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rot wrote

Reply to comment by GaldraChevaliere in Friday Free Talk by ThreadBot

cuddly scenes with my lovers

virtual cuddling sounds like it would have a big market.

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mofongo wrote

I saw an article of a trend were women cam themselves while eating and act like they were on a date, talking about their day and answering questions.

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rot wrote

It's a little sad but honestly I'd do it if I were really lonely

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GaldraChevaliere wrote

That's generally under Girlfriend Experience stuff, which I like doing a lot honestly. It's comfy and it helps someone feel better about themselves.

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[deleted] wrote (edited )

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GaldraChevaliere wrote (edited )

I might honestly be a little young to really 'connect' with you in a way that'd leave you satisfied with the service, at least genuinely, but you couldn't be a worse client than any middle-aged cis guy with too much money and not enough friends. It'd be good practice, if nothing else. I've dated cis women but they don't usually openly look for my services.

I'm not entirely sure what you want me to do with the other part of that. Coming from a perspective of having a really weird relationship with gender growing up before I 'came out' insofar as I was detected and decided to just stop lying about being a boy since it never really worked in the first place for me, I can really see where AFAB folk are undervalued as people and assigned to what are essentially unpaid maintenance roles for society and especially cis mens' emotional states.

But growing up the way I did, that was already my job too. And it was a really awkward and ugly place to be where you're told that your worth is only definable by how much of a violent and exploitative jerk you are, but also being given all the emotional labor needs for the boys you grew up around that tacitly acknowledged you were something else, whether you admitted it or not.

Men divide the world into Men and Not-Men and if you're not sufficiently vicious and murderous enough to be a Man, you're Not-a-Man and get stuck with all of the grunt work and no appreciation, whether you've got a vagina or a penis or something ambiguously between them.

So, that was my childhood. Not-a-Man, with the acknowledgement I could never be a Man, no matter how hard I tried to fit that ideal of the ruthless hunter-killer. And with that came nursing everyone's scraped knees and wounded egoes, carrying their secrets, and being the voice of reason to their impulsive shenanigans, when I wasn't the one being stupid anyway. It came with some fucked up shit too. Trying to reach that ideal so I'd get, if not respect, then the same treatment as my Man friends, led me to do things like push things with other Not-Men friends without regard for their feelings or autonomy, or act out violently because the only means I had when I didn't have those Man friends to protect me was my tiny fists and high voice.

I dealt with men and women looking at me like a bug. I dealt with men and women, but especially men, looking at me like a piece of meat to be pounced on and eaten the moment my protectors weren't with me. I dealt with never being taken seriously, always being taken for granted, being blamed for others' misfortunes brought by their own folly. Fuck, I've literally been labeled a witch in a shitty podunk southern town I lived in, a reputation I still have there.

Sorry for typing like, a huge-ass essay. I don't expect you to respond to it all or even at all. But it's three am and I can't sleep watching horror movies and waiting for my lover to come home. But the point I'm trying to get across is I seriously get it, because I lived it. And AFAB folk face unique oppressions, but sometimes when I talk with you it seems like you focus on those oppressions to the exclusion of what trans-folk, whether AFAB or AMAB as well as fem cis gays, go through. It's not all that dissimilar. The unique hell we grow up in is one where we have to play both roles to survive, but are accepted as neither. With motherhood and survival comes honor, but most of us are lucky to make it to thirty before someone kills us.

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[deleted] wrote (edited )

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GaldraChevaliere wrote

I honestly don't feel like you personally disrespect or don't value me. You've always been at the very least polite around the forum and I don't really expect that much else from somebody but a basic level of dignity. You don't come off like you're fetishizing me, but sometimes I get frustrated when cis people take their experiences as the norm and assume they're essential to all people, even cis people from other places.

I've made some really awful mistakes growing up. Everyone does. I've hurt people I cared about, I've done stupid things that impacted myself and others and burdened them. That's part of growing up for anybody. The points I really wanted to get across are just that when we say things like 'male socialization' or 'female socialization', we miss the interconnected web of bizzare and insensible and occasionally traumatizing elements that make up an adult in the modern western world, and that trying to force people to be anything leads to a lot of pain for a lot of people.

Where you did things in adulthood like not speaking up for my folk when we needed the protection, I did things in childhood like kicking down at other femmes because it was the only way I'd get respect from anyone I wasn't playing nursemaid to. I learned quickly that my body and my ability at keeping them from eating eachother alive was the only real value I had to them, and jealously guarded that position. I'm not expecting an apology from you for making those mistakes before, because as far as I can tell from talking to you on here, you're working on them and trying to change from them. I'm still young enough to be trying to change from my childhood and have respect for myself and other femmes.

It's not wrong to call trans folk on that when we're still shedding that trauma, the problem comes in the argument TERFs make that we're stained with an original sin of 'maleness', that learned savagery is innate and not a part of an intensely broken and wounding binary that they zealously uphold to maintain their superiority over anyone who doesn't resemble them, including cis women of color or bi women or lesbians who are actually attracted to other women and don't just see them as political pawns.

I really value your input and your counsel on things, and I hope you don't feel like I'm angry at you or I don't like you. Grief's a really hard beast to wrestle with, and I hope you find closure with it someday, even if it's not soon. I trust you to get better and I hope you trust me to get better too. We're all stronger together than alone.

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