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Some people have sexless relationships everydayfeminism.com

Submitted by noordinaryspider in sex

It doesn't mean we don't love. It doesn't mean we don't feel pain when we are abused. It doesn't mean we don't have feelings when our relationships don't work out. It doesn't mean we aren't fit to raise children. It doesn't mean we need to be medicated or raped. It doesn't mean anything at all except that we have sexless relationships.

Comments

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1

selver wrote

Is this comic implying the one guy is asexual & his partner isn't? Is that a thing people do? Does it ever work?

5

noordinaryspider wrote (edited )

I took it to mean that sexual people were trivializing if not actively sabatoging their relationship.

I don't see why what you're describing would be doomed from the start, though. If people were honest and okay with polyamory, what would be the problem?

2

selver wrote

It's unclear, but the one guy asks him "isn't there something they could take that would fix that?" That made me think just one of them was. Polyamory would work, but whoever made the comic also thinks the question "You're at least letting him sleep around, right?" is problematic. If that's off the table too then I don't get it.

3

noordinaryspider wrote (edited )

Thank you.

I think we're also assuming that relationships have to be long term. Not all casual friendships are or are intended to be.

I don't really "get" furries either, but I don't hate them or want to say mean things to them.

4

danceparty3000 wrote

Yes, that's a thing people do, without being polyamorous. You don't have to be asexual to choose not to have sex, if people do it for religious reasons then surely you can understand how people do it for the person they love?

2

selver wrote

You say that as if I don't also believe that religious celibacy is unhealthy.

Asking someone that one loves to deprive themselves of all sex for them is bizarre to me, and I don't really see how that could be coming from a positive place.

But hey I do all sorts of unhealthy things, not for me to judge.

3

danceparty3000 wrote

Well, that's very ignorant. Sex isn't magical, you can abstain from it for no reason at all, just like anything else. There are people who like the taste of meat, and choose not to eat it.

3

selver wrote (edited )

K but there are good reasons for abstaining from meat, those people have some higher ethical values in mind. What are the good reasons for asking a person to be in a relationship with you where you aren't going to have sex with them, but no one else is allowed to either? Of course I can abstain from it, but asking others to abstain is a whole other issue. I don't see how that's an ignorant question to ask.

4

danceparty3000 wrote

Cheating on your partner is an ethical issue. If a polyamorous person wants to be in a relationship with a monogamous person, they either let it go or choose not to sleep with other people, don't they? When a monogamous relationship matures, like any other mature relationship, it loses the initial excitement of infatuation, but that doesn't change the boundaries of cheating. You might not flirt with each other anymore for precisely this reason, but that doesn't mean your partner has to let you flirt with other people. Like I said, it's not magical. There is nothing inherently healthy or unhealthy about it.

5

selver wrote

Fair enough, guess my problem is just with the monogamy, the asexual element is just an extension of that.

2

raindropq wrote

Sex isn't magical, you can abstain from it for no reason at all,

citation?

abstaining from sex because your partner doesn't want to have it isn't no reason at all. it sounds to me like the way to treat a friend. and that's magic

1

danceparty3000 wrote

What are you talking about?

2

raindropq wrote

uh, thta friendship is rooted in a trusting which some people tend to prioritize over their desire to have sex. and that some people neglect the magic of a relationship by insisting it can be have (or abstained from) without intent or purpose.

1

danceparty3000 wrote

You can abstain from a relationship for no reason at all. I'm pretty sure you can also be in a relationship, with or without sex, for no reason at all, too.

2

noordinaryspider wrote

I think some people might be reluctant to engage in an emotionally intimate relationship if it is assumed that they will be required to provide sex or that their partner will be required to abstain from sex to please them, i.e., you might desire emotional intimacy but not want to deprive someone you find attractive of sexual intimacy.

If a person is accustomed to language like "cock tease", it can be frightening to just ask. If one person has greater social capital and/or physical strength, it can be difficult for the more vulnerable person to believe that their needs will be respected.

Anyway....just curious is all, no judgement intended.