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Tecate_Coyote OP wrote

no you’re fine. if anything your slightly unhinged rambling honesty has a charm to it.

it would suck a lot more if i hadn’t been through the things i have been through. but my perspective feels… bouncy.


lettuceLeafer wrote

allright, when I read this I was just kinda confused. It seems you are putting a ton of stress and precarity to go to college. Which I guess confuses me. I assume you are doing it to get a good job and not for other reasons. For most degrees that pay well you have an incredibly rigorous course load. So like living in a car and working while trying to do a profitable degree seems statistically to have a kinda shitty chance of success.

It seems you are putting yourself in a situation to try to win in a system that is extremely good and keeping people in your circumstances down. Plus this is a lot of stress, hardship and effort to play by the systems rules. So idk, why not just start breaking them? I mean honestly, living in a car and then working at amazon part time is doable and would be way less stressful. Or hell, work full time and live in a car. You should make enough money that 6 months of work covers a year+ of living expenses. Which could provide a lot of avenues for living and supporting yourself in a different way.

Or working part time then you have the free time you would spend on college instead relaxing or supporting yourself anachronistically. It seems the system isn't even giving you security, yet you still play by its rules. Which confuses me ig.

Maybe you are like some kinda god who can pull this off confidently. But for the average person I wouldn't be on them succeeding on such a situation. So it seems odd that you would play by the rules when you aren't benefiting and the likely hood of things becoming better seems limited.

I also don't know you. So don't let my comments get you down. I know very little about your situation. So its likely I'm completely wrong.


Tecate_Coyote OP wrote

i’m not playing by the rules haha. i steal all my groceries. i live in my car. i grow my hair long and kiss boys and do the things i enjoy. the rules i’m breaking are the ones i grew up with that created a person i wasn’t happy with. honestly, even going to college breaks those rules.

i’m in college because i read this book a few months ago, Atomic Habits by James Clear, and he talked about how you subconsciously adopt the habits of the groups you inhabit. i wanted to be around the kind of people who go college and so i went.

i’m at an incredibly specific college that offers the only degree of its kind in this country. it is bizarrely a community college. but i’m not the only one who gave up everything to be here. there is a trio of three friends from california who came here when i did. another from montana. chicago. this program specifically brings together misfits from all across the country who share the same passion.

i don’t care about relaxing. i’ve done enough of that already. i relaxed my way into 17k in credit card debt haha. i relaxed my way into being a complacent person with no dreams and few friends.

the miscommunication here is that you assumed i’m going to college for a good job. i’m going to college because it represents conquering something that has always held me back- i quit. i’m afraid.

i’m in college because its the thing i’m afraid of most. i’m afraid of trying to learn and failing.

i didn’t learn how to ollie a skateboard until this year. its an analogy- in skating, you’ll never land a trick if you don’t commit. but committing gets you hurt at the same time. college is the ollie for me. getting a degree is landing a hard ass trick just for the sake of “i wanted to.”

does that make more sense?


lettuceLeafer wrote (edited )

oh yeah that makes way more sense. I would never go to college for fun so I never think of that. Tho if that's your reason that's a perfectly reasonable one. It makes sense. Wish you luck and I'm glad u are enjoying yourself.