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emma wrote

I saw the linked post talking shit about heterosexuals in general, calling them boring and bland. I'm tired to the bone of seeing people discriminate against any sexuality, and i see no justification for calling heterosexuals in general boring and bland.

Let me explain this as I see it, and as I hope you'll come to see it.

Queer people constantly face oppression to various degrees, either directly (violence, having slurs hurled at one, denied access to healthcare, denied jobs, etc.), or more indirectly (e.g. being placed in a binary gender and expected to live up to one's gender roles, going through bureaucratic hell to adopt kids because one can't naturally conceive with one's partner/because of hormone treatment, etc.). Coupled with other factors like increased rates of poverty & mental issues among queer people that's a result of this oppression, and you'll see that many of us simply aren't able to live out the typical, boring ("bland?") recipe life cishets are able to live, where you get your education, marry, have kids, work eight hours a day, leave work and pick up your kids, get old, get divored, get older, get remarried, and die. You either take pride in this, and attempt to find your own way of living, or you suck it up as best you can, stay in the closet forever, and stay unhappy until you die.

As I explained through my snarky reply, (cis-)heterosexual people don't face any of the forms of oppression I listed. Straight people don't need straight pride, because there's absolutely nothing getting in the way of them due to their sexuality. Every day is straight pride day.

With all the shit we have to go through, giving queer people an outlet for venting is important. Mocking non-queer people and their 'culture' is a typical coping mechanism, and in the article you had commented on, someone had done just that by invoking the 'straight = bland' trope. Are such generalising outbursts useless for advancing queer liberation and alienating to queer peoples' allies? I'd say 'probably' and 'no'. As far as I'm concerned, a true ally who takes up the fight on behalf of those they claim to support would understand the material conditions we suffer, and thus understand the place such outbursts come from. You feel unfairly treated when a queer person calls you 'bland'? Imagine how a queer person feels when they're beaten up because they kissed someone of their own gender.

P.S. I accept your apology, and if you haven't already been unbanned, I implore /u/Tequila_Wolf to unban you.

5

dele_ted wrote

As i said in my post, this isn't about the flag or whether or not straight people need straight pride (they in no way do, and in case it isn't clear i think straight pride is an absolutely stupid movement - but that's not what this is about).

I think you're right about allowing venting and coping, but there are more constructive ways to cope. Fighting fire with fire will, in my opinion, not get us anywhere. You cannot battle discrimination with more discrimination.

You feel unfairly treated when a queer person calls you 'bland'? Imagine how a queer person feels when they're beaten up because they kissed someone of their own gender.

I'm not trying to compare the two at all, as i said before. I know from personal experience what a queer person goes through, and I always have and always will be doing all I can to support those being discriminated against, and oppressed on a daily basis because of something as personal as their sexuality and/or gender.

Thank you for being tolerant and understanding with me, though, i realize that i came off very wrong to begin with. I hope my insensitive comment didn't cause you too much stress.

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____deleted____ wrote

Straight people don't need straight pride

I could not agree more; the flag is dumb and reactionary.

Imagine how a queer person feels when they're beaten up because they kissed someone of their own gender.

No need for me to imagine, trust me.

I simply don't think anyone should be insulted for things outside of their control; skin color, sexuality, height, the shape of their jaw, etc, etc. Under no circumstances do I think such is valid, but do not misinterpret this as me stating its equivalent. It is far from such; I simply oppose both ways.

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Tequila_Wolf wrote

There isn't anything wrong with being straight, but as you know in this world straightness comes with the oppressive structure of heteronormativity, which all straight people are complicit in. Boringness and blandness with respect to many important elements of human life are a part of heteronormativity. That on its own is reason why its acceptable to take the piss.

Then, the fact that this outburst came in defense of oppressive position in a context that was clearly about structural oppression, makes it a clear #NotAllStraights / #AllSexualitiesMatter situation to me. It's besides the point and inappropriate in the context.

You've gone out of your way to express your queer cred in several of the comments you've made around this - which insistently ignores that queer people can be queerphobic. This kind of insistent defense rings like the racists who say "but I've been married for ten years married a black person, I have black children; I couldn't be racist," etc.

Alright, I'm just repeating myself at this stage. The bans are long undone and I don't have more energy for this. I didn't think what you'd said was as bad as dellitsni's. Especially since I seem mostly alone in my assessment there's nothing more to be done.

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____deleted____ wrote

You've gone out of your way to express your queer cred

Because in replies to my own comment I saw statements that I wouldn't understand what queer people go through, which pissed me off to see in my inbox.

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dele_ted wrote

I didn't think what you'd said was as bad as dellitsni's

Bel and i are saying the exact same thing, except my outburst was pretty insensitive and not very well thought through to begin with. I've apologised and explained what i meant with my original comment so many times that I don't want to do it again. If you cannot accept that apology and want to label me as something that i in no way am, then there's not much left i can do.