I felt this many times before, mostly when I was in my 20's, so I will feel ya some of what worked for me. Well, if you don't find a way to channel your energy in constructing something, you will more and more hopeless. Try to break patterns in a way that will lead to more like your vision.

If you're in a complete sense of being lost, like I was many times, take a step back and start from where you last find enjoyment in your way. Little things make a difference.

Another thing, don't try to do things alone all the time. Let yourself be helped by friends and people you learn to trust in your journey. And what helps me, life is too short for bothering with stuff, if we're not having fun we're not doing it right (well I try to convince myself)

Are you single? (Asking because then I can understand if following life choises are viable for you

Find some place where you can learn skills. Learn skills that will make you handy. Learn to live handy and maybe you can offer your services for other peoples services. Maybe you can even learn to live by yourself when shit hits the fan? Build yourself and know that you can achieve anything.

Trying to be normative when you have realized you are not will never make you happy.

I'm doing kinda ok and should be doing way better in living a far more free life without work. Allthough I still need to make money I just do it through my profitable play firm. :)

If you would like some idea or me to tell u if your plan is realistic I have a fairly decent track record and ability to give u advice.

I think for this kinda thing the best plans are made when you think outside the box anarchistically, get your needs thru mutual aid and learn from punks. I think agorism coupled with anti work is a great tool for living without work as well.

I am single. I will try to go to some places like hackerspaces or stuff like that but going alone freaks me out. Also, what do you mean about the normalcy thing?

What do you mean with your last paragraph. BTW my "plan" or "dream" would be to never pay rent, and try to live in a tinyhouse or something like that and trying to do as much things as I can myself while trying to live as minimally as possible (I already spend near to nothing for myself) the rest of the time I would like to write tutorials, build opensource software and hardware and stuff like that.

That way I could have fun most of the time and make be better with less money (or so I think )

The thing is that I can enjoy stuff and all, but whenever someone says that what I'm doing worthless I just can't enjoy stuff anymore and start questioning everything.

I can be really fine and happy but when a trigger like this happen, my mood is crushed to the ground for some time. This is one of those times. It's slowly getting better by now, but I know it probably will happen again.

I'm making lists because I like to list the things I find inspiring or the things I done or want to do. Making lists and having a direction helps me calm down and have some sense of stability.

Ok I fixed it so it actually makes sense now.

Your goal is actually pretty achievable. I would say the easiest advice would for you to have enough money to retire early. Good guestimate is your cost of living per year / .04 . Or you could become self employed in a remote job where you only have to work a few hours and it covers the bills.

If you don't spend much money and get most of your needs besides buying them it's quite practical to quit working with some set up.

You might find salvation embracing absurdism. The easiest/shortest read being camu's take on the myth of sisyphus (it's ~2 pages long). I feel like you're looking for your boulder at the moment, but remember, any boulder will suffice.

This read definitely sounds very interesting. But what is the boulder a reference to here? (your last sentence)

I think I am shifting my goal toward work. I am ready to work but I don't want work to become a burden for my life, and one thing I am trying to achieve by minimizing needs and expenses would be to be able to be more flexible and free with work. I didn't even think about retirement but it's true it's would be a good thing to consider.

I don't know how to start though. I am still living at my parents but I know they are the type of person who wouldn't mind me staying here forever, but I don't. I don't know how to quit home and start trying to achieve this goal.

idk it felt like something smart and poetic 6 hours ago, but not anymore. Probably meaning idk.

I hate you /s I wanted to know >:(