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SomeIconoclast wrote

I won't bullshit you; I honestly don't think anarchism would be feasible in my lifetime. And I believe that things will get much worse before they get better. But what exactly does that do for me? Do I conform to the politics of everyone else? Fuck no, because I know too much about how authority works; I'd fucking lose it. Do I just allow myself to be swallowed by pessimism and seethe in my own anger until I hate myself and everyone around me because I see myself and others as complicit in our shared oppression? I've done that; it's availed me nothing, it doesn't solve anything and it certainly doesn't make me feel good. What's left for you to do then other than defiance?

I can't take much risks against authority since the costs for me will be too great.

You're far from the only one, people don't want to die and no one wants to go to prison. US anarchists are fucking trash (myself included), but the fact that our heavily militarized police force would gleefully gun us down to the thunderous cheers and applause of just about everyone else is about as close to a decent defense of our comparative docility as you can get. People have lives, loved ones, and responsibilities and to toss those away to become martyrs to a cause, however noble, is antithetical to anarchism. Besides, outright defiance isn't the only way to advance anarchism and you're just one person. You can't save everyone and you have to acknowledge that you can't truly liberate anyone, that's something that they have to choose for themselves. Do what you can when you can and try your hardest to extract some form of joy out of life.