Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

Cheeks wrote

Being an anarchist and dating in your 40's sucks.

I dated this girl for a few months that I've known for about a decade, but haven't seen her in about 7 years. We use to do a lot of drugs together back then. She almost died last year and got clean. She came to a bar I hangout out while i was playing pool and recognized me, I always liked her so I started flirting with her. Turned out we are both clean sans the alcohol, and both always into each other. We became a couple in a couple of weeks. Then after two months it all just got weird one day. She ditched me on one of the few days we get to hangout. I honestly think she was using again and just didn't want to face me though I would have been there for her. I made it known that I wouldn't ever be second string to that kinda shit moving forward in life from the get go. But, of course, I was never accusatory and just pointed out that she needed to more effort into us hanging out because I'm not interested in just having, what equated to a sexual partner a couple a times a week.. Sucks. I really liked her. She did help me regain confidence that I've been lacking over the past 5 years. But it's been three weeks and Im now at a point where I have a healthy sexual life again. But i want a partner. I don't expect it to be for life but someone to lean on me and fore to lean on in this stupid world.

5

[deleted] wrote

3

Cheeks wrote (edited )

I'm non-binary. I get what youre saying, but in this case it's not that, though I hear you regarding cis-hetero-normative. My last girlfriend, we lived alone together for 5 years with separate bedrooms. I'm not exactly typical.

4

yaaqov wrote

...we lived alone together... with separate bedrooms.

Can I ask a little about this? My partner and I are hopefully moving in together soon, and this is what we want from the beginning. How was that experience?

4

Cheeks wrote

It's an ideal situation for me, usually. It really depends on you and your partner. As u/bloodrose has pointed out, intimacy is multifaceted and doesn't have to suffer. On nights that your work, hobbies, and volunteering lives allow you to spend time together, make a routine of spending the last couple of hours cuddling and talking or watching a movie. My ex used to wake up a couple hours before me a few days a week. On those days, when she would hear my alarm, she would crawl into my bed and throw her arms around me while I hit snooze for the next 10 minutes. We both got a good night's rest and I still got to wake up next to her. Just like all relationships, intimate or not, the little things go a long way. If the two of you have different sleeping patterns or sleep hygiene issues, or if either of you generally need your own space to be alone and recharge, I definitely suggest separate bedrooms.

4