Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

[deleted] wrote (edited )

6

An_Old_Big_Tree wrote

but nobody's ever really been able tell me what this "sexual attraction" (which asexual people apparently lack) even is without dehumanising "sexuals", or assigning predatory instincts to "sexuality", or treating "allosexuals" as inherently sexual creatures, all of which i would call rape culture

If you have time, I would love to hear some examples of this dehumanising of sexuals so I can better understand what you mean. I understand that there's an argument here but presently it's still too abstract for me to fully follow.

nobody has been able tell me how a cis man who exclusively pursues relationships with women, confesses exclusive romantic interest in women, but identifies as asexual is materially oppressed on the back of this alone, without essentialising "sexual attraction", assuming systemic rape/compulsory heterosexuality primarily or even exclusively harm asexual people, or erasing gay people's experiences of their own marginalisation.

Same thing here; I'd really appreciate understanding the ways that these things are the case more concretely. Why does it essentialise that and assume that?

Do you come across many people like this? I'm trying to understand generally what is going on in this thread.

Thanks for your contribution, it helped me think through a few things!

5

[deleted] wrote (edited )

2

ziq wrote

A lot of asexual ppl have sex because it's not socially acceptable to be in a relationship and not have sex with your partner. It's to please the partner.

5

[deleted] wrote

3

ziq wrote

I think the "feels good" part is probably bullshit. If it felt good they wouldn't be asexual.

1

[deleted] 0 wrote

1

bea wrote

Yeah, pretty much. Aces still feel urges* and masturbate* and they may use sex toys and such for that.
*not all do

The other side of this is when an ace has sex with a person like their romantic partner for example.

I'd describe it as a similar thing to a straight guy having sex with another dude for whatever reason. He may do it, and he may even enjoy the feeling of it, but he still wouldn't be sexually attracted to him, would he? It'd the same for non-sex-repulsed aces having sex with anyone.

2

[deleted] wrote

2

[deleted] wrote (edited )

4

[deleted] wrote (edited )

1

GaldraChevaliere wrote

That's a galaxy brain level take, fam. And also kind of hypocritical given how much ace discourse revolves around the filthy allosexuals and our insatiable appetites for sex. Fucking just to masturbate seems real bass-ackwards to me.

2

[deleted] wrote

1

[deleted] wrote (edited )

1

GaldraChevaliere wrote

What is this absolute mess of a post? You're thinking bisexual, by the way, but since we're in MOGAI hell already let's roll with calling it pan. If your label doesn't preclude literally doing the opposite of its meaning, why do you even have it? What meaning or value does it communicate to others? What is possibly laudable about viewing sex with another person purely as a masturbatory act of release without consideration for them?

2

sdou wrote

and for god's sake don't tell people they have "sexual privilege", this is super homophobic and pretty racist as well

I'm curious about the racist part, do you mean because it dilutes the word "privilege" and makes it meaningless?

2

theheart wrote (edited )

nobody has been able tell me how a cis man who exclusively pursues relationships with women, confesses exclusive romantic interest in women, but identifies as asexual is materially oppressed on the back of this alone, without essentialising "sexual attraction", assuming systemic rape/compulsory heterosexuality primarily or even exclusively harm asexual people, or erasing gay people's experiences of their own marginalisation. and nobody can give me a good reason why "heteromantic asexual" people can, uh, reclaim "queer".

Ultimately, I agree with this. I think that cishet ace people clearly are marginalized in a few ways, but they aren't oppressed like queer people are and have historically been; there were no cishet aces wearing the pink triangle, nor fighting at Stonewall. I think that there should be solidarity with ace people, and that queer people and aces are allies that align closely and should thus fight together (maybe consider MOGAI be overarching with 'queer'/LGBT being a group within such?), but I'm uncomfortable with the prospect of a cishet person being 'queer'.

(By 'ace people' in that sentence I mean people who are ace without other queer identities, e.g. a cis heteroromantic man. Obviously ace trans or gay or others count as queer.)

2