Hi everyone,

I feel like I preface all of my posts with this: But I was stabbed in March and I still live where three people were stabbed because I can’t find anywhere else to live that is suitable. So I’m dealing with the continuing effects of trauma in the background.

But as a consequence, I’m soothing with food and bingeing because I don’t know what else to do to manage my anxiety. My weight has never been higher. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I weighed today and I’m at 77kg (170 lbs) and I’m only 155cms (5’1”) tall. I can’t cope with it. So I’m going to be fasting on starting Wednesday and going for as long as I can, but at a minimum I’ll be fasting for 2 weeks because I need to drop 10kg fast because my health is suffering due to my weight.

Usually I’m best at putting all of my focus on one thing: either ED or study. I’m a full time law student. I’m only taking one subject this trimester and I have so much reading to do, plus an essay to submit before Christmas and an exam in February 2019.

So, here’s the question: How do I divide my focus between my ED and weight loss and my law degree and not half arse it?

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Lavender22 wrote on November 19, 2018 at 3:26 AM

Hi Ziyal,

I’m a high school student, and by next Monday, I have to complete two essays, a major project, and two EOC review packets, for math and lit (about 20 pages long each).

For you, the problem seems to be deciding which to focus all your attention on. For me, times like these are when it’s the easiest.

I don’t know what you do, but I purely restrict. I don’t exercise, I don’t purge. I don’t have to take any time out of my schedule. If anything, I add time to my schedule, by cutting out eating.

The issue for me is to not eat food, to not crave food, to keep myself distracted completely from food. That’s why I love times like these. Times where I can just shut myself up in my room for a week and focus purely on my studies.

My advice? Don’t divide your attention. Focus purely on your studies, so deeply and strongly that you just completely forget about food altogether.

If I lose motivation, which I sometimes do, I blackmail myself. “If I don’t finish this, I’ll fail this class.” “If I don’t get an A on this, I won’t get into college.” “If I don’t get the top grade in the class, people will think I’m stupid.” “If I don’t do well, my parents will be disappointed in me.”

Of course, every ED is different, so I don’t know how well this applies to you. But I do hope I helped. Good luck!

Lavender

GlitterVega wrote on November 19, 2018 at 11:33 PM

Work IS my me-time to be able to indulge completely in my disorder. Plenty of distractions and things to keep me occupied, nobody who really notices what I do or do not eat. When there are office culture things like pot lucks, I generally take a little bit of a few things, and go back to my desk where I might take 2-3 bites of whatever, and the rest just gets scraped around for plausible deniability.

I try very hard to not keep binge-foods on hand. The 100 kcal packs of microwave popcorn are lifesavers. Studying makes it way too easy to snack mindlessly. Plain popcorn tossed with seasonings, dried seaweed snacks, tea, sugar free hard candies, and gum are super helpful when the urge strikes. Weirdly, peppermint lip balm also makes me not want to eat.

vkomova wrote on December 19, 2018 at 2:41 AM

I used to be able to channel all of my focus and energy into certain things, it would even be a distraction from food so I welcomed it, but you can't run on empty for long, as I found out. sigh.

Now I have all the ambition and self-criticism of a perfectionist but no achievements to show for it :~)