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on January 11, 2019 at 6:00 AM in lobby
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My last boss was a manbunned tai-chi practicioner with the most grating fucking surfer dude voice who constantly talked about how much he wanted to move to Belize because his straight hipster ass didn't feel 'safe' in his two story, 5 bedroom bed and breakfast home with a fireplace in the middle of an isolated fucking mountain town that he in all likelihood inherited. Like sure, make yourself someone else's problem like you made yourself mine when you stole the entire tip jar and tried to get out of paying me by threatening to out me to people who knew me on the trail and didn't fucking care. /salt
Advice to other trans girls, while I'm at it; no matter how scary a big burly contractor or a junkyard worker looks, he's safer for you than the soft looking guy with stupid hair and appropriated chinese mysticism. Don't trust men just because they don't look traditionally masculine.
Is there a difference between a bun and a manbun?
Where it's tied and the size/fluffiness/bounciness of it. Manbuns are scraggly, tighter than regular buns, tend to have a lot of flyaways and they're usually either right at the base of the neck or else nearly but not quite a topknot.
So a messy bun? Is that an american thing to call that a manbun?
Search images of it, you'll be able to tell the difference. Messy bun here usually means a loose one. The distinction is less of an americanism and more like, men finally realized buns are a fairly comfortable, attractive and convenient way to wear longer hair, but lest they be perceived as possibly not het for having a 'girly' hairstyle, they took all the comfort, aesthetic appeal and convenience out of actually having a bun.
Do you still use "manbun" when a woman make a bun without caring of the messiness?
If she were wearing the specific style, I would, but again, the criteria isn't the messiness. It's a particular style of bun that straight dudes specifically wear that's overly tight, too short, poorly ordered and usually worn either at the base of the neck or nearly the crown of the head. What am I failing to convey here?
I've only heard of "manbun" online and assumed it was men that were too afraid to call it a bun. As long as you make a ball shape it's a bun (I might be alone to think so). I'm more annoyed at the small knot trying to pass as a bun lol.
Also I don't like gendering things, like purse and manpurse, it's ridiculous.
Yeah, that's more what I'm trying to describe. Straight dudes specifically call it a manbun because the idea of just having a bun threatens their masculinity, and then they half-ass it because putting effort in to appearance to them reads as effeminacy.
I think that's a better description of a "manbun" haha
What are some signals of masculine behavior that are not super obvious (like taking in a lot of physical space)?
I'm saying masculinity isn't itself bad or an indicator someone will do you harm. I've had really good professional relationships and personal friendships with super manly big buff dudes who work physical labor and all that shit. Men who respected me, defended me to other men without feeling ashamed or threatened, and were careful to navigate my boundaries. My big-ass post that got reposted a while back was kind of about that. Men are not inherently bad, and neither is manliness.
What is bad are the behaviors that men exhibit as a privileged class, so I'm very suspicious of the kind of 'softboy' who presents himself as sensitive and caring and distinctly unmanly (in a hypermasculinized western sense) or as a feminist as a way to position himself closer to women and queer folk to do violence upon them. The short-haired man who slams back stouts and goes to the gym every day but is sure to respect the women in his life is not my enemy, the skinny nothing with a man-bun who says he is my friend and believes in The Cause but talks over me and beats his wife when he gets home from the swap meet is.
Male privilege is wielding that you will always be believed above others, that your opinions will be taken more seriously than others, that women and non-men are conditioned to be subservient to you and face consequences if they're defiant from society if not you directly, and the nuclear option that if you're caught red-fucking-handed, you can still say she's a lying whore and worm your way out of the bind and at fucking most people will shittalk you for a few months before they forget. It has nothing to do with your presentation or your embodiment and everything to do with the way you use your power over others.
That's the intention of my question: what are some red flags of someone using their male privilege? Are there things that men do consciously or not that are not entirely obvious at first but that you can pay attention to when you know of it?
With men taking in physical space I also meant men positioning themselves in the area beyond what you feel comfortable with without caring about that.
Thanks for the eloquent answer!
talking over people/talking for their partner
I've been thinking about this for days. I've had experiences with a person who later turned abusive. I was recently staying with my husband's friend who was a very similar person to the abuser and was having intense anxiety about this person and was so happy when it was time to go.
I think the simplest, easiest way to tell a man is dangerous is whether or not he tells you what to do. My husband never ever ever tells me what to do. My husband's friend can't listen to a person say one thing about themselves without interrupting them to tell them what to do.
example: I said I always fall asleep reading and before I could finish my statement, he talked over me and started going on about flu.x and telling me how I had to use it
A non-aggressive way to suggest the program would be to finish listening and then ask "hey, have you tried using flu.x?" The person who is more likely to abuse would instead do what that friend did: interrupt, not listen and tell me what to do.