Recent comments in /f/offmychest

SnowCode OP wrote

That's the thing. I don't give a shit about them,one of them i'm pretty sure i'll pass, the other, maybe.

But my problem is the conflict I have with my mother about it, I feel like the people around me are more stressed about my future than i'm and it fucks me up.

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lettuceLeafer wrote

Personally I find when people try to comfort me when in a predicament where death is genuinely better I find almost everything people say to be condesending. So just listen and make statements that confirm people's feelings and show that you are listening.

For example if they say X makes them want to kill themself you can say yeah, I can totally see how such suffering would make you feel that way. If they want something they will ask.

Also to give methods behind my statements I actually have been trained in how to talk to people who are like 1 hour from killing themself and usually less severe situations. So I've had a shit ton of practice and I can tell u from experience that my advice is decent.

I would be more concerned about u setting healthy boundaries tbh. Letting a depressed person drag u down and take up a ton of emotional energy almost is never healthy or helpful to either party. The amount of times suicidal people try and cope by trying to be abusive or manipulative is super common. So if u don't think u will be able to set boundaries or feel like boundaries are being pressed be okay with ditching the friendship.

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hellofriendilu wrote

When I'm dealing with strong ideation and a desire to attempt the thing that I need most is someone to just listen and affirm what I'm feeling. Making me feel guilty about who I'd leave behind isn't helpful because when I'm in that moment I believe that they're worse for knowing me and would be better off, so anyone saying otherwise is just lying.

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SnowCode OP wrote

What might help is to get her to talk about what bothers her and validate her feelings (don't suggest 'solutions', but say something to the effect 'that's really hurtful/abusive,' or even things like: 'I can't imagine being in your situation, I'm so sorry you are going through this.' -- or even, get angry on her behalf, if that makes sense).

Yes I feel like I did something bad because of this. I've shared the solutions that I did when I felt bad. But I think you're right.

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fortifiedmischief wrote

the most important thing to remember is that it's not your fault if you can't help her. Beyond that, if you feel like you have the time/energy to try, I'd talk to her privately about setting up somewhere for her to go so she's not stuck at home with her parents (like an aunt or uncle, friend, teacher, or if it has to be... a woman's shelter)

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Styx wrote

This is not easy, SnowCode, and there are no methods that would guarantee she won't act on her thoughts. Having said that, having suicidal thoughts does not necessarily mean she'll commit suicide. But it most definitely means that she is hurting a lot.

What might help is to get her to talk about what bothers her and validate her feelings (don't suggest 'solutions', but say something to the effect 'that's really hurtful/abusive,' or even things like: 'I can't imagine being in your situation, I'm so sorry you are going through this.' -- or even, get angry on her behalf, if that makes sense). Alternatively, if she doesn't want to talk, offer to share some of your hurts and traumas and see if she's willing to hear you out (I know this sounds weird, but the point is to connect in some way and some people find it more soothing to listen than talk).

Ideally, this should be done in person or at least through a phone; text chat is really not a good medium for this. But mind you, whichever way you do it, this is incredibly difficult. People in this state tend to be irritable (to understate it) and it often seems that no matter what you say, you are making things worse. However, as long as they are talking, whatever you are doing is working. The aim here is not to 'heal' them, but to help them to calm down. Ultimately though, there's only so much you can do.

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fortifiedmischief wrote

once you can give yourself permission to be the architect of your own ethic code, it can feel really good to build your own morals... but it also feels good to figure it out with other people. and those kinds of conversations make a good alternative to just blindly "caring completely about what everybody else says." it's easy to get caught up in that until you actually start talking to people about what they think of the world... and you realize it's all pretty bloody chaotic.... and everyone gets hurt and everyone does some hurting.

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fortifiedmischief wrote

it became just too tiring

boredom is a similarly effective motivator. sometimes all the tactics in the world won't pull me out of a shit time and then one day i'll wake up and just be like fuck this i'm so bored of having the same bad thoughts all the time ... and something shifts

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hellofriendilu wrote

As for your low confidence, I'm sorry if this is too patronising, but the truth is you'll grow out of it eventually.

Legit the older I get the less I actually care what other people think of what I'm doing when it's actually fully inconsequential to anyone who isn't me. I'm far less capable of being embarrassed about being myself and being authentic than I was when I was younger.

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lettuceLeafer wrote

When I was a kind my biggest fear was to be a psychopath, a sociopath or a bad, immoral person. And it seems this fear don't want to disappear.

I would be far more afraid that u r not a psychopath. Being a psychopath is incredibly based. I'm half joking

For me personally my grappling started bc I was acting extremely imorally. So when I dropped morality I felt way better. Tbh most of these things just argue with yourself and over time u'll convince urself. Just tell ur self why u shouldn't care about what others think and why u don't like morality. If u allways challenge ur gut feelings they minimiz and minimize untill they to away.

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