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asterism wrote

Its funny during the night I have something close to aspirations, but I am too tired to do anything. Than during the morning I forget what those aspirations are, like literally I can't remember no matter how hard I think about it. I feel some kind of combination of listless and ambitious.

Some days I hate that I have a family (not that I hate them). There are expectations of me, people depend on me, I can't take risks without bringing people into them that don't want to be part of it, I can't make big life changes, most of the energy I have left after work goes to them, sometimes I think I need to be more selfish but that isn't as easy as it should be be cause I actually give a damn about my wife and kids.

The other day I felt happy, like very happy, and I didn't know why. It was nice. Not that I am normally unhappy but just I was extra happy for no reason.

Wife and her mom had a fight. Pretty much all her Mom's fault over some perceived "disrespect". Ended with her and the kids being kicked out of the in-laws house. Thought that my wife would finally cut her parents out of her life, was looking forward to it, but mother-in-law apologized and things are going to go back to the way they were. I virtually cut my parents out of mine, I see them twice a year and call on holidays and that's it, was hoping that the same might happen with the in-laws. Oh well.

Fridge broke but it was still under warranty so we were able to get it repaired for free, I tried to fix it myself but the part was 80 bucks and the warranty was free so that was that. Learned a lot about fridges, pretty confident I can fix it myself if I ever need to in the future.

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Bezotcovschina wrote (edited )

Some days I hate that I have a family (not that I hate them). There are expectations of me, people depend on me, I can't take risks without bringing people into them that don't want to be part of it, I can't make big life changes, most of the energy I have left after work goes to them, sometimes I think I need to be more selfish but that isn't as easy as it should be be cause I actually give a damn about my wife and kids.

Yeah, the same here. I sometimes envy those young, and furious and not-burdened by various dependencies to risk, to attack, to express themselves through action, to manifest their believes by deeds. I can't.

Actually, the closest thing to "praxis" I've ever committed is mocking one riot-police guy in a bus, where he was riding with a rubber baton peeking out through his backpack, so I've and made a carrot (a huge ass carrot) to peek through my backpack in the same manner and made sure the riot-police guy see it. But then, a week latter, I've learned that the riot-police guy lives very close to me and I was panicked about how my little performance will affect my family. Yeah, tough shit.

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ukuleleclass wrote

happiness is always fleeting <3 i had a pretty darn good day today and i don’t really know why but oh well :) best we can do is try and develop daily practices and meditations on things that ground us in what helps us feel alive.

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tuesday wrote

Why?

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kinshavo OP wrote

Y? MCA!

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tuesday wrote

I would have bet money that that was going to be a rickroll. Thank you for dashing that expectation.

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kinshavo OP wrote

I would never do that to a great voice artist.

And I avoid cheap tricks lol

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asterism wrote

And I avoid cheap trick

I don't

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tuesday wrote

I was going to ask what your favorite song is by them but then I realized I don't actually know that I know of any songs by cheap trick.

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Majrelende wrote (edited )

I believe I recently learned the purpose of anger. Before that, I had never thought it an even slightly useful emotion, because it is so often confused with the unhealthy festering, hateful kind that eats away at the mind.

Someone said something offensive and unwelcome relating to gender, probably a calculated risk; I did something a bit mean in the moment, in a communication of don't speak to me that way, and disappeared for a little while. That, I think, is the purpose of anger: to delineate the boundaries of acceptable interaction. While this person fortunately did not bother me about it, as they usually feel the need to do, less fortunately, they are still offended.

I think the unhealthy, clinging kind of anger comes from suppression of anger. When people are afraid to flick each other, or speak out, or throw pebbles, or other kinds of healthy, not-very-violent expression, or just as terrible, they are able to but their concerns are not heard, then the anger turns to hatred and begins to eat away at the mind, and the integrity of the universe.

Edit: After bloodrose's comment I have changed it a bit, but left it here for understanding-- see below.

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bloodrose wrote

I don't think emotions are healthy or unhealthy. Emotions are information. What we do with that information is healthy or unhealthy.

I had a gaslighter for a boyfriend once and he was really into telling me how I felt too much, how what I felt was unhealthy, too big, too whatever....I wound up on mood stabilizers that I did not need. I still had the same emotions I had always had but I felt for sure they were REAL because I was so muted from the meds, they had to be valid. It was then that I realized the emotions had been telling me to get out and I hadn't been listening to the information in the emotions, I had been listening to the gaslighter instead.

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Majrelende wrote

That makes sense. I think I have been confused, confusing the anger of authority against subject with the other way around and with emotions that arise from interactions between people who both listen to each other, and also considering emotions from the exterior and ignoring the interior. Considering this, I can amend it-- when people pay respectful attention to each others' reactions, it seems that these negative emotions can fulfill a beneficial social role in a wider sense, and not be prolonged. As you said, "emotions are information" though-- they can all be beneficial when we pay attention and listen to them.

One other part is the anger/defensiveness of someone attached to a particular identity or idea. I wonder what to think about that, and do not know.

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subrosa wrote

I just had John Zerzan on Anarchy Radio inform me that, last week, we had all-time record rainfalls in Austria.

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ziq wrote

Top ten after-work naps.

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kinshavo OP wrote

I only remember after school naps being good, the kind of good that you droll on the pillow and wake up with marks on the skin

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Potkea wrote

Im flying away tomorrow to visit family abroad for a month. Im kinda nervous and excited.

A lot of the time the wifi will be unusable, so I'll probably be gone from raddle more often than not.

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Potkea wrote

LOL the very day I leave the country is the day I make solid progress on an essay I've been writing for a while.

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bloodrose wrote

My husband daughter were out of town for a few days this week. I, an extrovert, was left alone for four days. It was haaaaard. Oh my god. I hate hate hate being alone. I'd rather be annoyed by people than be alone.

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tuesday wrote

can't relate.

But I am in awe of extroverts, honestly. I don't know how you do it. I love people, from afar. But interacting with them is often so draining for me. I can do it, years of customer service experience does that to a person but it's just SO MUCH sometimes.

I really have to plan and give myself time when I have to deal with people and absolutely need a break of some absolute solitude when I'm done. Like I've dropped the animals off at my parent's house after big events (conferences and such) because even my sweet babies, who I love more than life itself, annoy the everloving fuck out of me when I'm drained from peopleing.

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bloodrose wrote

Honestly, I wish I wasn't an extrovert. It means I can't stand to not burden people with my presence. I always know that I need to be around people but I also know that others find it tiring to be around me. :( It feels so imposing to be who I am. At least if I liked being alone, I could do so without bothering other people.

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Haruki wrote

It feels so imposing to be who I am.

I can relate. I often feel like an annoyance to my housemates. I complain about meat and cars and sexism, constantly. They do those things, constantly. We impose on each other with our words, yet, the need for idle talk remains. A house full of extroverts and no one likes what the other has to say. Like a clown booked for a funeral, funny and sad all at once.

I look forward to your posts on raddle. I bet other people do too. Your presence can't be an burden if people are asking for it.

I know message boards aren't exactly a replacement for IRL interactions, but whenever I'm feeling social and I got no one around that would appreciate my brain diarrhea, I hop online and shitpost. I've been posting more lately. Perhaps I should find new housemates? Harder to do when the housemates are family.

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Basil wrote

I started working forty hours a week recently. I was opposed to that many hours before, but now, knowing that I have a good job where I get paid lunch and 2 1/2 hours a day to do whatever, and still seeing how bad and tired I feel everyday, I don't understand how this has been the norm for so long, and how before that the standard was even longer. I hope that either the revolution comes soon, or that at least wages get raised and hours lowered.

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