ziq OP wrote on March 2, 2019 at 7:52 AM (edited on March 2, 2019 at 7:54 AM)

Reply to comment by bea in Transparency: Demodded u/betterletter from f/antiwork by ziq

Specifically heterosexual ones.

I'm asexual so please don't tell me how to be asexual. You're either homoromantic or not.

bea wrote on March 2, 2019 at 4:46 PM (edited on March 2, 2019 at 4:52 PM)

heterosexual | asexual

hetero- meaning other or different
a- meaning not or without ( Used to form taxonomic names indicating a lack of some feature that might be expected )

Pick one. You can't do both. It's either sexual attraction to the opposite binary gender or no sexual attraction at all.

I am also asexual and from reading raddle I seem to actually be somewhat in touch in the wider ace community than most of you here so don't tell me and most other aces what being ace is.

Stop erasing Asexuality.

ziq OP wrote on March 2, 2019 at 6:13 PM (edited on March 2, 2019 at 6:14 PM)

TIL heteroromantic cisgender asexuals aren't real.

And I'm the one erasing asexuality.

Plenty of asexuals get off to exclusively heterosexual imagery; this makes them herero. Whether they have full intercourse or not.

bea wrote on March 2, 2019 at 8:08 PM

Yeah but they are are heteroromantic, not heterosexual or straight, aces. That's like the whole point of my comments.

Umm, but a huge number of them also don't...

Some do it just to have something in there while their libido is being annoying and there's also a lot who don't masturbate at all. And if they watch pornography they often don't search it out for the same reasons allo people usually do ( for example kinky aces ).

Also most ace people aren't into sex and that favorable 8% likely includes kinky people who use sex as a means to live out the kink. This would suggest that they wouldn't be very likely to watch porn for the people having sex...

And aces also have generally lower libido making them even less likely to masturbate ( and anecdotally aces very often don't watch porn to get off anyway ).

ziq OP wrote on March 2, 2019 at 8:23 PM (edited on March 2, 2019 at 8:27 PM)

Umm, but a huge number of them also don't...

They were specifically referring to hetero aces though. Demanding they be seen as gay. If you didn't read the backstory then I don't know why you're accusing me of erasing asexuality. They even said that asexuals enjoy sex when it's with the right partner - which I didn't understand at all.

I didn't misspeak when I said 'heterosexual' since they were claiming aces could enjoy sex. That's heterosexual, not merely heteroromantic. And saying that people who enjoy exclusively hetero sex are hetero apparently makes me a bigot somehow according to the users involved. If anything, they're erasing asexuality. If we enjoyed sex, we wouldn't be asexual.

bea wrote on March 2, 2019 at 11:24 PM

But heterosexual aces aren't a thing... If they were then I wouldn't be arguing with you right now.

They even said that asexuals enjoy sex when it's with the right partner - which I didn't understand at all.

I've explained that here. I used the term non-repulsed which, if you look at the pie chart I had in my previous comment, is only one portion of people that fall under the label asexual, I mention this because it's important to think of asexuality as a spectrum rather than a fixed identity.

I didn't misspeak when I said 'heterosexual' since they were claiming aces could enjoy sex. That's heterosexual, not merely heteroromantic.

Asexual just means a person doesn't experience sexual attraction, that's what sexuality is, doesn't mean they can't have sex. Gay guys can have sex with women too, and the genital stimulation might feel good, but that's about it, there'd be no attraction. Aces that enjoy sex ( those 8% on the pie chart ) still don't feel sexually attracted to their partner though, regardless of romantic attraction ( Which is why they're not heterosexual since for that they'd have to experience attraction to the person they're having sex with ). These people would be called sex-favorable.

Then we have sex-indifferent aces ( this is me and the 27% on the pie chart ). Sex-indifferent aces are usually, as the name implies, indifferent to the idea of sex. They could have sex with their partner if their partner wanted them to but wouldn't welcome such occasion. They could also enjoy genital stimulation but more likely they'll be having sex to please their allosexual partner.

The last biggest category ( 37% on the pie chart ) are sex-repulsed aces. To me you seem sex-repulsed considering your last sentence ( but I obviously can't know that, sorry if I'm mistaken ), which would explain why a person liking genital stimulation and calling themselves asexual doesn't make sense to you ( though sexuality doesn't say anything about what type of sex you should like so they're just as valid aces because they they lack sexual attraction ). Sex-repulsed are usually against most forms sexual contact and sometimes even as far as kissing or cuddling.

This was a quick explanation of the 3 major types of aces. There are obviously also other people on the spectrum like demisexuals that feel sexual attraction only after they've entered a romantic relationship with a person, those who fluctuate between different parts of the ace spectrum, and others that I won't be getting into.

The main takeaway is that sexuality and enjoyment of genital stimulation are unrelated and that most ace people fall in the repulsed or indifferent category but that even those who don't are still valid. Also that fixating on a minority of people you don't believe are "ace enough" hurts the wider ace spectrum.

thelegendarybirdmonster wrote on March 3, 2019 at 12:17 AM (edited on March 3, 2019 at 12:22 AM)

yeah we know what asexual means we've been having that discussion for the last 2 weeks lol.

asexual people can be asexual and LGBT (romantic only), in which case they should be welcomed in LGBT spaces. Non-LGBT asexuals arent a vulnerable population and should not be welcomed in LGBT spaces. That's all the "debate" was about (before it turned into a shitshow).

bea wrote on March 3, 2019 at 1:42 AM

And as I said in my first comment in this thread: I'm not arguing about that. My point was to just stop calling asexuals homosexual and/or straight because that's just not what we are. Nothing about if we're queer or not. ( that's an already lost battle here on raddle so why bother )