Submitted by lettuceLeafer in lobby (edited )

So I'm less confused now and think I know the right answer but still not sure. So I went to go see this house today. I had to meet with the land speculator. What made this interesting is that they are black woman (well I don't know their gender but woman in the sense they are are assumed t be one so they suffer from Mysogyny). Give me a sec it will make sense in a bit.

So this person already pissed me off, she had been by far the most rude person to me so far. She is one of the few people who requires them to babysit me while I look thru so I don't steal anything from he empty house which has nothing to steal. I mean that's fine and all but the made it a big pain. Ignores me, I call and schedule then they cancel part minute. Did that twice. Whatever no real big deal tbh but it's still a massive insult.

So I show up 10 minutes early so I don't waste people's time and I can look at stuff. I look around but int he back of my mind I'm like don't look to suspicious if the home owner com s they might glow their fuse at me or might cause probs with neighbors. While it's still a poor black neighborhood it's nice enough area that I consider most of the houses indulgent. Tho this house is just kinda undervalued.

So I wait and I wait and they finally come 15 minutes late in their new gas guzzling truck that no joke cost as much as my living expenses for 5 years. Hell way more valuable than the house.

They they come out and look kinda ridiculous wearing clothes that look way too nice for coming into a dusty deity house. Plus the have a bunch of liberal girl boss buttons on their jacket which has those fashion holes in it.

They don't apologize for me having to wait for 25 minutes on them. But whatever. How I also forgot to mention this is the only house in the block with iron bars on the windows. Which is a incredibly big dick move. Plus this house doesn't have anything worth stealing so it's all to prevent squatters. Their person spent a lot of time and money to make sure the homeless don't live in the home they are leaving vacant. Rather than idk actually puting that effort into selling the house or whatever. So they come to unlock the door they say let me unlock the door. So I come to go step by the porch. Well the key is in a lockbox so I guess she didn't want me within 10 foot of her while putting in the combo bc she barks at me to keep me from coming to the property. So like a child in a corner I stay like 10 foot away facing the other direction like I'm in time out until I get the OK to come out.

It's just typical taking bullshit from rich people bc I'm poor and kinda desperate. We get into the house and more snooty comments and general rudeness steming form her not respecting me or my time at all.

So we finish and I go in my car. And I think to myself. God I wish I could just puch them and steal their stuff. But they would call the shitty cops on me. But then I realized oh God what if I'm actually the oppressive one in this scenario.

A white man punching a black woman for no being overly nice and then taking their things sounds racist and mysogynist. You know women especially black women often get portrayed at brutish men so maybe I'm just projecting that. Am I just reinforcing patriarchy bc I want to beat women who barely graze my weak ego?

I'm a white person going to a black nieghborbood I don't like in and wanting to attack a black person and take their things. That kinda sounds like imperialism. The more I think about it I might be the shitty person. Plus dealing with white men in a male dominated field might make a woman feel like they have to be aggressive to betaken seriously. I mean I did consider them a fool and impractical. Plus women often feel like they have to dress up to be taken seriously in professional environments by men. So is me thinking them dressing like an out of touch rich asshole might just be them coping with patriarchy.

Am I just idolizing me oppressing black women for trying to deal with society the best way they can? Tho if me wanting to rob this black person is me being racist but the threat of the black person calling the cops preventing me from being racist is a correct analysis does that mean that the cops are being anti racist. (I seriously considered this)

No, no that's not right. God I sound like I'm in the alt right. Oh no black women have more power than me and I fear being brutalized by them calling the cops on me. That's fucking fantasy land. Thats not right. Do they even have the ability to call the police on me? Like if I did assault them wouldn't the police just like pat me on the back since their purpose I to hurt black people? Me worrying about black people oppressing me with institutions of white supremacy is ridiculous. So then I think no they treated me like shit and are a rich piece of shit. I'm just letting IDpol trick me into thinking I'm the one actually hurting the person being shitty to me. We now I really do sound like a white nationalist.

Idk I'm just so confused. My brain doesn't currently have the capability to process this type of interaction. It's like when a calculator divides by zero. It's one thing when I work with Rich asshole white people bc I can just be shitty to them but not worry about it. But in this situation I want to be nice as not worry about being any more oppressive than I need to. But also I want to be rude to the people being shitty to me.

But I just sound fucking ridiculous in my head. Ugh this rich black woman is being really fucking awful to me and has a lot of power over me thru the US government bc I sound fucking ridiculous and a cry baby.

God this is actually really fucking confusing. I have no idea how I should process this or feel and it really fucking sucks. I think I was just treated like shit and shouldn't worry about it but I can't be sure.

Edit: just to be clear I'm not trying to do satire or critique ID Pol here. I'm being 100 percent serious. And not trying to belite anyone. Tho maybe the title was a but out of touch but kinda funny.

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Comments

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bloodrose wrote

So, yeah, reading what you've written, it sounds like you had some internalized misogyny and racism happening in your head. The reality is a LOT of us have it happening all the time - and the thing we need to do is confront it when we see it in ourselves. And like, you're doing that. So, yeah, good job. Do that more and I will, too. <3

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lettuceLeafer OP wrote

I don't quite understand how internalized Mysogyny or racism apply here. Like I thought those terms were talking about how victims of said oppression kinda oppress themself mentally. Like women slut shaming themself or black people thinking lesser of themself for their race.

I don't think it's possible for me to internalize Mysogyny or racism if I'm understanding the term right. It would be me just being racist or mysogynist.

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bloodrose wrote

You're right. I used the wrong term. I meant unconscious racial bias. Sorry, I mistype as much as I misspeak. :D

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CaptainACAB wrote

Whether or not you feel the way you do is due to some subconscious racism or sexism isn't really for me to say, any statement to that effect would be pure conjecture; I could pull anything out of my ass if we're talking about the hidden motivations of a stranger's psyche.

I don't really know you, so I have no interest in condemning or vindicating you with a racist/not-a-racist label based on an anecdote that you feel guilty about.

I'm gonna go with "racist" based on the fact that we live in a colony of white supremacist culture. The better question is: what are you going to do about it now?

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potatoes wrote

From their perspective, aren't you a white person moving into a traditionally black neighborhood? They might be a little antagonistic for that reason alone. And the rest kind of snowballs.

If this is the actual property owner, it sounds like they won't be enthusiastic to sell to you. Which means they might charge you more. Especially if the place has already been vacant a while.

But don't fret too much about the relationship with the current owner. Worry about your relationship with the neighbors. If you end up buying the place, they will be of continuous relevance to your daily life. The owner you only need to keep it cordial with long enough for you to make an offer and them to (hopefully) accept it.

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naocat wrote

Sounds like a matter of just rolling with the punches. It's not about any individual rich people or whatever, and especially not about their personal relationship with identity politics, race, or gender. Sorry you glanced off someone that was a dick in a capitalist system but that's all that happened.

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fortifiedmischief wrote

this was somehow both amazing and scary to read lol. Idk how u managed to be funny and seriously spiralling at the same time. I think it's fine to get angry, and good to be questioning yourself when your anger is directed to someone who is "racially underprivileged" compared to you. my qualm is with the fact that your anger is manifested thru a desire to punch her and steal her shit (what tho? i thought there was nothing lol). i think u should try to find another way for your anger to express itself... something other than violent urges. cause that's the kind of shit that gets dangerous if it gets out of your control. like i yell when i get really angry. which isn't great, but doesn't physically hurt anyone.

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lettuceLeafer OP wrote

U get that the kill people right? Like people freeze to death in the cold so they spend a bunch of money turning their vacant houses into fortresses so homeless people don't get in to prevent dying.

They also are in a position of spending lots of money on a lifestyle on a backdrop of people dying the don't have enough to live.

I should be pissed at people who kill the most vulnerable for money. Thinking it's better to sit by and let the people oppress the most vulnerable is not something I would want.

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fortifiedmischief wrote (edited )

ya definitely you should 100% be pissed as hell. Im not saying you shouldn't be. But it's what you do with that anger that counts.

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