Submitted by tuesday in language

Imagine a movie theater. You are sitting in your seat, patiently waiting for the movie to start. As you're waiting another movie-goer does that awkward shuffle walk past you, stumbles a little and ends up stomping their foot on yours. Pain shoots through your leg as the bones crack. This motherfucker just broke your fucking toe!

They apologize, because obviously they didn't mean to break your toe! It was an accident. They didn't know your foot was there!

Is your toe any less broken because it wasn't their intention to break it? Or is does the harm that they did continue to impact you, even if it wasn't intentional?

This is clearly a simplification, but when you say things like "dude is gender neutral" you are telling people that your intent and your understanding of the word outweighs the impact of their experience because that's not how you meant it.

It doesn't work that way.

You do not get to dictate how people feel about the things they're called. You are, of course, free to ignore that. But in doing so you are rejecting the autonomy of the person you're referring to. You are saying that you know better than them how they should react to something. You are being domineering. You are mirroring a patriarchal tool for the oppression of all non-men that suggests that to be referred to as male is acceptable for all genders but never the reverse. Ew.

There are plenty of reasons why a person wouldn't want to be referred to as male, in any context. No one expects anyone to know the minefield of gendered experiences that anyone has gone through. This is why rather than assuming that the word that you're using will be understood as neutral (your intent) you ought to try to avoid using words that might be harmful (your impact).

And if it's REALLY SO FUCKING HARD to remove the word dude (and other words) from your vocabulary I would gently ask that you sit with why that is, why your linguistic tic is more important than making room for another person's full humanity.

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lettuceLeafer wrote

I prefer the meme on raddle from a while back. Too lazy to look for it.

On the top frame there is a white masculine person "I call everyone dude so it's not gendered

Bottom frame

"Oh so how many dudes have u fucked"

If straight guys don't say they fuck dudes then dude isn't genderless.

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tuesday OP wrote

note: I posted this here and on @ to watch the difference in reactions. It took less than 15 minutes for @ to disappoint.

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tuesday OP wrote

39% upvote with a grand total score of 0.

I've been intentionally misgendered multiple times.
I've had people try to make callbacks to other times I've asked people to use more inclusive language trying to frame it as me being authoritarian.
I've been accused of being mentally unstable.
I've been told that I'm angry and over reacting.
I've been gaslit
I've been accused of abusing my mod privileges.

love to see it.

:(

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[deleted] wrote

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tuesday OP wrote

Thank you and yes.

I've also literally never heard anyone be like "did you see those dudes over there?" referring to a group of women or "that dude is hot!!!" talking about a woman, so like it's so clearly a lie that it's neutral. It's a thoughtless vocal tic that no one wants to think about.

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TheNerdyAnarchist wrote

I expected some pushback on it, but the amount and the form of it is disgusting. I'm sorry about all of this.

The only reason I haven't been chewing these shit bags out in the comments is so that I stay aligned with the "moderator guidelines" (though at this point, I wonder how much I want to moderate there at all....just utterly disgusted by these people today)

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ziq wrote

With the exception of anarcha, the best mods only last a few months because they make so many enemies.

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TheNerdyAnarchist wrote

I've been a mod actively there for a couple years overall, I think - there was a point where I stayed off Reddit and other social media for a while and was removed for inactivity, but was put back on when I came back.

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ziq wrote (edited )

and btw I once asked in meta that people refrain from calling others 'stupid' because it's harmful (didn't even propose a rule or anything, just asked nicely), and the top mod sync0pate came out of hiding just to say I was being stupid and joined the dogpile with everyone else to mock me.

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TheNerdyAnarchist wrote

Was the AOP not a thing yet?

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ziq wrote (edited )

It was. He just made sure never to let the mods low on the totem pole enforce it. he'd constantly block them from upholding it and then eventually invent a reason to demod them when they got too mouthy (and ban them so they couldn't complain). he had a bro fiefdom going for like 8 years. dbzer0 was the last of that old guard

you wouldn't believe how much work went into reshaping that mod team to what it is now. took years to knock each of them off the hierarchy

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TheNerdyAnarchist wrote

I've gone through the old meta threads....place was a hell hole. It was a hell hole when I got started as a mod there, too - Ironically, things finally started to calm not long after it was nuked, lol

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ziq wrote

yea that's what it took to kill it

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ziq wrote (edited )

i think those long breaks you've taken are what have kept you from demodding yourself lol but idk maybe u have a high tolerance for shoveling libshit

i was a mod there once and i decided instead of issuing silent bans as is usual on reddit, i'd instead issue verbal 'official' warnings to people for aop violations in the threads to give them chances to improve... it created a shitstorm. i quickly made dozens of enemies that spent all day trying to get me demodded for being 'authoritarian' when i wasn't even banning anyone. i had to demod myself just to protect the health of the other meta users from the constant drama. i'm glad meta is dead now

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[deleted] wrote

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TheNerdyAnarchist wrote

We banned a large number of people from that thread alone and almost 27% of the comments had to be removed. That doesn't mean that HFILU didn't have to see them being awful in the first place.

There's only so much we're empowered to do without risking abusing our mod privileges and being recalled - thus leaving the sub to turn even further into shit.

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ziq wrote

can you get CA to mod you all so you can clear up that lib cesspool? those mods are all asleep and it's gotten to the point where anarchists no longer have a voice there

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tuesday OP wrote

I just checked and there are SIXTEEN mods on C@.

We have 3 active mods. 😭

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ziq wrote

the same goes for the word 'dick'. even if you tell someone not to gender you, they'll still call you a dick, not realizing how triggering penises can be to people who don't want to be reminded they have one

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Fool wrote

I missed this thread, but strongly agree.

Here's a quote on the gender of dude.

Cowabunga dudes and dudettes!

  • Michelangelo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
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