I made a post in f/lobby some time ago about how I don't want to work.
I got a bit better then, I started making lists of things and actions I like and it gave me some sense that what I was trying to do was possible. But now another kind of thing hits me, I am questioning if anything of this has sense.
I am doing this to be more free and happier, but at the end of the day if I wanted to be an asshole, forgot about everything live a boring fucking normal life and I would probably happier. Stupid people are happier than anyone else, but I don't want that, I want to be free but I don't know how to be free and happy at the same time.
I don't feel tired anymore, I just feel hopeless. I don't want to die, but I don't know what to do either. Again, I am being fucking susceptible again, I feel like if someone tells me "what you're doing is worthless" (or if I just feel like it's what someone's thinking) I beleive it and I overthink it so much it ruins my week.
Please help, I don't know what I'm waiting for when writing this. I just don't know anything, I want to be happy, I don't want to commit suicide, I don't want to have a shitty boring life of work, I want to have a direction in my life.
PS: this comment makes me wonder even more. Am I just an asshole?