moved across the country for school. no housing provided by the college and the cost of housing is just too damn high. thankfully i have a car. it took a while but i’ve got it all kitted to get a restful nights sleep in. fairy lights and blacked out windows. Have you ever read Siddhartha? I never finished it. But he becomes an ascetic after leaving his family. I feel similarly. Like I’m being placed in this position of consistent stress and it’ll either break me or i’ll find a way to flow with it. i think i’m flowing well. i have been coming up with more dreams that i want to actualize.
i want to own a long haired dachshund someday. my ex had one and i fell in love with the little guy.
i was legit homeless in austin tx for five days and that was a wild experience. i realized by the end of it that i would absolutely develop an addiction just to cope with being so grimy and on the fringe of society. but i met so many lovely people. i was hungry and went into a whole foods and filled up a box from their hotbar and walked out with it. there was this patio outside that all these homeless cats were chilling at. it was the only one in the shade so I walked up and asked if i could sit with them.
there was this blonde man with glasses and a long beard named Kodie. He was from springfield mo and had ridden a train car down to austin if i remember right. he was drawing a sign for another man, an older one, cant remember his name, and Kodie kept fucking up the “s”.
man i was just about to get into writing a whole essay about the people i met. all of them had been hurt so deeply but still had a smile. they would drink and play guitar or just sit in an intersection flying a sign with their balls hanging out their shorts.
i slept on rooftops.
in comparison to that, my car feels almost bougie. i can lay all the way down, have my lights on, watch tv, keep my food and luxuries safe while i work.
eventually, i’ll even have a house again. imagine that. i think i’ll hang up some of those hippie tapestries.