Comments
flingwingin wrote
this used to really bother me until i found a different ontological seating i guess you could call it...
e.g. many people start out (or at least are cultivated to think this way) with some idea of identity that is static (but changeable if they desire) and refers to certain characteristics. So there's distress for example when you don't live up to some ideal.
but if you never really fucked with that, or couldnt cultivate such a strong and static ego (many people), then instead you probably tend to view yourself as something which is only really present or fully represented in the moment. But this can lead to a similar stress when your states of consciousness, train of thought, or usual habits or patters are changed/challenged, as they give rise to your sense of self. (and this basically is the basis for schizophrenia as i understand it, where people in this position try to solidify the particular facets of their ego internally to themselves and introvert so as to be unchallenged, while proliferating various particularities of identity externally)
the answer i found is to find myself not in the moment, but instead in my whole history, and in my capacity to affect change in the world around me (my power). Idk if this is really some end, like a stable spot or what, but its worked for me. Basically go with the idea that there is no static you - take it to its end though and also look at reality idk. Don't get scared off into regressing to particularities or searching for external validation of identity.
Btw i had a therapist who tried to get me to do this stupid worksheet like about who i was and what my various character traits are... as i see it therapists are just fucking mind cops who want to regress you to more conservative ways of thinking, its ridiculous. I tried telling her i dont feel that identity is like that, and she basically just said i was being rude and she was the expert here. They put their stupid college training above any considerations of philosophy or even above a wider understanding of psychology. JS. It sounds like a thing you might go to a therapist for, and basically dont
Rat OP wrote
Thank you for this response, I've been thinking about it for a few months now. The spirit is growing up.
Tequilx_Wolf wrote
Depends on the changes and what stage in the changes.
That said, almost invariably now, the easiest way to get back on my feet (so I have a sense of capacity to even deal with those things) is to take small doses of psilocybin before bed (with some alprazolam to facilitate peaceful sleep).
I used to wait out being a husk until I had some energy, but that comparitively takes a while and impedes my ability to affect the world.