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lastfutures OP wrote (edited )

Pulling an all nighter to write a 25 page report due at noon. I don't know why I do this procrastination shit to myself, I could have calmly done this a week ago but I can't force myself to do work until the last minute. My group was annoyed that I waited so long to do it - I have to do the writing cause they are ESL and can't write in English for shit - but the sections they were supposed to do they completely plagiarized, so they can eat a dick. Easy to do shit early when you copy & paste I guess, the worst part is we literally have to include the texts in the report that they copied from. Oh well, I'm on track to be done a few hours early now.

On the bright side, my yearly LBC order came in yesterday! Excited to go lie on the beach tomorrow and get into these.

Edit: Great essay in Black Seed on loneliness, technology, and techno-capitalism, called, Your Loneliness is a Public Health Problem by goat.

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Daileon wrote

Quite impressive arsenal you have there! Enjoy It ;)

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bloodrose wrote

Aww I didn't think to take a haul shot of my last LBC order. I also have the anarchist speculations book you have - i have been enjoying it. I haven't had time to lie around and read like I want to. I'm hoping in a month or two, when we get the house, we can set me up a large bath/hot tub outdoors and that'll be my reading area.

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lastfutures OP wrote

I love hot tubs, that'd be nice!

I've only read maybe one essay by John Moore but Aragorn! always recommended that book so I thought I'd pick it up.

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rot wrote

who's the one on nihilist communism by?

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lastfutures OP wrote

Monsieur Dupont. Nice little quote on the back:

It is not for anarchists to celebrate when ‘the people’ take over, anarchists ought not to be so amazed at examples of natural ingenuity and resilience, that is after all what they base all their principles on. Unfortunately their proper political task is less appealing and more controversial, it is to poke their fingers into the wounds of revolution, to doubt and to look for ways in which the Zapatistas, FLN, ANC or any other bunch of leftwing heroes will sell out, because they always do.

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polpotisevil2 wrote

How recent is that Black Seed issue? I got one issue not too long ago, but wasn't really a fan of the writings in that one. I decided to stick it in a random mailbox anyway, maybe it will get some use there. Probably just will get thrown in the trash though

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lastfutures OP wrote

It just came out. Maybe around a month ago? Might be the last one.

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celebratedrecluse wrote

i want you to critique me as hard as you can

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ziq wrote

you have an unhealthy attachment to your moderator tag

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celebratedrecluse wrote

you're right lol

i need to learn to code so we can have some more different tags. it would be funny to have a custom field or something. i wish i had more time

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ziq wrote

FAIL mofongo

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FuckCopyright wrote

I feel like I should work online but I don't know if I'm even qualified for it. I feel like it would remind me less of personal issues (since I can't see the people I envy as much) and I feel like this would be better for everyone who would otherwise have to interact with me offline, for reasons I don't want to elaborate.

Also the local psychiatrist is closed and will be for the duration of lockdown. I am not likely planning to get work until I get my mental health issues somewhat sorted but I do want to try and get things going before I hit 30 or even 25.

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lastfutures OP wrote (edited )

As someone who has tried that approach, I wouldn't advise it. Work on yourself and your relationships with others instead. Isolation is a dead end, it only reinforces negative feelings & neuroses.

I've been wondering how many people are not getting the mental health help that they need during the pandemic, from therapists to AA. I've been hearing people (maybe it's middle-upper class people) saying that more people are in (virtual) therapy than usual during the pandemic because of the increase in anxiety, depression, and so on. But I know that I wouldn't be doing therapy right now, since I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that where I live. It seems to assume that people have a certain level of privacy (and resources obviously, but the tele-health bit is more interesting I think).

edit: Also, there are some good mental health zines here you could check out. The DBT ones. And if you ever want to talk about it feel free to DM me.

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FuckCopyright wrote

I'm not getting online help. I did in the past but they decided to discharge me since I required more specialist help.

I do wish I could spend the rest of my life alone since I feel like I've been too much of a shitty person in the past (mostly online on accounts I've deleted or have forgotten about) to deserve to be with anyone, whether I agree with what they believe in or not; I believe in being as honest and transparent as I feel like I could be. As you said though it may be something you'd recommend against because humans do not generally function well alone and now I'm not sure. I do still want to try and change the world though with what I create or try to do - I've donated to various causes but I also want to go a little bit beyond that when my health is a little better.

I'm a little afraid of visiting the psychiatrist simply because I've never been to one before.

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lastfutures OP wrote

Those DBT zines I mentioned have some sections on radical acceptance that I think you would find very useful. Everyone is fucked up in this world, it's a fucked up world that's why we hate it. I've got plenty of experience being fucked up. I think you need to work on changing your thinking about your past.

Ignoring idpols would be a good start, they don't help with this problem lol

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FuckCopyright wrote

Thanks for sharing the site although I may still prefer getting medication should I feel I need it. I'll try and consult these if I have too (namely I see few or no alternatives).

I've also noted that there are vegan zines there. I confess that I am aware the meat and dairy industry is fucked but I personally will find it difficult to transition to a vegan diet in part because I still live with parents, have no income, am not risking imprisonment for which I cannot reasonably contest (i.e. from stealing food) and personally just find it difficult to move away from my current diet. I generally don't give a shit too much about my own physical health beyond remaining able-bodied, moving around when I can and trying to look attractive in my eyes.

The whiteness zine is something that I admit I find a little difficult to absorb at least from there and also from here but it is something I find interesting to look at. From what I assume, fighting whiteness is fighting societal norms that aim to preserve the white race but I'm not sure if that's even the correct understanding of the matter.

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lastfutures OP wrote

I'm not a doctor but I don't think medication magically cures guilt. But you do you.

I'm not a vegan either, I don't really agree with the position/strategy. The idea is that whiteness only came into existence a few centuries ago and has always been nothing but a tool for oppression. Those who are considered white are fully human, the non-white are a lesser Other. There is no biological basis for race. The idea of abolishing whiteness is to end this racial hierarchy by eliminating the identity.

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FuckCopyright wrote (edited )

I'm not trying to cure guilt, really, since that is something I have and believe will fade away with said medication or is something I need to work on separately.

I'm also wondering if stances like anti-abortion, anti-homosexuality, anti-feminism, ableism etc. also encompass whiteness even for communities of color who have embraced these values.

Some of these communities sadly also use skin lightening creams and otherwise hold some white supremacist views, but for those who do not hold white supremacist views but have those aforementioned values it does suck too and I feel like capitalism and religious fundamentalism by Christianity or Islam play a large part, as may be the case for parts of my own immigrant community.

I do see my parents occasionally complain that white people especially these days are too pampered, selfish and westernized, which are not unfounded complaints (they generally don't have to work on farms to feed themselves and their community, and can rely on the government for money) but my parents are pro-business, are quite gender policing and hold the biological family as more important than everything else except God. I don't exactly know how the Philippines was like before colonization (by both Christians and Muslims) but I imagine it would have been less gender policing and less pro-business.

As for why I don't consider those traits strongly associated with whiteness even though they may be, those traits aren't generally used by the communities of color I've seen to defend the white race. In fact those traits I see being used by communities of color are often to defend an ethnic group (understandably to try and protect their own identities in the face of racism) or religion.

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mofongo wrote

I survived a seasonal storm with minimal wetness, minor road flooding where I live, but huge ones in lower areas.


My kid made a hole to his crib that he uses to escape containment whenever he can. He has not learned subtlety yet.

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