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zoom_zip OP wrote

apologies to everyone who thinks my comments have been confrontational or if i have been an asshole to anyone in the past week or two. i recognise in myself that i am in the cycle of my mood where i become compelled to post angry, cynical, retaliatory things online. i hope you are all doing well.

i’m still looking for submissions of anything you want to submit for a zine. i’ve got maybe ten or so pages of my own stuff laid out.

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kin wrote

Weird week, and I didn't notice you being confrontational. You always contribute with cool things, the zine project and all

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[deleted] wrote

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zoom_zip OP wrote

ah that sucks. if you find anything—even old stuff—i’ll take it. just so it’s not only my stuff

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Bezotcovschina wrote

Sometimes I just want to write something on raddle for the sake of writing something. Like a prove of my existence to myself. Hey, I'm here, I'm alive. They will see me and confirm my existence. I'm in very touchy mood right now and I want to cry out of deep existential sadness. Can't contribute in any meaningful way otherwise.

Yeah, right, FUCK THIS SHIT, indeed. Who cares?

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ziq wrote (edited )

i care about you. i just don't care about people who feel the need to tell me they don't care about things i care about. it's so frustrating when people shame me for trying to create discussions. it completely poisons the site when people try to kill discussions other people are engaging in because they don't find the topic to be personally entertaining

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kin wrote

I care, lots of people here do too

It's hard for us Dreamers, but we need to keep on, by dreaming every day

Please do drop some line when you feel like

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ziq wrote

i've decided to be an ebay videogame scalper because taking money from rich nerds feels good. i'm especially focusing on anime games with young girls on the covers because fans of those games especially deserve to have their money taken

on that note i just realized scalper is racist but have no idea what an alternative word would be

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Fool wrote

Synonyms & Antonyms of scalper

bootlegger, fence, hustler, smuggler, or trafficker.

I think you'd be pretty happy with one of those choices

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zoom_zip OP wrote

reseller? trader?

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ziq wrote

Idk what u mean. I just drove to all the places that had deeply discounted anime girl games and bought them all. This atelier series I'm mostly focusing on apparently has small print runs so once they sell out, the prices get high on ebay. Gonna sit on them for a few years now then sell them to yuppie virgins overseas.

I guess no one here buys them because they were 85% off on both Switch and PS4 even though they already cost more than full price on ebay.

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mofongo wrote

Lucky you, here launch day wiiu games remained full price until the switch came out. Then they were threw out.

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Faolinbean wrote

i feel like there should be a world record category for crying at work

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zoom_zip OP wrote

i hope everything is okay.

if you need any suggestions for how to dismantle your employer through subtle sabotage from the inside, hit me up.

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Faolinbean wrote

it is, just struggling with a personality disorder that sucks at processing emotions seems to make the wage labor ripoff cut that much deeper some days. today i got 3 sessions in before lunch and i think i should win something for it 🤷xD

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Bezotcovschina wrote (edited )

In my bullshit job I just simulate I do things, doing almost nothing for several years. I'm so good at this, so I've just being assigned as a substitute for one of our high-manager while he's one a vacation. I don't know, I feel privileged as fuck, and it's bothers me

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halfway_prince wrote

I had a terrible interaction with my room mate and wondering how much longer i can live in shared housing vs. on my own. I've been struggling with the need for human interaction/connection with the seemingly irreconcilable need for personal autonomy/free expression in my own space.

This had me revisit a text by u/ziq "Against Community Building, Towards Friendship ". I think the overarching message of the piece is an important one, and it resonated with me particularly in this moment.

A community in its current form almost requires everyone involved be socialized in extreme docility, forced to exist in a perpetual state of submission to everyone around them.

This is very much how I've been feeling/interacting with my household "community". Everyone has particular triggers that need to be respected and personality quirks that need to be navigated around to make everyone feel safe and comfortable. However, when that's the accepted norm it feels like that ends up forcing us apart rather than bringing us together, since we need to constantly be hiding or repressing parts of ourselves.

While clearly i agree with a lot of what Ziq says (and the overall message of this piece), I would like to add that I think that they're only referring to a narrow definition of "community" and a very ambiguous definition of "friendship". I don't want this to come off as a semantic dispute, because i think at the core of the issue there is a lot of overlap between community and friendship and blending of relationships between the two.

From my understanding, Ziq is referring to a narrow definition of "community" as it's typically employed in Western leftist organizing circles (not implying that is their background, this is just the parallel that i'm seeing). Community that is conflict-averse and often united in a common goal that is used to supersede individual desires (this is partially outlined in the article, but summarizing for those who haven't read). However disappoint this is, it seems to me like these are not irredeemable failures or even do they fully outweigh the benefits of having non-exclusionary practices. I think that in this piece, Ziq doesn't give enough voice to the benefits of communities that are open to every free of judgement or exclusion.

On the other hand, friendship in the current world seems to be inherently exclusionary. From the simple, silly question of "how do you meet people to become friends with if all you're doing is spending time with your friends", I'm finding it somewhat a non-convincing framework for social life.

I also think it's important to reflect on how friendships in predominantly capitalist societies have been commodified, and as such, many of us have lost our ability to truly engage in healthy friendships.

I think there's got to be a lot of unlearning & learning before we're ready to say that friendships can replace all communities.

I have to go to work so wasn't able to flesh out all of these thoughts, more wrote this as a stream of consciousness so sorry if it's not quite refined. (also i'm v sad right now and sick of being docile, but alas, i will write instead of taking bite out of their neck).

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[deleted] wrote

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halfway_prince wrote

i think maybe the only form of friendship i would like to formally recognize is that with people who will rub my back when i'm breaking down.

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ziq wrote

don't trust anything i have to say about friendship. i haven't had a friend in this world my whole life. i hid in the boiler room every break when i was in school and i've gone months without speaking a single word to anyone several times

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kin wrote

I had covid past month and I still didn't recover my sense of smell.. maybe this pandemic is the time of most stagnation In my life, my mental health is in shambles, far from my friends and family, I can't seem to do anything besides indulging in overeating and being an alcoholic when I want to.

I am happy that I can share with u/inthedustofthisplanet some of gnosis, I am experiencing some dissociation episodes in my meditation and even in my dreams, usually I wouldn't bother but with the current postcovid anxiety I need to take better care of myself.

Eager to read next f/flowering post, u/subrosa have all the best insights.

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[deleted] wrote

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kin wrote

Thanks for the kind words :)

I pretty much don't notice that I lost my sense of smell during the day, only when eating or when I see something I associate with strong smell like soap or perfume. So far it's not so bad as would seem, I am happy to not sense any foul smelling stuff xD

In the news I see many people with persistent symptoms, neurological stuff it is scary, my breath is not the same either.

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NOISEBOB wrote

A friend had a good observation on this: we got kinda lucky that covid affects the sense of smell and not sight or hearing. Imagine the effect on society if everyone went blind!

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emoticons wrote

What if this effect is 50 years away from first infection? lol horrified

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existential1 wrote

Made elderberry syrup w/berries i picked...gonna try to do the chinese mugwort long lucid dream decoction this weekend. Herbalism is the shit.

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commun1st wrote

I can't believe they global banned /user/celebratedrecluse for asking, why does ziq think the netherlands is run by a communist government?

i'll take the ban, but leave the joke ok?

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kin wrote

The post had more info than the title, not only this. Not sure if celebrated is banned but if she is, I ask u/mofongo and u/tequila_wolf to check this issue. If a single admin can global ban without public warning an user with good historial here just for a Ill intentioned post (trying hard not to judge)

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ziq wrote

Dox me by posting screenshots of my private messages that have personally revealing info, get banned. How would they like it if I posted screenshots of them revealing their location to me in private? Apparently they only give a shit about their own privacy.

That user has also gotten several warnings in the past for putting the site at risk with ridiculously (ableist slur) posts that would get me arrested and the site's server seized. I'm trying very hard not to be ableist by attacking their intelligence but goddamn. They need to lay off the acid or something.

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Tequilx_Wolf wrote (edited )

I just got tagged in this message and haven't followed what happened here, but I believe you and what she did deserves a ban, but I don't wanna hear about how you're having a hard time not being oppressive, it's gross. Regardless this has nothing to do with intelligence and plenty to do with unacceptable ethical practices.

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ziq wrote

I didn't use the ableist slur ("stupid") but pretending it didn't immediately enter my mind when e.g. someone doxxes a cop, posts bomb-building instructions or encourages people to kill a named politician (all things that raddle users have done) wouldn't be honest. You can't expect me to not have ableist thoughts. I'm not a saint.

but keep piling on like you always do when people are struggling against me your moral highness. of course you'd never do something as sinful and gross as admitting to having an impure thought after being doxed by your so-called friend as part of some weird feigned concern for their own privacy

don't message me on matrix any more asking how i feel, I don't want to share personal stuff with you. you're always the first one to throw me under the bus when it's convenient and then when the smoke clears, pretend you were my biggest ally all along

you never miss an opportunity to struggle against anyone and everyone that says or thinks anything even remotely apocryphal so you can add one more notch to your perfect pious persona

you're not better than anyone here, except at shaming people

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Tequilx_Wolf wrote (edited )

Damn, I did not know you felt this way. Have you always felt like this?

I don't expect you to be perfect or not to have ableist thoughts, I do expect you to know better enough to avoid going the extra steps of writing it down and sending it through, especially given the effort you've personally put into dealing with ableism here.

I don't think I was piling on to anything, like I said, I just responded to being tagged. And was fundamentally backing your decision, straight up believing what you said without so much as knowing what happened because I trust you. I generally stand by your politics.

And I'm not nearly perfect either, that's why I expect people to hold me accountable when I fuck up. I'd want you to do that for me because that's what doing right by people is. I'd assumed I could shoot straight with you because of that, since so far as I know, you are my friend. It's also why I message you to ask you how you're doing, by the way. I'm not a politician, you are someone I have known for years and care about, and if you've been feeling this way about me for a while without shooting straight with me, then that's your failure as a friend. I've given you plenty of opportunities to voice grievances with me.

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ziq wrote

Have you always felt like this?

Please don't act like this is news to you, I've told you the same thing multiple times going back 4 years...

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Tequilx_Wolf wrote

I'm not acting - I either don't remember or it's the first time you've said it this way, enough that it's substantially different.

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kin wrote

I saw that and was indeed a dick move, and probably there is more context to it that didn't hit the forum. I am lost bc I really like both of you and can't understand why they would do that to you, threaten you with doxxin.

I dunno I feel like I wanted to make this place more healthy avoiding this toxic fights, and users being sour with each other, mocking each other's posts, "who cares"... lm

I feel powerless as member of this community to offer some resolution. I wish could be a kind of mediation for issues like that.

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ziq wrote

i have no idea why they did it, like i said, i think they were high

i don't like banning good contributors but when someone violates my opsec that willfully, idk what else to do. even now they're acting like they did nothing wrong and acting like i banned them for being a communist.

i'll unban them if they realize how fucked up it was and promise to respect my privacy in the future

it sucks because i pm with them a lot, so who knows what else i've told them that they might publish

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kin wrote

Thank you for taking time to give a more elaborate context, I even tried to tell celebrated to erase the image, acknowledging that for someone who is very secure counciouness their post was very off to say the least.

I am glad the this is not a perpetual ban and they can have a chance in the future to make amendments.

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ziq wrote

i saw your comment

ive been waiting for them to pm me an explanation or apology or something for days but got nothing

even if i unban them after they pm me (or more likely mofongo will when he sees i banned them), they're not getting re-modded on all the major forums they modded before. they've shown again and again with their dangerous posts over the years that I've had to delete, that they have horrible... optics? is that the word when you post stuff that can get you and everyone on the site on the no fly list?

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mofongo wrote

I won't, I've known for a while and I know how careful you are with your info and how careless they were with it. I do have standards, you know?

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ziq wrote

Idk, u always seem to side with whoever im arguing with even when all im doing is expressing to them that they upset me

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Bezotcovschina wrote

Yeah, I can feel it too. But, I guess, that's how community works. Sometimes it ain't big enough for someones, so there is uncomfortable friction. No one can force two people into place too small for their egos.

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kin wrote

And how about your garden?

My neighborhood is kind of the old center so we don't have much soil available here, only when people squat an construction site of a recent demolished old building. This could be a future occupation in the postcollapse society: ruin demolisher

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Bezotcovschina wrote

Great! It's just a small plot of land under my windows where I dumped several bags of soil, place some bricks around, planted some local flowers and occasionally water them and remove weeds that grows too big. It's favorite place to gather for local cats. They like to mark my windows which is unpleasant, but not a big problem - I can wash it.

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lettuceLeafer wrote (edited )

That's a fair response

It would have been nice to have a post saying that they were banned so I would have a bit of closure to know why they disappeared off raddle tho. That's just for future stuff like that tho

Just something like a post in meta "celebratedrecluse perma banned"

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ziq wrote

i put 'dox' in the moderation log, making a post about it would have just invited further doxing

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ziq wrote

Fuck you. Dox me again and I'll just close registrations forever.

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Quicksilver wrote

This weekend I get to go to Pride with someone Ive been seeing. We are taking the train down tomorrow. It should be great!

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halfway_prince wrote (edited )

Okay feeling angsty, but always like to remind peeps to take pics...

one of the things i'm saddest about is not having enough photos of experiences w/ people i care about...

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Quicksilver wrote

Oh definitely. It'll be a party of us four queer folk, so plenty of pics to go around!

It'll be my first pride in almost two years, so, despite it looking like it's going to be pissing it down, should still be a good time

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emoticons wrote

appreciate all efforts you put in the zine It will be fantastic!

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NoPotatoes wrote

My step dad just arrived home after a week of being gone. Had the house to myself. Was very peaceful and carefree. Now back to the bedroom.


I am trying to get to sleep earlier. One day I had trouble stepping away from the computer. Spent too much time fretting about wear on the eMMC. Still, 11:30 is better than most nights. I definitely need the rest.


I have two important tasks to take care of at work next week. Sort of stressed about them. Well, stressed about falling behind and looking bad.


Manic episodes are so hard to control. I end up wanting to clean and rearrange my entire room, but get fixated on a small part and do not achieve what I set out to do.


I wish I could relate better to the rabbits and coyotes. I saw a rabbit chewing some Opuntia stems today. So cute.

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