Hi! I really really need help with this, and I was advised to look for it here.

Once there was a person, who was there with me through thick and thin. He would say to me: "You would follow me to hell and back" and sure I would. His name is Jocke. And he held my hand through very tough times, so I know he would hold my hand through anything.

So on Thursday, January 18, I received a message from a common friend, who lives in his city: "When was the last time you talked to your fiancé?" Immediately my blood got cold, and I knew exactly, no good news would come. The next moment I was on the floor. The police had found the body, were investigating, his death was sudden, he was very young to die like that.

He was so sweet and loving, he was a genius, better with words than I am, fortunately, he was so dedicated and considerate. He was my loved One, my sweetest dearest most cherished friend. He worked with many fronts, including Lovecraft inspired music and poetry, and UNIX / FreeBSD coding, he had started to develop his own user environment based on FVWM.

He proposed to me in 2017, after supporting me through a very tough time. But truth is, he was always there to help me through hard times. We were then saving to get together and get married, since I live in Brazil and he lived in Sweden. And that's the reason I wasn't there with him when he most needed me. I feel awfully guilty. We had met once before, and I loved him through so many long years. I want to tell our story, I want to show his music and his work to the world.

He wrote me three songs, one of them has a sentence that will be always with me: "We'll onwards strive with heart and hand".

He was the one holding me up, through distance, but still holding me up, when everything was coming down. He even wrote a tale for our daughter. (She was not his biological kid, but he really loved her and called her. ) We are both disheartened, can't find my pieces around and it's so awfully hard.

The causes of his death were unknown til today, when we had news from the police which said it was due to three blood clots in his body, quick death, I hope it was not painful.

So some friends seeing the state things are, started a fundraiser for me and daughter go there to his funeral, it will take a few days so maybe we can go. It's not a happy situation to take a flight, but I know I will feel even more awful if we don't go. Any help is appreciated, really. The link takes all sizes of donations.

I can answer any messages or questions.

Thank you so much for reading til here!