Submitted by elyersio in offmychest (edited )

I live with my mom, who is crippled. Neither of us can drive. We've made a deal with our tenants who live in part of our house that they can get groceries for us instead, but they can only get our groceries about once every month. We're looking for someone else who can get us groceries and help Mom while I'm at school, but nobody will help us, probably because the house is a mess and we have a dog that's known to bite.

And it's my fault, at least that the house is a mess. Maybe because amongst doing everything my mom tells me to do, I enjoy the time I get to be on my computer. The sink is filled with dishes, the kitchen floor has trash on it that the dogs have chewed, there's pee spots everywhere. I don't even do my homework at home, I do it at school.

And I don't know what to think of my mom. I'm basically her slave, but she needs my care. And she's always saying something negative about me, slipped into conversation, or even in a compliment. She tells me I'm irresponsible, she's always begging me to do the dishes, she says I'm addicted to the computer. What if she's right? I mean, if I said that I don't clean up because I'm too stressed all the time from helping her, that'd be an excuse, right?

But to me, what matters more than cleaning the house, is transportation. I want to get our groceries for us. I want to get a job instead of living off the government. (from a leftist perspective, isn't it better to be a wage slave than to live off the government??) I want to take girls out on dates. But, I have to find someone to help me. The easy part is to find somebody who will take me to the DMV to get my learner's permit. The hard part is to find someone who'll teach me how to drive. (or maybe there's some driver's ed somewhere around here??)

My mom just called me, and she wants me to make tea for us today. She said I can do it later, if I'm busy doing homework or something. But I'm not doing homework, I'm writing this post. I don't think I could focus on homework here. Or maybe I just don't want to get away from this computer.

But I guess I could pick up some trash.



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WindTalk wrote

Not sure where you live, but you didn't mention: Uber, Lyft, public transportation. Ridding public transportation can be an excuse to get out of the house and be independent. Even if you have to take 10 trips a month to get stuff, it's out and about.

But to me, what matters more than cleaning the house, is transportation.

I would really focus on the cleaning and keeping up with the cleaning. Living at the bottom of society, it can be a factor in things getting worse real quick.


dele_ted wrote

I wish i could give a helping hand myself, but as far as i remember you aren't actually from Copenhagen.

I think i have an idea in regards to the transportation. I can't drive (i can, but i don't have a license), and i don't have money or the patience for public transportation. I bike everywhere instead. Literally everywhere (30+ km. sometimes means taking the bike halfway with public transportation). Besides relieving stress, and the awesome feeling of going faster than the cars on the road with the wind in your hair, it's actually a very viable option for transportation. Faster than public transport, free besides the initial investment into a bike, and good for your body.

But to me, what matters more than cleaning the house, is transportation

You should pay attention to cleaning up. It's more important than you think. A single day of hard work will make the house as clean as a hotel, and keeping up from there will only require 15 minutes or so each day, and a mindset to clean up after yourself when you're finished with a task.

Hope you figure things out. Let me know if there's anything i can do.


ziq wrote

hang in there buddy


DaisyDisaster wrote

I second dellitsni's bike idea. How far do you live from a grocery store?

You're probably on the computer a lot because you're so stressed out. I do the same thing, so I understand using it as a coping mechanism. It's not something you should feel bad about, but if it's getting in the way of doing higher priority things, you should manage it. That doesn't mean never using it again, just using it in a different way. For example, you could use it as a reward for yourself after doing 20 minutes of cleaning or getting the dishes done. Riding a bike would also help your stress levels since it'd give you a bit of exercise.

If biking is a viable option and you need help getting one, let me know. I'd be glad to help.


elyersio OP wrote

It's dangerous, there's no bike paths on the roads here. But I've done it before.

My new bike's gears are weird, if I switch to front gear 2 or 3 the back gear switches to 2. And if I adjust it to not do that, then at front gear 1, the chain goes off the gears in the back.

Hey, would you guys like an /f/cycling forum?


dele_ted wrote (edited )

Sounds like you need to adjust your derailleurs. There's little "screws" that you can turn with your fingers at both ends of the gearing cable, try turning them and see if you can fix the indexing of your gears. If that doesn't do the tricks, or your derailleurs are broken one way or the other (mine breaks all the time), you can adjust the cable directly at the gearing with a Philips screwdriver. Just unscrew, tighten or relax the cable, and screw back in. You can find more info online.

I'm all in for a bike forum, that would be awesome!

e: in regards to the missing bike paths, just stay on the few roads with paths or get to know the small roads with less traffic. Also, don't ride with music in your ears, and keep a trigger-finger on your brakes.