Submitted by [deleted]
on October 26, 2018 at 10:24 AM in lobby
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I tried explaining to my mother about how my partner prefers to be referred to as "they" and she would just outright refuse saying "I only use 'they' to refer to multiple people". I told her that she is being disrespectful and that I know for a fact that that is not the only time she uses 'they'. So I waited until she used it to refer to a single person, and she conceded that she was wrong about that, but said that using "'they' to refer to someone that is obviously a girl is too weird for me". Explaining that this person doesn't identify as "a girl" is not acceptable to her. She also thinks that even intersex people fall on one side or another every time. She literally got mad me for even trying to have this conversation.
Who cares about what binary you have been taught when talking about what people prefer?? why do people not have respect for someone's preferences?
Call her grandma and say she obviously looks like a grandma. No, don't do that, but it was a funny thought.
That sucks. I'm sorry that you have to deal with transphobes (enbyphobes?). Unfortunately, sometimes the only thing we can do in situations like that is not engage with people like that (but I get that that can be really hard if they're your parents). I hope they come around soon.
Yea, it's tough when any conversation involving my partner ends up making me feel like she just has no respect for my partner's wishes and pushes her and I apart further because of it. She even acts like I'm being annoying by pointing out what their preferences are. Thanks, I hope so too. She seems to understand class-war talk, but then she acts like I'm attacking her when pointing out preferences in pronoun usage. I'm not even aggressive about it.
Good luck to you and your partner. You deserve it <3
Damn. That’s tough.
I’ve been experiencing something like the inverse, where my parents have been fairly happy to use they/them for my partner, but don’t seem to be trying at all to use they/them for me. They’re not hostile about it but it’s just like, unthinkable to them, that I could be anything but their son, even as they have come to understand the non-binarity of others.
She has a need that is not being fulfilled in these moments, and whatever said the stimulus is making her feel uncomfortable feelings that resonate whatever needs that are not being met.
We have nine basic needs, and all of the needs fall into these categories:
love, empathy, rest/recreation, community, creativity, autonomy, and purpose.
one or more of these basic needs are being threatened.
when we feel like our needs are not being met we often respond in ways that other people can interpret as disrespectful.
The adults don't really know any better. They don't know how to be empathetic. we live in a society that is structured in a way where accounting seems like a more meaningful skill than empathy.
empathy is a skill you practice though. it's worth practicing.
especially when you consider that robots can do accounting now. they can't really do empathy.
feelings and needs are superpowers. when we start connecting on the levels of our feelings and needs solutions find us.
In the same speaking, your anger towards her is a sign that you are disconnected from your needs.
Anger is a guide that shows us our needs are not being met.
This has probably been the best week I've had in a while. I feel a lot less exhausted than I have. I think the new meds are helping (I know a lot of people here probably have reservations about medicating for mental health shit and so do I but at this point my most immediate concern is getting through the week and they seem to help with that).
My cat (the one I mentioned had cancer a while back) is getting worse. He's real thin now and it can be hard to get him to eat. He's still very friendly though he and he purrs a lot and likes to sit with me and go outside, so that's something. Hopefully we still have a decent amount of quality time left.
Getting real fucking sick of the rich-ass crackers in this town. The amount of white fragility and lack of self-awareness around here is ridiculous. Hopefully I can get out soon.
I don't know how many folks on here play tabletop RPGs, but I'm starting a new Stars Without Number campaign with my group (it's my first time GMing). We're gonna be playing as space pirates fighting giant cyberpunk megacorps, so that should be fun. Looking forward to using that to spread anarchist propaganda among the liberal group members (the only other anarchist is my brother; there's also a trans girl who seems pretty woke but I don't think she's actually an anarchist). Would people have any interest in a tabletop RPGs forum? I don't know how much interest there would be around here.
Oh and sorry for not being active lately. I've been kinda busy and when I do have free time I don't tend to have the energy for political discussions and shit.
Ended up going ahead and making a Tabletop RPGs forum, I'll see if it gets any traction.
I had downloaded all the Rifts books hoping to play one day. I only played once when I was a kid and it was a star wars themed one. I was a wookie that had to have a translator with me to communicate with people, and the translator died, so I just trusted my instinct and bashed skulls in when it seemed appropriate. My team-mates turned on each-other when one turned out to be sith in disguise, and I didn't know who to fight and just died from the attack.
I've always wanted to play more, but never did as I never really met too many people that played after that experience.
I'd be interested in the forum, and I like the scenario you described! I hate the on-rails politics of video games, and tabletop RPGs could have some real Anarchy!
I kinda like the idea of organizing a raddle RPG group but that might make it hard to preserve anonymity/privacy
Like, we could do it all through some libre and secure voice chat software (not really sure what the options are there), but even then I'm not sure how okay people are with talking to other raddlers over voice chat. And while it's possible to run an RPG entirely over text, it's very difficult and not nearly as fun.
So I guess for now that goes in the "seems cool but probably not gonna happen" box.
i'm so down for the raddle rpg group idea.
I haven't played any tabletop RPGs since my kid was born. I'm hoping that I'll get a chance to play again in the future, when she gets her own things and doesn't need so much attention.
I'm super down for something like this if I have the time for it. Worst comes to worst we could always just play by post.
Anti-civ anarchists are not sure how to feel about the loss of a beloved robot
The destruction of anti-civ robots definitely gives me some mixed feelings.
personally, I've been training our bots to destroy civilization
The last transhumanist shall sell us the robot with which we laser him.
You have a server just for the bot? Or does it host other projects?
I make music so follow my ass @Ciego is Dead on Youtube, and other Music services like iTunes and Spotify
Thruought my life I have learned that having needs is "bad" and that being "needy" is a "bad" and "annoying" thing. Because of that, I have learned to deny my own needs. When I deny my needs I experience an overwhelming amount of uncomfortable feelings which drugs and addictive behavior seem to be the only successful freeing agent.
I'm learning now that needs are a gift, and feelings are a guide to learn about what my needs are.
I'm learning the magic of nonviolent communication. I've only been studying it for a little while, but it's already helped relieve me from a lot of the usual suffering. It's really amazing and empowering stuff.
A lot of our experience of reality stems from our interpretation of it. Our experience is also comprised of the people we bring into our world which validate our own perceptions of our reality. If we think that our needs are not important then we bring people into our lives that validate that reality that they are not important.
Most of us don't know what our actual needs are. It's not like the adults ever taught us.
Empathy is a skill that you have to practice in order to get good at it.
The only way to find peace in this reality is through love and empathy.
Violence and violent communication can never solve our problems especially because our side does not have a monopoly on it. It simply leads to more harm, hurt, and violence.
What happened to poor threadbot?? :(
Chore day for me. Laundry, sweeping, mopping and so on. I mended a favorite pair of jeans too, I've had them since grade 9 and I intend to keep them as long as I can.
Strong urge to beat the next 'sissy' I see to death with a ball-peen hammer. I know the current Aesthetic is faggots and dykes and breeders all united in appropriating trans womens' culture, aesthetics and even our modes of oppression as long as they don't actually have to like, suffer under them, but like could you at least wait until we're not an immediate danger of extermination please? Like, do black and native comrades feel like this all the time dealing with white people?
Yeah, I mean hets and more broadly cis people in this context. I'm specifically talking about how it's become fashionable in a sense of performative wokeness to flirt with crossing gender boundaries (normally a good thing that I encourage), but in such a way that implies no permanence and actively takes its cues from trans women and enby femmes while simultaneously disrespecting us.
Like, I normally abhor 'kink-critical' rhetoric because it's literally just puritanism, but take sissy fetishes for example. Crossdressing men, sometimes willing but usually 'forced' into it, as an expression of manhood being stripped from them, the implication being that they're less of a man, and if they're less of a man, they're not a man at all. And with that comes the gross part, because it becomes things like "you're only good for being fucked by alpha males you worthless sissy slut ;)", so the implication there is that if you're not a man you're a sex slave. And they take that dynamic and force it on trans women who have no interest in it. Cis women mirror the same thing in their interactions, so in their minds transness = submission to 'real' women.
It's the same thing with cis crossdressers using words like 'trap' or 'femboi' as self-descriptors, or gods forbid trans men doing that. They originated as insults and euphemisms for trans women and our analogues in other cultures, ie thai 'ladyboys'. They have a history of direct harm and fetishization the same as shemale and tranny do, but dumbass cissies that 7/10 times turn out to be eggs in denial anyway use them as identities because they learned those terms from porn and lacking the full context they reinforce, sometimes maliciously tbh, the perception of trans women as insatiable neotenous sex toys. T-bros doing it is even more insulting because A) they're not targeted by any of those words or their implications to begin with and B) the line between our community is basically a demilitarized zone at this point with the way they constantly fuck us over for cis approval. Not to mention that feminine performance from them is generally lauded but butch trans women are always held in suspicion.
I guess I'm so angry because like, everyone's happy to look like us, to act like us, but it only serves to reaffirm their identities as safely cis/transmasc but 'open-minded' or whatever. They can take whatever they want from us, whether it's drag or the aesthetics of our bodies and the way we dress, or the labels they've used to harm us which are suddenly backhanded compliments (when we call them out on it anyway, the cop who called me a trap after feeling my ass and dick up sure as hell wasn't being friendly). Labels we're still not all comfortable reclaiming for ourselves, if nearly any of us. Like I don't want to be that goidel who's suddenly all "Oh NOW I understand racism", but dealing with this shit so often lately I feel at least gave me some perspective. Having your culture stolen when it's the same cudgel used to brutalize you all the time fucking sucks.
Believe me, I'm plenty selfish. I'm trying to keep us as safe as I can, but there's not a whole lot I can do about anything.
I know I get really angry and use some vicious language, especially about the rest of the LGBT because I feel like they didn't just fail us but actively threw us to the wolves. But like, I don't blame individuals for it, or I try not to, unless they're particularly embodying what I'm angry about. It's not enough because the problem's just bigger than us, but I still appreciate the emotional support you give to others.