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A Sense of Disconnect

Submitted by PerfectSociety in offmychest (edited )

Does anyone else feel a fundamental disconnect with others?

Growing up, I was continually rejected from being part of any collective identity group that I was around. I had learning disabilities that kept me from being one of the "smart kids". I was horrible at athletics and so could never be part of a sports team (when I tried, others would exclude me as much as possible). My family was not an especially religious one - we would do the bare minimum but would not keep up with the religious community regularly - so I never really identified much with my religion. I come from a cultural background that places extreme emphasis on academic performance as a measure of self-worth, and was told by someone at a young age that I was a "disgrace" to my ethnicity because of my subpar academic performances. (Luckily, my parents were much more benign and were always very supportive.) In high school, I was bullied by a teacher I had. He would make fun of my difficulties in following instructions, multitasking, etc. and would also pick on me because of my anxiousness. He would humiliate me in front of my peers, insult me in front of other teachers who I had good relations with, etc...

Now, the light at the end of the tunnel is that I was able to accomplish my major life goals despite this and eventually was diagnosed with my learning disabilities and started being treated for them, which made a world of difference in allowing me to overcome academic struggles. It also finally enabled me to discard my perpetual self-loathing. I am very thankful for the people who have helped me in this regard.

However, I still feel fundamentally disconnected from others. I observe them, I understand them (I can identify and comprehend their emotions as well as their ideas), and I actually do care for others and empathize with them (I care about their suffering and feel obligated to try to alleviate it). But as awful as it sounds, I think I have a certain base level of disgust that I feel towards people in general - the selfishness, the callousness, the narcissism, the enjoyment/satisfaction they get from being in control of others, the ethnocentrism, the pathological insecurity, etc...

The simplest way I can put it is this: I care about people and their well-being, but I just don't quite have a sense of genuine respect towards them. Does anyone else feel this way?

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3

ziq wrote (edited )

I'm a literal hermit and can't stand being around people, so yes.

I've only met a handful of decent people in my lifetime. The shitheads far outnumber the non shitheads.

Nothing has proven humanity is worth preserving once we're done decimating our planet for fleeting luxuries.

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good_night_right_side wrote

I feel like this all the time. In fact this kinda sums up how I feel on my worst days:

I think human consciousness, is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware, nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself, we are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self; an accretion of sensory, experience and feeling, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody is nobody. Maybe the honorable thing for our species to do is deny our programming, stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction, one last midnight - brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal.

--Russ Cole True Detective