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Fossidarity wrote

What are some signals of masculine behavior that are not super obvious (like taking in a lot of physical space)?

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GaldraChevaliere wrote

I'm saying masculinity isn't itself bad or an indicator someone will do you harm. I've had really good professional relationships and personal friendships with super manly big buff dudes who work physical labor and all that shit. Men who respected me, defended me to other men without feeling ashamed or threatened, and were careful to navigate my boundaries. My big-ass post that got reposted a while back was kind of about that. Men are not inherently bad, and neither is manliness.

What is bad are the behaviors that men exhibit as a privileged class, so I'm very suspicious of the kind of 'softboy' who presents himself as sensitive and caring and distinctly unmanly (in a hypermasculinized western sense) or as a feminist as a way to position himself closer to women and queer folk to do violence upon them. The short-haired man who slams back stouts and goes to the gym every day but is sure to respect the women in his life is not my enemy, the skinny nothing with a man-bun who says he is my friend and believes in The Cause but talks over me and beats his wife when he gets home from the swap meet is.

Male privilege is wielding that you will always be believed above others, that your opinions will be taken more seriously than others, that women and non-men are conditioned to be subservient to you and face consequences if they're defiant from society if not you directly, and the nuclear option that if you're caught red-fucking-handed, you can still say she's a lying whore and worm your way out of the bind and at fucking most people will shittalk you for a few months before they forget. It has nothing to do with your presentation or your embodiment and everything to do with the way you use your power over others.

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Fossidarity wrote (edited )

That's the intention of my question: what are some red flags of someone using their male privilege? Are there things that men do consciously or not that are not entirely obvious at first but that you can pay attention to when you know of it?

With men taking in physical space I also meant men positioning themselves in the area beyond what you feel comfortable with without caring about that.

Thanks for the eloquent answer!

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bloodrose wrote

I've been thinking about this for days. I've had experiences with a person who later turned abusive. I was recently staying with my husband's friend who was a very similar person to the abuser and was having intense anxiety about this person and was so happy when it was time to go.

I think the simplest, easiest way to tell a man is dangerous is whether or not he tells you what to do. My husband never ever ever tells me what to do. My husband's friend can't listen to a person say one thing about themselves without interrupting them to tell them what to do.

example: I said I always fall asleep reading and before I could finish my statement, he talked over me and started going on about flu.x and telling me how I had to use it

A non-aggressive way to suggest the program would be to finish listening and then ask "hey, have you tried using flu.x?" The person who is more likely to abuse would instead do what that friend did: interrupt, not listen and tell me what to do.

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