Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

kore wrote

my dad taught me a great trick, you can give honorifics people that would normally address you with an honorific. so cashiers, waitresses, etc. it's a way to explicitly reject that honorifics are supposed to enforce some sort of hierarchy

8

bloodrose wrote

I think I picked up this habit from my uncle. I have always called people who are in service roles "sir" or "ma'am" as a way to show that I respect them and the service they provide and do not see myself as above but instead as grateful. I've been wondering how to do this in a gender neutral way, though. And wasn't sure how to ask about it because people would say "why are you using an honorific?" but your reasoning is, I think, why I do it. :)

4

catachresis wrote

As a non-binary service worker gendered honorifics always make me feel weird. I appreciate pleases, thank yous, and questions about my well-being/small talk. The creation of an gender neutral equivalent to sir or ma’am would be nice but I don’t know what that would be.

In the hypothetical where I wasn’t uncomfortable being called sir or ma’am, I think I would appreciate it.

7

bloodrose wrote

I should say I stopped doing the sir/ma'am thing about a year ago. But now I feel like a meanie-pants. I still say please and thank you a lot, but it doesn't feel the same. I want some way to verbally honor the person providing me a needed service. :(

5

catachresis wrote

“I appreciate you” is fucking amazing to hear.

I’ve had a hard time saying it recently and now I have a goal to add it to my daily vocabulary. Hooray!

5

FuckCopyright OP wrote

I'd generally tell them thanks for their work, although I do come from the UK where we're more reserved, so such sincere statements may be a bit rare. I think expressions of gratitude are much more encouraged in America to the point it can be difficult to tell whether someone is being sincere or not.

I will need to find a way myself to do this, where some people expect to be addressed or address others with "sir", "ma'am", "bro" etc.

3

bloodrose wrote

I am indeed an American and we say thank you so danged much. I literally sign my emails "thank you". When in the drive through, I think I say thank you every time an item is handed to me so if there are multiple of us in the car getting drinks, there's like 4 or 5 thank yous.

However, it isn't that I'm looking necessarily to say thank you, but to honor the person who provides a service. Like, what use am I to the world? I count money for shareholders. But people who make food and deliver groceries, they actually do shit. They should have some honorific that shows that I respect them as being useful and awesome without saying "you're useful and awesome" every time. I don't think "thank you" covers that sentiment.

I've been sad trying to think of what I could possibly replace it with.

4

FuckCopyright OP wrote (edited )

Hmm... this is tricky. My parents, as gender policing and... backward and repressive as they are, are healthcare workers and are kind of being shafted by the government (and according to them at least, the patients they're caring for and some of the colleagues they're dealing with). For them, any form of gratitude is appreciated from them. This will be more tricky in an environment where expressing gratitude is more of a social norm.

If you are in a position to help people who make food and deliver groceries, try going the extra mile? My mother, as much as she shouldn't be doing this, prepares for gender reveal parties, and generally does what her colleagues don't, by like preparing food from her background whereas in some occasions, her colleagues only bring in snacks for meetings or other events. Maybe you could help these people who make food and deliver groceries have food on their table or introduce them to a unique experience they're unlikely to encounter in their daily lives, without needing to give them money too? If not, I'm sorry if I can't think of anything at the moment; I hope someone else here can help you. Just don't offer to participate in gender reveal parties.

Here in the UK, a pay rise was promised to everyone but healthcare workers, and healthcare workers are frankly feeling insulted by this government measure.

3

mokes wrote

could you give an example?

4

kore wrote

in american culture you usually wouldnt call a cashier "ma'am", for example. they'd be the one calling you ma'am because youre the customer. but you can invert that power dynamic by calling them ma'am

4

Vulgar_Soda wrote

Some people I know take offense to ma'am. What if we started groveling at cashiers' feet as a token of respect? or maybe even paying tribute in the form of human sacrifice? Love your cashier, kill their boss.

2

FuckCopyright OP wrote

I think they meant saying something like "thank you, cashier" in response to the cashier saying something like "dear customer".

3