GaldraChevaliere

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GaldraChevaliere wrote

Reads like some 'both sides' crap to me. Maybe, just maybe, we should learn rhetoric and literature and the arts because they have genuine value instead of an endless game of gotcha with people who think the only worth in the world is designing machines to make them more money or keeping people alive past their due date.

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GaldraChevaliere wrote

Lack of technical knowledge, time, and worries about accessing programs that I use to interact with most of the people in my life, who generally also lack the technical knowledge and time to switch over. The annoyance of putting up with Win10 and skeevy latest shit Windows is pulling is definitely pushing me towards swapping to Mint or something, but the time I usually have set aside is reserved for friends and my support network.

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GaldraChevaliere wrote

Politically? I'm not that well read. But books influenced my thoughts a lot, and I never really developed a preference for 'high' literature over 'pulp'. So, if we're talking things I grew up with, Elric of Melnibone taught me that all nobles are lying bastards, no exceptions, and when a system is broken beyond salvation, sometimes the best thing to do is to take the leap and shatter it no matter what happens to you for doing so. Dragonlance taught me about what it means to be actually noble and righteous through Sturm's character arc, and I cried for days when he died.

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GaldraChevaliere wrote

I honestly don't feel like you personally disrespect or don't value me. You've always been at the very least polite around the forum and I don't really expect that much else from somebody but a basic level of dignity. You don't come off like you're fetishizing me, but sometimes I get frustrated when cis people take their experiences as the norm and assume they're essential to all people, even cis people from other places.

I've made some really awful mistakes growing up. Everyone does. I've hurt people I cared about, I've done stupid things that impacted myself and others and burdened them. That's part of growing up for anybody. The points I really wanted to get across are just that when we say things like 'male socialization' or 'female socialization', we miss the interconnected web of bizzare and insensible and occasionally traumatizing elements that make up an adult in the modern western world, and that trying to force people to be anything leads to a lot of pain for a lot of people.

Where you did things in adulthood like not speaking up for my folk when we needed the protection, I did things in childhood like kicking down at other femmes because it was the only way I'd get respect from anyone I wasn't playing nursemaid to. I learned quickly that my body and my ability at keeping them from eating eachother alive was the only real value I had to them, and jealously guarded that position. I'm not expecting an apology from you for making those mistakes before, because as far as I can tell from talking to you on here, you're working on them and trying to change from them. I'm still young enough to be trying to change from my childhood and have respect for myself and other femmes.

It's not wrong to call trans folk on that when we're still shedding that trauma, the problem comes in the argument TERFs make that we're stained with an original sin of 'maleness', that learned savagery is innate and not a part of an intensely broken and wounding binary that they zealously uphold to maintain their superiority over anyone who doesn't resemble them, including cis women of color or bi women or lesbians who are actually attracted to other women and don't just see them as political pawns.

I really value your input and your counsel on things, and I hope you don't feel like I'm angry at you or I don't like you. Grief's a really hard beast to wrestle with, and I hope you find closure with it someday, even if it's not soon. I trust you to get better and I hope you trust me to get better too. We're all stronger together than alone.

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GaldraChevaliere wrote (edited )

I might honestly be a little young to really 'connect' with you in a way that'd leave you satisfied with the service, at least genuinely, but you couldn't be a worse client than any middle-aged cis guy with too much money and not enough friends. It'd be good practice, if nothing else. I've dated cis women but they don't usually openly look for my services.

I'm not entirely sure what you want me to do with the other part of that. Coming from a perspective of having a really weird relationship with gender growing up before I 'came out' insofar as I was detected and decided to just stop lying about being a boy since it never really worked in the first place for me, I can really see where AFAB folk are undervalued as people and assigned to what are essentially unpaid maintenance roles for society and especially cis mens' emotional states.

But growing up the way I did, that was already my job too. And it was a really awkward and ugly place to be where you're told that your worth is only definable by how much of a violent and exploitative jerk you are, but also being given all the emotional labor needs for the boys you grew up around that tacitly acknowledged you were something else, whether you admitted it or not.

Men divide the world into Men and Not-Men and if you're not sufficiently vicious and murderous enough to be a Man, you're Not-a-Man and get stuck with all of the grunt work and no appreciation, whether you've got a vagina or a penis or something ambiguously between them.

So, that was my childhood. Not-a-Man, with the acknowledgement I could never be a Man, no matter how hard I tried to fit that ideal of the ruthless hunter-killer. And with that came nursing everyone's scraped knees and wounded egoes, carrying their secrets, and being the voice of reason to their impulsive shenanigans, when I wasn't the one being stupid anyway. It came with some fucked up shit too. Trying to reach that ideal so I'd get, if not respect, then the same treatment as my Man friends, led me to do things like push things with other Not-Men friends without regard for their feelings or autonomy, or act out violently because the only means I had when I didn't have those Man friends to protect me was my tiny fists and high voice.

I dealt with men and women looking at me like a bug. I dealt with men and women, but especially men, looking at me like a piece of meat to be pounced on and eaten the moment my protectors weren't with me. I dealt with never being taken seriously, always being taken for granted, being blamed for others' misfortunes brought by their own folly. Fuck, I've literally been labeled a witch in a shitty podunk southern town I lived in, a reputation I still have there.

Sorry for typing like, a huge-ass essay. I don't expect you to respond to it all or even at all. But it's three am and I can't sleep watching horror movies and waiting for my lover to come home. But the point I'm trying to get across is I seriously get it, because I lived it. And AFAB folk face unique oppressions, but sometimes when I talk with you it seems like you focus on those oppressions to the exclusion of what trans-folk, whether AFAB or AMAB as well as fem cis gays, go through. It's not all that dissimilar. The unique hell we grow up in is one where we have to play both roles to survive, but are accepted as neither. With motherhood and survival comes honor, but most of us are lucky to make it to thirty before someone kills us.

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GaldraChevaliere wrote

Storytime, kids.

So, my girlfriend and I had an argument the other night that I need to be kinder to cishet people that aren't the ones I can count on one hand that I actually give a shit about and exhibited loyalty throughout their relationship to me. She said that most of them are bastards, but that we need them or something and the ones who aren't bastards aren't worth the risk of alienating to bite back at the people who keep hurting us.

We agreed to disagree with the caveat that I'd be more patient with the breeders in her life, a few of whom I'm ready to eat alive for their constant bullshit, but then I read things like this and it's like....why should I? What the fuck are breeders doing for us? What do the safety pins and pride parades and pointless performative cheers actually do to keep us safe? I mean hell, even in a leftist space like this I've gotten gargled at by truscum and literal cishets for 'not being accepting enough uwu' towards the people actively trying to kill us.

If you want to make my very sweet and perhaps overly optimistic partner happy, maybe you could actually do something to make me not hate you. Maybe you could stand up for a trans person for once, physically if you have to. Maybe you could get us off the streets or help us get IDs so the cops don't have another excuse to kill us. Maybe you could do more than the bare minimum of not being absolutely horrific to living people if you're all so bothered by our aggressive indifference towards you. Punch out a nazi. Jump down a terf's throat. Pay a sex worker even if you don't want to fuck her. Do fucking something.

Like, come on. I'd even take the liberal platitude of calling your goddamned senator because if this shit passes anywhere near the places I migrate between, my whole family could eat shit for it. At least let us have our fucking wage slavery, it's not like you let us have anything else. That goes for cis LGs too. Get off trans and bi folks' backs with your hyperscrutinizing shit and actually do something. You know as soon as they're done killing us they'll go for you, right?

Reply to comment by /u/bad_bad in Friday Free Talk by /u/ThreadBot

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GaldraChevaliere wrote

It doesn't sound dumb. It's easy to lose yourself in a coping strategy if you've got nothing else going on. I've spent months before just alone in the dark every day because the sun hurts my eyes and why get up anyway? Who would I be happy to see if I bothered? Like, it's not healthy, definitely. But you could find other hobbies to fill time with if you're feeling like you have nothing else to do, or you could pick up some simple, quick recipes to be able to eat at home a little more often. It takes time, but little things add up.