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bloodrose wrote

So last night my husband was a dick to me because I didn't have a protein cooked for him. I've told him before that I will always make him side dishes but if mine and my kid's protein isn't suitable for his diet, he's on his own. This is primarily because he broke my stove top so I have to cook on a hot plate and only have one burner (if I had a working cooktop, I'd have no problem having a separate frying pan for his proteins). So, basically, it's his fucking fault I'm not cooking his protein anyhow. He then was a moody turd because I didn't tell him to come cook himself a protein at a time that would've made it so I couldn't cook my kid dinner. Anyways, we worked out a compromise that he needs to come up with microwavable proteins because I can do that while I'm making mine and my kid's dinner. It's a bullshit compromise but whatever, men suck.

That is all back story for the real story: today my daughter starts complaining to me about how I need to cook him a main dish, too. And I went off, y'all. This is misogyny at work. You sit there and get moody about something and you make everyone around you not want to deal with your moodiness so they start thinking about how to fix it so you aren't moody again. I asked my daughter why I have to cook and not daddy and she said she liked my cooking.

So then I went into a long-ass diatribe about how purposely not learning something so that other people do it for you is bullshit. I explained to her that no one taught me how to cook, I was completely self-taught. This amazed her because I am a pretty good cook. She started to ask about the internet and I said "oh, back when I was learning to cook, I learned from books and cooking tv shows". Now, with youtube there is absolutely no excuse to not know how to cook.

Of course, now she wants to learn to cook instead of understanding that the problem was that a dude was a dick and forcing others to do shit for him by being a dick. There are other ways he engages in misogyny that she sees. I am trying to make sure she sees them and understands they are shit. She can still love the fuck out of him as long as she doesn't accept his misogynist bullshit herself.

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existential1 wrote

Oh man, thats a lot. Sorry you had to experience that. And it sounds like it might not be the last time. My parents were kinda black radically folks and one thing i remember from childhood that might be of some help is that i remember them specifically having a conversation about household "chores" that was really in retrospect them talking to me about how their marriage worked. They basically talked to me about how they both like cooking so they both do that but one didn't like to do x and other didn't mind y so they split up chores. The punchline was that I was an only child so i had to clean my own room and the bathroom that i used and every guest used as well. They were funny like that.

But the point I'm trying to get across is that some 25 years later I remember my parents talking to me about the fact that some chores are shared and if people don't like what others are doing they can always do more to satisfy themselves but they can never do less. Like your kiddo probably will (hopefully for very different reasons) I was making full meals by 5th grade since they both worked jobs 2 hrs away by car and didnt get home till after 7pm. And i was happy to do it because i felt like i was helping. But that never wouldve happened if my parents didn't expose me to how they separated work and held each other accountable...and how i was supposed to hold them accountable...and how i was supposed to be accountable. But...that sort of rad honesty isn't for everyone. My aunts and uncles hated the way my parents "ruined my childhood."

But back to you...Im sorry. That sucks. I don't know your dynamic with your family but I have very strong feelings about rad honesty from parents. Also...when ya mans/partner gonna fix that oven/stove? XD

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bloodrose wrote

I wish this was agreed-upon division of labor. In fact, the domestic labor I do is completely foisted upon me. I find it oppressive and it wears on me and destroys the love I had for my husband.

What I hope to eventually foster with my daughter is a paradigm in which she and I are responsible for ourselves and she looks back at him as a pathetic antiquation rather than an exerter of control. I do not want this pattern repeated for her.

I, too, was cooking at a young age. I had a cousin who still had her mother cook her ramen at 10. I looked at my cousin like she was a baby for not being able to cook it herself. I think your aunts and uncles may have been like mine and not get the idea that kids like to take care of themselves and others. Your childhood sounds rad, really.

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Kinshavo wrote

I hope you stay strong ❤️

This kind of thing harm us more than we give credit, and it's nice to see how you can parent your kid even in the middle of this situation. Housework is never accounted for and our society makes it look like a waste of time for people who can pay for cleaning and cooking

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bloodrose wrote

This kind of thing harm us more than we give credit

And more than men will acknowledge. Whenever I point out the misogyny in the situation, my husband minimizes it and claims it is all from something else.

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GlangSnorrisson wrote (edited )

Not to be a dick about it, but every time I read about your husband he sounds like more of an asshole.

I’m sorry you had to deal with that, Bloodrose.

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bloodrose wrote (edited )

He is an ardent feminist except when misogyny benefits him. I like to point out his failures in that way to show that even the person who points out casual misogyny will benefit from it if they can. It is proof of why all men should not be trusted to not be oppressive to women and we need to completely dismantle their power.

But also, he is being helpful this week helping me get my car registration renewed while I've been stuck working, so it's not 100% bad. And he never comments on my looks which is super important to me.

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GlangSnorrisson wrote (edited )

In my experience, men who aren’t taught to cook and care for themselves as children will do quite literally anything not to do it or learn anything as adults. This includes gross misogynistic nonsense like you experienced. No matter how much they claim to be against that kind of stuff.

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bloodrose wrote

LEGIT. And it's kind of ridiculous because it is beyond easy to learn how to cook.

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GlangSnorrisson wrote (edited )

Yep. I’ve run into this with men in my family. A complete unwillingness to learn.

It’s especially weird since these days you can put on a YouTube video and have someone walk you through every step of every recipe you can think of. Really no excuse not to know basic cooking stuff.

I’m glad your husband doesn’t comment on your looks though, that would be super fucked up.

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snack wrote

Wow, that sucks.

I think it admirable though, how you talked it through with your daughter, it sounds like you have a good foundation for communication. Even if she doesn't get the whole picture yet, she'll remember you teaching her stuff and taking the time to explain.

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existential1 wrote

Very much looking forward to the day when I learn how to be comfortable not working. Im like 100% anti-work in the brain, but my body doesn't know how to turn off the "must produce value" algorithm.

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moonlune wrote

Start a garden. There's always something to do for overthinking workaholics, but you can also half-abandon it and get crops anyways.

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existential1 wrote

That's what my last house was. I turned .18 acres into a mini food forest. Had 4 trees, 9 shrubs, and like 20 different "annuals" that i started from seed and all became wild. I just moved to my new place, which is let's just say is very far north relative to most of the world. It was -10 yesterday. Got to switch up planting ideas.

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CameronNemo wrote

Wow I wish I had that much space to work with unimpeded.

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existential1 wrote

Yeah, real estate is a scam.

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CameronNemo wrote

So are the narcs monitoring the remaining brown fields open space.

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existential1 wrote

If you're in a city, actually, yes. I planted some trees in open space and the city came and removed them. I can only imagine someone ratted.

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inthedustofthisplanet wrote

It's fucking wild that I have boobs now. LIKE ITS WEIRD but in a good way.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa

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orange wrote

LOVE THAT FOR YOU!!

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inthedustofthisplanet wrote

It's weird not knowing how to feel about it. I guess it doesn't feel real. Got to remind myself it's not like it use to be!!!!!

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snack wrote

i got myself an e-reader, it's an old kobo, and it does everything it should so i'm happy with it. thanks again to all the lovelies who shared their insights!

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CameronNemo wrote

Hey I've got a kobo too! I can't wait to crack it open and throw a postmarketos SD card into it someday. But for now I'm just downloading epubs from wherever and reading away ;)

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snack wrote

i just read something on children's media consumption - the text argued that media consumption is dependent on different things, like age, time of day, environment etc - and one of those categories was the parents level education

and i mean why? i know you read that kind of thing often, but in this case especially it seemed almost non-nonsensical to me. because what does it suggest? that a parent without a certain educational degree doesn't know that reading to the child before bed might be better that random youtube videos? bullshit. that is one class shit-talking another class, mostly in texts, which the latter has no access to (because i mostly read about such things for college or work related stuff), and therefore is never gonna read.

why not look at it from a different angle, like the parents working conditions? say that it's dependent on how much the parents are being exploited to afford to live. how tired they are, when they get home from work and how much energy they have left to be patient with their kids, or whether one parent earns enough so that the other can look after the child's media consumption. end of rant i guess

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black_fox OP wrote

article sounds like a reminder that society thinks that education level indicates level of intelligence

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snack wrote

yeah, true. or that there is only one form of intelligence, or a somehow superior way to be intelligent

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annikastheory wrote

Yeah this is why it is so important to remember that correlation doesn't mean causation. So many lies are told by intentionally ignoring this bit of logic.

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snack wrote

also true! and i like how you worded that

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annikastheory wrote

I don't meal plan because I don't want to put effort into anything. But I didn't really have food ready so I ate peanut butter and honey sandwiches every day this week. (yes I know honey isn't vegan but I have a huge jar of it from pre-vegan days so I may as well use it up.) Getting real sick of peanut butter. Probably need to start putting effort into making more food lol.

Kind of not looking forward to thanksgiving either because I am certain that there will be nothing there to eat. I could take things into my own hands and make a vegan dish maybe. Wife decided to make some vegan desserts for thanksgiving which was nice and I really appreciate (she isn't going vegan with me). Every year I think about not celebrating 4th of July and thanksgiving (because I ain't fan) but I do anyway because I don't want to be a stick in the mud either.

Speaking of not putting effort into things wife and I have let the chores slide so house is a disaster. I am probably going to make a concentrated effort to clean this weekend. Not looking forward to that.

Trying to make a classical guitar arrangement for a song I like. Found one guitar arrangement already on youtube but I found that one a little dissatisfying (he didn't even write an ending he just faded the video out which is a pet peeve because you can't fade a classical guitar out during a performance). Couldn't find an official score for the song so I am working off of someone's piano arrangement. I think I am starting to build enough confidence that I might be ok practicing when my family is around. Not sure though.

Totally related anyone know any good spider themed songs? Bonus points if they are classical pieces but I would take anything.

We played dnd last weekend. I crave more. Probably won't play again until February. Trying to use tinder to find more friends but no one ever responds to messages. Kind of discouraging really.

Coworkers are mad about work's Holiday party. Several people sent strong emails to mgmt about it I guess. A few are mad because they are calling it a "Holiday party" and not a "Christmas party". Even in my diehard Christian days I never understood why people cared. Anyway they do the party during work hours so its basically a glorified meeting with catered food. But this year, and this is the real issue people are upset about, they aren't even catering they are doing a potluck. So kind of funny they are throwing us a party but then we have to bring all the food. I always hated work Christmas parties so I don't care but they seem to be real fired up about it.

Finally started One Piece.

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bloodrose wrote

Re: thanksgiving meal. Easy peasy vegan thing to add to thanksgiving is a stuffed acorn squash. You can do most of the work ahead and just throw it in the oven at the end of all the cooking to have it warm up. Also, it's cheap for a LOT of food so you don't have to guard the vegan option for yourself. This is one of my favorite recipes: https://www.emilieeats.com/wild-rice-and-tempeh-stuffed-acorn-squash/

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snack wrote

what up, babes?

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metocin wrote (edited )

Have to write a 9 page essay for my pol theory class. I have a full outline with notes and everything made but I'm so exhausted from working on it and not sleeping enough this past week. I'm diagnosed with ADHD and it takes me such a long time to get things done. At least I am interested in the topic, the prompt I chose has me defending the concept of ideology and using two ideologies that we have covered to form my argument. Luckily we covered Anarchism and Green ideology so I'm basically writing an essay on green anarchy which is cool. I might have to miss work later to finish it on time which is stressful because money is tight and my partner hasn't been making as much lately due to their mental health struggles brought on by work load from their classes.

I love being back in school but I can't wait for this semester to be over. I'm so drained and I haven't been eating as good as usual, and I haven't had time to exercise or read stuff that's not class related.

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loukanikos wrote

Been reading/re-reading Bullshit Jobs because everyone is talking about Graeber's new book and I realized I only ever read excerpts. It is truly a masterpiece. I also started reading Climate Leviathan at the same time because I am unable to focus on one thing at a time. Probably I should just put both down and read The Dawn of Everything but I haven't got my hands on a copy yet...

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bloodrose wrote

I need to finish reading Graeber's Debt book. I'm dubious of things that are published posthumously with another author involved...but what I read of Debt was sooo good.

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metocin wrote

Debt and BS jobs are both extremely satisfying reads and worth your time!

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CaptainACAB wrote

Being "the responsible child" fucking sucks.

Going to college because "it's what my dead relative would have wanted" meant fuck all for enduring that garbage for 3 years, so I went back home.

Got a job after a year of paying penance for my parent's poor decision making; a job that I'm really good at, but is so mind-numbingly draining that the first feeling that washes over me when I think that I might get fired is relief. Customer service over the phone for a full 8 hours and no consecutive days off was the only job I could land and I can see why.

So naturally, my mother decided to leave to go to another country for 10 days to meet up with a fiance that I've never spoken to. Naturally, me being the responsible one, I get to look after my brother and HER two dogs while working full time. House is covered in shit and I'm the only one who can even do anything about it because her ex (who's also been crashing here) is incompetent.

So that's how my week has been going.

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inthedustofthisplanet wrote

Wtf I have a date today. :o

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Kinshavo wrote

Now I want an update 🤭

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inthedustofthisplanet wrote (edited )

I actually had a fun time. Plans didn't go quite as smooth as thought, but we're planning on hanging out again next weekend. I haven't felt like this in like five years how O D D. :)

He is very sweet and KIND! :)

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Quicksilver wrote

Decided to observe Chanukah this year, and I've booked it all off as well, which will be nice. Hopefully the menorah will be delivered by Wednesday!

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mindforgedmanacles wrote

I obviously sound like a broken record at this point, but I can't being convinced by the feeling of how the world would probably be a better place if I never existed. That, and the feeling that the future only promises more unspeakable horrors and a monotonous wasted life of wage slavery.

I feel like people either can't stand me or just pity me for my stupidity. I feel like love is disappearing from the world, I feel like I'm increasingly becoming cyborgized with the devices I fill my life with in the absence of meaningful relationships.

I'm in a perpetual toxic hole.

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ziq wrote

It rained for 2 days so I don't have power. Will turn off registrations during nights for a while.

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