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hunger wrote

God was supposed to take care of me so I didn't take care of myself. God was supposed to direct me so I didn't direct myself. God was supposed heal and mend me so I didn't heal myself. and I could go on about all the things God was supposed to do that I neglected to do. and the realization, the day I stopped being a Christian, was that the only one who will ever look after my own interests is me. And that is a daunting, bleak, and isolating realization but it is also an empowering one.

It's the most empowering thing, power to you fam. Most people stay like children (especially when theyre taught to be like "sheep"), and never connect to their inner power, and instead keep their view of themselves as fundamentally powerless, when what we are fundamentally is the exact opposite, what am "I" but pure will? Everything else is separable from "me" but my pure will.

I worry that having no moral code will lead me to do something foolish

Thats a pretty good worry. I wonder why it'd matter though if you had no moral code, no foolishness should bother you ;P

Anyways you just gotta trust yourself, and not shame yourself, just be good to yourself with trust and even if you fuck something up and notice in retrospect, you can move on from there and know what not to do in the future. But for the most part, you know what to do.... Though anyways this is all just bland bullshit honestly. Anyone who can think though this shit themselves obviously gets it.

You're coming up against nihilism, after leaving solid and self-justifying values. Of course it turns out that self-justifying is another way to say "building a house as its own foundation" and is flimsy af. But anyways, a totally empty nihilism is also flimsy... it can't even support it's own lack of value with anything. Behind that nihilism though there was already a critical mind, and a mind which can accept change and progress in thoughts, and is honest about the findings. This is what's after the nihilism, and it's equally empty but its very realization implies certain duties (and faith), unlike those of christianity (blind faith and duty to external rules+judgement, versus "faith" the same way that when you put a cup with water to your lips you expect it to flow into your mouth, and "duty" in the sense of something which is inescapable except by repressing/regressing your knowledge, and gives you a guide for positive action)

I worry that I still think about the world in a Christian way just without a belief in God.

Lots of christians do, and its pretty sad... but if you stop seeing yourself as needing some Other to justify your actions and existence, you're free as far as i can tell. Thats the real test, i believe.

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