Submitted by SnowCode in offmychest

This is hard. I think I am starting to realize one big problem that could be the cause of other problems I talked about on here.

I don't think absolute universal morality exists. Yet I was educated with christian morals, "stealing bad", "violence is bad", "love god", etc.

I still find hard to break from morality myself and start to think with my own ethics, I don't feel "justified" in doing so, I feel like I'm a monster and yet I know this reasoning is completely flawed and dumb.

When I was a kind my biggest fear was to be a psychopath, a sociopath or a bad, immoral person. And it seems this fear don't want to disappear.

This is one of the reason I almost never open up about myself, even to friends, because I don't know how they will react and all.

I feel like I have a duty to care completely about what everybody else says. Even if it's just a complete random on the internet, because I thought the only way to be a moral person was to never hurt anyone no matter what, and accepting everyone's beliefs.

Did you ever experienced something like that? How do/did you deal with it?

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Styx wrote (edited )

When I was a kid my biggest fear was to be a psychopath, a sociopath or a bad, immoral person

Well, rest assured that no psychopath, sociopath or bad, immoral person ever suspected that they may be a psychopath, sociopath or bad, immoral person.

It's okay to have your own reasons ('ethics', if you want to call it that) for doing or not doing things. The rejection of morality doesn't mean you have to kill babies and drink their blood to prove how very anarchist you are. It's more about a recognition that those who do so-called 'immoral' acts might have very valid reasons to do so. This is perhaps putting it too plainly, but the point is not to judge, dismiss and dehumanise others. It's more about minding your own business, if that makes sense.

As for your low confidence, I'm sorry if this is too patronising, but the truth is you'll grow out of it eventually. Most of us, certainly I, went through a similar stage and snapped out of it when it became just too tiring to constantly care about what others think. And the sad truth is that pretty much nobody really cares that much. Life kind of is like an internet forum. One day we are all fervently accusing each other of being libs and two days later we forget about it and move on (or at least, most of us do).

I'll just say, sit with your feelings. Whenever those doubts come to you and make you feel really bad, just sit with them and let them take over you. Allow yourself to cry, to be sad and doubtful. The instinct says to deny them the power, but weirdly enough, allowing those feelings to do their thing makes these moments go away faster than when you are resisting them, at least in my experience.

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fortifiedmischief wrote

it became just too tiring

boredom is a similarly effective motivator. sometimes all the tactics in the world won't pull me out of a shit time and then one day i'll wake up and just be like fuck this i'm so bored of having the same bad thoughts all the time ... and something shifts

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tuesday wrote

As for your low confidence, I'm sorry if this is too patronising, but the truth is you'll grow out of it eventually.

Legit the older I get the less I actually care what other people think of what I'm doing when it's actually fully inconsequential to anyone who isn't me. I'm far less capable of being embarrassed about being myself and being authentic than I was when I was younger.

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Bezotcovschina wrote

As for your low confidence, I'm sorry if this is too patronising, but the truth is you'll grow out of it eventually.

HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE?

just kidding... unless?

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lettuceLeafer wrote (edited )

Tbh, I think age helps a bit but there are a ton of insecure adults. I think it takes more than just getting older for a lot of people.

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Styx wrote

just kidding... unless?

yeaaaah, let's just continue kidding around...

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lettuceLeafer wrote

When I was a kind my biggest fear was to be a psychopath, a sociopath or a bad, immoral person. And it seems this fear don't want to disappear.

I would be far more afraid that u r not a psychopath. Being a psychopath is incredibly based. I'm half joking

For me personally my grappling started bc I was acting extremely imorally. So when I dropped morality I felt way better. Tbh most of these things just argue with yourself and over time u'll convince urself. Just tell ur self why u shouldn't care about what others think and why u don't like morality. If u allways challenge ur gut feelings they minimiz and minimize untill they to away.

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fortifiedmischief wrote

once you can give yourself permission to be the architect of your own ethic code, it can feel really good to build your own morals... but it also feels good to figure it out with other people. and those kinds of conversations make a good alternative to just blindly "caring completely about what everybody else says." it's easy to get caught up in that until you actually start talking to people about what they think of the world... and you realize it's all pretty bloody chaotic.... and everyone gets hurt and everyone does some hurting.

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