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lettuceLeafer wrote

Been having some really good progress with work and housing which is really nice n anxiety inducing. Pretty sure I'm going to put an offer on a home soon. Annoying to deal with a lot of self doubt n worry since I seriously messed up my last attempt.

With my work continues at my current progression I should be able to pull off one of my most impressive mutual aid projects yet. Which is exciting to look forward towards.

For almost all the cheap houses I'm looking at they are in in vast majority black neighborhoods. Like a slightly over one percent white population. Nothing wrong with that but it will be a massive culture shock for me. Moving from an area so white that I have a decent amount of family members who are against interacting relationship.

So I bet my move will have me live in an area vastly different than what I'm used to so I will be able to learn and grow a lot. Which is cool.

Been smoking too much tbh. Still deciding if I want to limit my use or not bc I really like to smoke but shit is bad for u lol.

I've been starting to get pangs of loneliness as I've been in one of my anti social moods again. But still not enough that I feel like trying to make friends or hang out with people. Tho I think most of my social interactions being with people who I don't like that well or being bickering wit people on social media isn't probably the best. Tho I have no real desire to look for friends atm. Tho I think part of it is that it's really hard to find people I would actually like or who understand me. So I have to spend lots of time and effort to make friends and the friends being people who I wouldn't like to talk to is probably why my current anti social moods has been going on for so long.

I live doing the most anxiety inducing things possible all the time but dealing with all the anxiety all the time is rough. Lol

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bloodrose wrote

So I have to spend lots of time and effort to make friends and the friends being people who I wouldn't like to talk to is probably why my current anti social moods has been going on for so long.

I saw a lovely tiktok last night. It was a young woman saying as an adult the way she made friends is just acted like the person she wanted to be friends with was already her friend until they acquiesced. I thought this was really cool and a strategy I'd like to try buuuut....I haven't met anyone cool enough to just latch onto like that. Sooo...what I'm saying is that I can relate to your sentiment of being antisocial because why put in the effort for someone who isn't cool?

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