keeping me here. Mostly my partner and a project. The hope I get to live out a few dreams one day.

I know im not caring enough n doing enough n looking at enoigh n reading enough. I am numb. Numb fucking trans idiot.

But a dead friend isn't a revolutionary. Theyre just dead. I need to grow and take care of myself in ways I haven't for years. No one else will. I need to be strong again. Not brittle brittle as I am mlw.

/u/lastfutures

First of all sorry for l8 reply bad mental times have been off raddle.

Skinny Girl Diet is a bit more screamy and melodramatic, Kitten Forever is more screamy and louder and only has bass, THICK is less hard, but they have songs they go hard ina so they are more basic feminist (I think Slutever is more confrontational and less explicitly sings about feminism but clearly addresses things through a mental health/punk/feminist lens). I woule give Alice Bag's solo work a try especially Sister Dynamite. Sick Bags is more grungy in topic and harder and faster but still has the feeling of fuck my life its all fucked. Big fan. I would also look into Pouty which is one of the people from Slutever doing solo work. Take me to honey island is much closer to Slutever but its still different. Try Amyl and the sniffers, harder but still decently agro and relatable. Try out The Donna's and their album Stay the Night. Its weird but its Cockrock written form the perspective of high school girls. It's weirdly empowering and agro. This is def the most out there recommendation I have for you. The coathangers, the feels, surfbort, and The Von Tramps are all big maybes but im a fan so I reccomended.

This is why I love Raddle. Seeing Slutever, one of my fav bands, get posted.

Spit and teen mom are some of my other favs.

Thank you for an actual person on the grounds perspective and for addressing my misconceptions.

Im def biased against the guardian as a whole n prob should mentioned it in my comment.

I don't live in New Zealand and maybe I dont know everything. But this article does NOT like Jacinda Ardern like holy fuck. I wouldn't even just call it paasive aggressive, just regular aggro.

I know the guardian is more of a conservative mag but what the fuck. I would be inclined to say some sexism, possibly a lot of it is just baked right in.

Factually this journalist seems off the rails. Polling 15 points ahead after several major political and policy victories (3 seemingly well-handled major disasters) is not a weak position. Being an extremely popular candidate is not a weak position. A PM campaigning less in the middle of an extremely busy global front does not seem "contrived" to me.

The author of this article does not seem connected to reality, but they do seem connected to some massive bias against Jacinda Arden. Whether its her liberal policies, her age, her womanhood, or something else I'll never know (mostly because subtext is difficult for me at times).

If its easy and not draining I say yes. But if you don't no biggie. Vote only really counts in a really select number of states. If researching that and registering to vote isn't a problem for you i would try to.

I say this for one reason and one reason only: disability payments. Are they completely inadequate? Yes. Do people need them to survive? Yes. I believe Trump wants to tske them away while Joe Biden has either not mentioned them or will keep as is. So for some disabled folks who need it around the country im voting biden/Harris.

But it's not like my vote matters i live in a blue area in a blue state.

I heard this argument come from a disability advocate social media account so this is not my original thought so I could be very misinformed.

The trans one does, and another queer coworker follows enough of my social medis where I blatantly post that I'm trans that I'm sure they've gotten it at this point.

The rest? No idea. I have a masc voice, a flat chest (after 3 years!!! (:(:(;), im over 6 foot in height and i wear a bit of makeup and jewelry but im not high fem and my style is def more punky/MOC.

Different coworkers gender me entirely different and I allow it because my last workplace with the same company turned into a fucking nightmare once it was out i was trans.

They didn't like call me slurs or jump me, but I was constantly having to manage my gender and deal with invasive questions from coworkers, customers that coworkers brought it up to, and management.

So im stealthing? Sort of? I vaguely reference HRT as some psych med of some kind (eg, it keeps me sane, it keeps me stable) if I need to, which I have had to do due to not having it and it affecting my work performance.

So I don't know tbh. I try not to be known at work cause I'm a transfem lesbian anarchist slut who wants customers to lift as much as they can from my big box mega retailer. The less anyone not queer knows about me, the better and a lived experience from every job and social situation I've ever been in.

I've been watching the Witcher Netflix show with my partner and maybe we're not the target audience or the 1st few episodes suck, but it suuuuuucks so bad.

It's so fucking het n feels so fucking forced. Im not demanding queerness but erg. Nothing but the Ciri plot line has any weight or value or a timeline that makes sense.

I'm breaking in some steel toed workbooks.

My Twitter account mostly follows trans girl onlyfans peeps and it is wonderful and ergy for my self confidence.

I discovered a fantasy of mine is also officially a kink of mine.

My books still haven't come in >:(.

I met another trans person at work. He is young and cool. Im desperate for social interaction so I'm just saying fuck it I guess my friends are 19 year olds right now.

I wana do more with growing food and am starting to collect reading materials but am also poking around jobs where I could learn a bit more hands on. Maybe a local indoor or outdoor growing project? Maybe a nursery? A lot of the cool ones are volunteer things with paid positions for v senior people. Problem is I work a super inconsistent 30-40 hours a week making volunteering kind of a crapshoot imo. Advice/thoughts on this issue are totally acceptable from my fellow raddlers.

No.

I would feel gross if I fucked a hot cop. whenever I see some butch lady cop I swoon then I vomit then I vomit some more.

Queer cops don't belong near my fingers nor my tongue.

My job at target regularly convinces me the species is doomed. Or at least complete extermination of the white American middle class wouldnt be bad.

The lack of masks the entitlement the buying 130 dollars of groceries n the freshest thing is a frozen bag of cheesey broccoli u steam in the bag in the microwave the shear amount of single use plastic items not even mentioning the bags.... the single drink smoothies or yogurt things for dollars the clothing made in Vietnam. When i ring it up i am 2 degrees away from a slave??? A settler thought?

The rage at being told no you can't buy 5 things lf lysol spray no

Its like doomscrolling but injected into my brain without my consent

Maybe say they were gifts from an ex-partner/dead family member/estranged family member. For new and unopened things you could say it was an ex trying to make amends but you'd rather have the cash.

I think highlighting a painful sob story is a viable route as many people don't wana talk to a craigslist rando about their broken heart.

Ex would prob work best for that.

oh wow, thanks.

I'll still hesitate to paint them in a good light, but good info to know!

my brief understanding of boogaloo peeps is that they are right nazis. The reason they don't like cops is unclear, but their main goal is to start/prep a race war so they may see cops as a barrier.

Like maybe this attack was carried out as an attempted BLM false flag, to encite violent panic against Black Americans. Except he's a boogaloo so he's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

Then why are you signal boosting their content?

I get killing our idols but source quality matters.

He pusted this shit in /f/queer, as you can tell. And it looks like it was deleted?

Look, like all idols, Harvey Milk probably wasn't the coolest dude. He probably did lots of stuff we should crit him for.

But fuck fueling the fire with ammo from right wint Christiano facists.

Also, sources. Written actual sources. Not just shit cobbled together from right wing nuts looking to shit on an (ostensibly) mainstream queer icon.

I absolutely do not field criticism of queer people from non-queer people. Why? Because everyone is queerphobic, we live in a queerphobic, racist, bootlicking, capitalist nightmare planet where all of these must be UNLEARNED ACTIVELY. Cishet peeps are absolutely not on the forefront of killing the anti-queer cop in their brains.

Is there possibly some ground to cancel a dead man based off what he did? Probably lol. This is a form for killing our idols. But ill show solidarity with a fellow queer until I hear something actual and real, before I cancel/kill/defame/whatever a queer person.

Fuck warmpotato. Fufk his lil softboi innocent act and fuck Christianity and fuck right liberatianism.

Harvey Milk ass blasting 12 year old boys is probably warmpotato's fav part about him.