Recent comments in /f/mediation

RJSArtemis wrote

The discord is quite simply nothing more than a place to use for easier communication and sharing of ideas between the queer forum mods, the decision to remove them from there and generally everything that happens there has and should rightfully have no relevance at all in terms of raddle, it's a voluntary space for communication, not an extension of raddle.

Agreed that none of this drama should've been stoked over on this side, it's just not relevant.

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Crown_of_Ice wrote

Well, they did not want to give you the chance, I don't think they have to, and I doubt they will want to after this. Move on and learn. Become a productive member of f/ennnnnnnnnnnnbbbbbby and prove your worth. You're not garnering much sympathy here.

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HardlightCereal OP wrote

Oh, yes, of course, I immediately apologised and attempted to do better as she defined it, despite my bad feeling about the situation. I was trying to learn as best I could with minimal drama. But I was not given the chance to learn or adapt as you say, because I was immediately banned and demodded.

−3

Crown_of_Ice wrote

Rote memorization to overcome. They do not have to guide you every step of the way to not upset them. You may think it unfair to you, but I think it unfair to her to expect her to carry you to not upset her. Learn and adapt with the accommodations you are given. There is only so much patience you can be expected to be afforded before the burden turns over to you.

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HardlightCereal OP wrote

They didn't say they wanted to rest, they said they needed to rest. They said they wanted to keep talking. I took their wants more seriously than their needs. That's the thing I apologised for at the end. If they wanted to rest and expressed so, then I'm afraid that was subtext, and I'm subtext disabled.

−4

HardlightCereal OP wrote

I didn't generate drama, I participated in a friendly conversation about the moderation direction of f/lesbians and the ideology of the moderators and proposed moderators in the f/lesbians channel. There was zero disagreement until Cactus slept 8 hours and woke up starting an argument. Cactus then proceeded to involve the whole discord server in their specific personal issue, and interfere in the moderation of a sub they are not even involved in. I just want to make a safe space for enbies to post memes. Cactus, despite not ever having posted to that safe space, felt the need to kick the whole server into a fuss to get me away from that safe space, even after I promised never to speak with them again.

Cactus has been manufacturing drama and I want to stop it, by getting Cactus out of my affairs and f/ennn's affairs.

−4

Crown_of_Ice wrote

You are trying to guide this into some scenario where there was no other path for any of you to take here that doesn't result in you being punished for being ND. You could have ceased communication with her. Let them truly cool down. But they felt hounded, rightfully or not I don't know, and others agreed. They don't have to deal with you. I'm sorry they aren't more patient and permissive. I am trying to be nice here, but leave this alone. They have read something in you they do not want to deal with. Move on and make other connections.

3

HardlightCereal OP wrote

I apologised immediately and did not mention the problems I had with what they were saying because I wanted to defuse the situation and avoid escalation. I also asked them if they wanted to continue discussing the matter, and they said no. Then they banned me from the server. I did everything I could do to provide an environment for patience and clarity while respecting their boundaries, and they said no. And after they said no, I did everything I could to try and understand the situation while respecting those boundaries. There is no path I could have taken here that would have led to a better outcome, save for being born neurotypical.

−2

moonlune wrote

Stop wasting everyone's time nobody cares about your petty discord drama and power struggle moderation shouldn't be a special status or anything if u have ideas for the forum just post them in the forum and comment and create memes or something.

You're tools, the whole lot. Both you and the discord politicians you're trying to coup.

5

nihilistique wrote

Not to comment on who is in the right here, but the apologizing thing is a common habit that autistic people develop, generally because we are used to conflict when socializing, so we just start assuming we do things wrong. From my perspective when I do it, I do genuinely feel bad about an issue I caused if I feel I did cause an issue, I just am not aware of the specific issue I caused. This happens whether an issue is present or not.

Sorry for jumping in, I just felt it would be good to explain this.

2

Crown_of_Ice wrote (edited )

I'm sorry, but the fact remains that you offended her whether it be from a lack of clarity from her or not. We have a case here of where the onus of responsibility lies: in you to attempt to learn from context here or Cactus and other's lack of patience. What is the due accommodations and explicit terms to make things clear to autistic people? I don't know and I don't know if they are being ableist thinking you are trying to use autism as a crutch to explain away bad behavior, but I think more patience from all parties would have been key here. I don't know what NT standards they may or may not have been following, but you upset her, failed to recognize why you upset her, and placed the onus of blame on her for not being clearer so as to not upset her. I think that is an unfair burden on her, whether you're autistic or not. Like I said, I am sympathetic, but please try to learn from this and treat such subjects with kid's gloves until you very well know all parties in the room are okay with it.

3

Monday wrote (edited )

A statement from a moderator during the discussion (they will remain unnamed for the sake of privacy): “I don't want to wade too much into this, but it all feels like a huge amount of drama that's being generated by one antagonistic and annoying person.

The idea behind this server was simply to be a place for LGBTQ+ forum mods to chat, discuss mod business and try to align policies where appropriate.

The 'FORUM MODERATION' channels are meant to be primarily used by mods of their respective forums, although others are free to chip in if they want to help.

u/HardlightCereal was definitely out of line with that incendiary conversation happening in the Lesbians channel and pretty much every message they sent made me uncomfortable. I've not had any direct interaction with them, but I agree with what LittleStarlight has been saying. u/HardlightCereal is bad news and is basically a drama factory, something we really don't want around here.

The fact that they're still stirring up drama in the background after being banned doesn't surprise me,

I'm not really sure what else I can say about this matter.”

Edit: removed references to discord name at the request of OP

7

HardlightCereal OP wrote

I promised never to speak with Cactus again before they demodded me. A desire not to interact with me does not explain their desire to see me unmodded from a subraddle they are not involved with. Cactus is not a user on f/ennnnnnnnnnnnbbbbbby and did not have to pressure Rikka to demod me.

when they made it rather abundantly clear that they don't want to see mention of suicide.

They did not make it abundantly clear, they provided subtext. I have a subtext disability. It is unreasonable to treat me differently because of my disability. Asking for what one wants is not difficult, it requires only a bare minimum of effort. I provided an absolute maximum of effort in trying to understand Cactus' wants, and this is what you say Cactus is upset by. You say Cactus is upset because of what I did to try and overcome my disability for Cactus' benefit. This is ableism.

−4

HardlightCereal OP wrote

If the vast majority of the discord server agreed to treat me unequally for my autism, then I would like to request admin action against the vast majority of the discord server. If there is another explanation for the decision then I would like to hear it, because I have spent days trying to get that information out of Rikka, Loomy, and others, and no alternative hypothesis has been presented.

−5

Crown_of_Ice wrote

This is above my nonexistent paygrade. She doesn't have to interact with you if she doesn't want to and we're all making assumptions as to why. You poked the bear twice too many and suffered the consequences. Perhaps people should be more chill and accommodating for you when you ask for clarification, but I don't know if they have to handhold you when they made it rather abundantly clear that they don't want to see mention of suicide. I'm not entirely unsympathetic as I don't think you are malicious or a bad person here, but personalities have clashed and you unfortunately got voted off the island.

3

Monday wrote

We are trying to find a post to discredit the claims of ableism (for very obvious reasons), and also trying to respond in a way to diffuse the situation at the same time.

I should also point out that one of raddles admins, ziq is also aware of the situation, and that may result in an opinion from a higher authority later down the line.

2

Monday wrote (edited )

No, however they are aware of the post and we are discussing it in both the LGBTQ+ moderator discord server and the f/trans moderation guilded server.

Edit: i was not referring to the correct person. cactus is currently offline and will be made aware of the situation when they come online

3

Monday wrote

I am a mod on a large number of the trans forums, so i am in the discord server. I can confirm that the general consensus of the vast majority of the server came to the decision to remove u/HardlightCereal. I can provide more details on the decision and the discussion that took place in order to make it.

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