Recent comments in /f/offmychest

borlax wrote (edited )

Reply to comment by !deleted51398 in by !deleted51398

Resentment*

I would be concerned about young impressionable minds hearing negative things about their parent from the other parent. Will likely cause them to resent one or both of you.

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Crown_of_Ice wrote

Reply to comment by !deleted51398 in by !deleted51398

People like to say that honest communication is key in relationships, but I think there are things that shouldn't be said because they're just hurtful and inconsiderate. I think you need to way how helpful it would be to you to let out your anger and hatred toward her and how it might affect your children and if you care how it might affect your children's mom.

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borlax wrote

Reply to comment by !deleted51398 in by !deleted51398

Fair enough, defending yourself is well and good, but i feel the challenge is avoiding vocalizing your own resentment.

Best of luck all the same, yall deserve to be content.

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borlax wrote (edited )

Reply to by !deleted51398

For the sake of your kids, I hope you keep these feeling in check around them…

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figwasp wrote

I know, friend. Me too.

Solidarity.

Fwiw, I had the luxury of pushing myself to learn some tech skills. I spent 2 years busting my ass to pick up coding and did a ton of certifications on those free education sites (edx, coursera, free code camp, etc). I’d been unemployed for years due to disability and no one would hire me for any of my pre-crip jobs because I’d been out of my field too long. So I figured self-teaching would work out. But it didn’t. I applied to hundreds of jobs over the course of a year. I got 3 interviews (and one was only because I called them out after they ghosted me for requesting accommodations), no offers.

Eventually I took a part time job out of desperation. That was 5 years ago. I’m still there, so that’s something I guess. But it’s part time, no benefits, and the whole arrangement is so shitty that it’s really not giving me any good experience to help me get work elsewhere either.

Then cue covid. I finally caught it last year, and I’ve never recovered.

I keep trying new things to try and get a job (including self employment which is now my only viable option IMO), but I’m so sick, tired, and miserable, that I don’t know how this will ever work out.

I’m just hoping I die before this shit gets any worse because I can’t stomach any worse.

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Majrelende wrote (edited )

I find similarities with my own relationships, especially this part:

her parents are a very focused on the idea of "parental authority" kind if shit so she is often afraid to tell them stuff because she don't know how they will react.

You probably can percieve, but from a position of empathy I suggest being extremely careful in communicating with your lover's parents, as they might be able to take the most benign things and weaponise them.

I have no idea whether there is a way you could help. They say that "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions", but if these parents refuse to recognise Hell as Hell, all they will see is the good intentions; as far as I know nothing could change that. Maybe someone wiser would know. I know many other people with this issue as well; this awful relationship probably has to do more with the structure of society as a whole than such parents being vile people (which, functionally speaking, they currently are).

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lettuceLeafer wrote

Reply to by !deleted38719

but i am really scared of actual existing men, probably reasonably so, and actual men seem to be immature, disgusting, and not very okay or interesting at all

hahahha, I mean normie women aren't much better but they aren't allways as blatantly obvious. But yeah, men are hopeless unless someone puts effort into proving u otherwise

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SnowCode OP wrote

That's the thing. I don't give a shit about them,one of them i'm pretty sure i'll pass, the other, maybe.

But my problem is the conflict I have with my mother about it, I feel like the people around me are more stressed about my future than i'm and it fucks me up.

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lettuceLeafer wrote

Personally I find when people try to comfort me when in a predicament where death is genuinely better I find almost everything people say to be condesending. So just listen and make statements that confirm people's feelings and show that you are listening.

For example if they say X makes them want to kill themself you can say yeah, I can totally see how such suffering would make you feel that way. If they want something they will ask.

Also to give methods behind my statements I actually have been trained in how to talk to people who are like 1 hour from killing themself and usually less severe situations. So I've had a shit ton of practice and I can tell u from experience that my advice is decent.

I would be more concerned about u setting healthy boundaries tbh. Letting a depressed person drag u down and take up a ton of emotional energy almost is never healthy or helpful to either party. The amount of times suicidal people try and cope by trying to be abusive or manipulative is super common. So if u don't think u will be able to set boundaries or feel like boundaries are being pressed be okay with ditching the friendship.

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tuesday wrote

When I'm dealing with strong ideation and a desire to attempt the thing that I need most is someone to just listen and affirm what I'm feeling. Making me feel guilty about who I'd leave behind isn't helpful because when I'm in that moment I believe that they're worse for knowing me and would be better off, so anyone saying otherwise is just lying.

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SnowCode OP wrote

What might help is to get her to talk about what bothers her and validate her feelings (don't suggest 'solutions', but say something to the effect 'that's really hurtful/abusive,' or even things like: 'I can't imagine being in your situation, I'm so sorry you are going through this.' -- or even, get angry on her behalf, if that makes sense).

Yes I feel like I did something bad because of this. I've shared the solutions that I did when I felt bad. But I think you're right.

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fortmis wrote

the most important thing to remember is that it's not your fault if you can't help her. Beyond that, if you feel like you have the time/energy to try, I'd talk to her privately about setting up somewhere for her to go so she's not stuck at home with her parents (like an aunt or uncle, friend, teacher, or if it has to be... a woman's shelter)

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