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gone_to_croatan OP wrote

I hate when people always asks why I look so tired or if something happened. Damn, I can't look like shit? Am I killing your vibe? Great, now go f+CK yourselves...

People expecting me to be functional on every aspect of my life, I can't even get drunk or stoned, I don't feel like it so my junkie "friends" (probably not friends, but you got what you got) are always pissed that I wanna party hard.

I wish I had a more direct action project to engage right now, I need to release some tension to get my life back. The mutual aid project is dead, my poor leadership skills plus lack of interest by others (well I am trying not to be harsh on them, but if you expect to deal with thief's and junkies and you don't live up to your 3rd world swag don't say to me that you are the ultimate anarchist).

I am not on my lowest, but people think that I am soft because I speak soft, and who said that soft need to be condescending or passive. It's like lying between the rock and a hard place, Lumpen&Bougie.

I don't know what future I am seeking for myself. Never knew

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subrosa wrote

Ye may be soft spoken but some of us can pick up on dynamite vibes ;)

Seems to me that the future is always someone else's. Emphasis on one. I think that's what some anarchists are getting at with projectuality and prefiguration, we're attempting to continuously "unforclose" futures and are never quite satisfied with anything that suggests a narrowing of options. Especially when it comes down to one.

Sorry to hear the mutual aid project is dead. Sounded like something that gave you the occasional glimpse of a broadening of possibilities. No fun when even that goes away.

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Styx wrote

I don't know what future I am seeking for myself. Never knew

Don't needlessly complicate it. There's only one question that needs to be answered regarding the future.

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lettuceLeafer wrote

TT

U kinda made it sound like u had things going pretty well. Hey, now u have many possibilities for what u can do or just chill. Lol

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gone_to_croatan OP wrote

I feel that slowly I am getting my life back. I created this account during the early pandemic lockdowns bc I always had raddle as a cool place to meet anarchists, so I had been coping with Raddlers.

I still feel depressed most of the time, my social life is so disfuncional right now, my self esteem is low as ever too. I never had the guts to live like a gutter punk. maybe I am frustrated by it, maybe I have some never diagnosed disability that make me not wanting a normal life

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