Submitted by Tecate_Coyote in homeless

moved across the country for school. no housing provided by the college and the cost of housing is just too damn high. thankfully i have a car. it took a while but i’ve got it all kitted to get a restful nights sleep in. fairy lights and blacked out windows. Have you ever read Siddhartha? I never finished it. But he becomes an ascetic after leaving his family. I feel similarly. Like I’m being placed in this position of consistent stress and it’ll either break me or i’ll find a way to flow with it. i think i’m flowing well. i have been coming up with more dreams that i want to actualize.

i want to own a long haired dachshund someday. my ex had one and i fell in love with the little guy.

i was legit homeless in austin tx for five days and that was a wild experience. i realized by the end of it that i would absolutely develop an addiction just to cope with being so grimy and on the fringe of society. but i met so many lovely people. i was hungry and went into a whole foods and filled up a box from their hotbar and walked out with it. there was this patio outside that all these homeless cats were chilling at. it was the only one in the shade so I walked up and asked if i could sit with them.

there was this blonde man with glasses and a long beard named Kodie. He was from springfield mo and had ridden a train car down to austin if i remember right. he was drawing a sign for another man, an older one, cant remember his name, and Kodie kept fucking up the “s”.

man i was just about to get into writing a whole essay about the people i met. all of them had been hurt so deeply but still had a smile. they would drink and play guitar or just sit in an intersection flying a sign with their balls hanging out their shorts.

i slept on rooftops.

in comparison to that, my car feels almost bougie. i can lay all the way down, have my lights on, watch tv, keep my food and luxuries safe while i work.

eventually, i’ll even have a house again. imagine that. i think i’ll hang up some of those hippie tapestries.



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asterism wrote

Hey if it pleases you I would enjoy reading an essay about the people you met.


Tecate_Coyote OP wrote

there was this guy named Wylie. Also blonde, had this massive calves because he biked everywhere. he was schizophrenic but also an accomplished programmer. he talked to me a lot about the kaballah and vedic texts. had a chip on his shoulder about women. he said its because he grew up in a female empowered commune in Vancouver.

there was another fella who had been in austin since 1985. he walked with a limp and had an arm brace and a long goatee. he had been beaten up a few days earlier by some other homeless and they had stolen his stuff. he had gotten a new debit card but needed a phone to set it up. i called the line for him and they had me on hold for an hour before it disconnected. he could also play the guitar. well! he had moved to austin for the music scene he told me and had a few albums out. it never went anywhere but i felt it when i was listening to him. i felt that he was someone who had dedicated his life to music.

there was also a guy, i dont think he was homeless, just a busker, maybe mid 50’s who was a willie nelson impersonator. he played the guitar and would throw in unsavory lyrics. he left a bad taste in my mouth. you ever meet people that have manufactured their personality to be someone who is liked? he just didnt seem genuine, even when he took off the act.


asterism wrote

Always liked the name Wylie

well! he had moved to austin for the music scene he told me and had a few albums out. it never went anywhere but i felt it when i was listening to him. i felt that he was someone who had dedicated his life to music.

I've known a couple people like that, sort of a sobering experience.

you ever meet people that have manufactured their personality to be someone who is liked? he just didnt seem genuine, even when he took off the act.

Yeah, charm is truly a skill and one that ill suits certain folks.


lettuceLeafer wrote

I'm glad u r managing okay. Working, living in a car and having to work at amazon sounds like a really shitty combo. I won't say any more because i don't wanna accidentally say something that comes off as rude.


Tecate_Coyote OP wrote

no you’re fine. if anything your slightly unhinged rambling honesty has a charm to it.

it would suck a lot more if i hadn’t been through the things i have been through. but my perspective feels… bouncy.


lettuceLeafer wrote

allright, when I read this I was just kinda confused. It seems you are putting a ton of stress and precarity to go to college. Which I guess confuses me. I assume you are doing it to get a good job and not for other reasons. For most degrees that pay well you have an incredibly rigorous course load. So like living in a car and working while trying to do a profitable degree seems statistically to have a kinda shitty chance of success.

It seems you are putting yourself in a situation to try to win in a system that is extremely good and keeping people in your circumstances down. Plus this is a lot of stress, hardship and effort to play by the systems rules. So idk, why not just start breaking them? I mean honestly, living in a car and then working at amazon part time is doable and would be way less stressful. Or hell, work full time and live in a car. You should make enough money that 6 months of work covers a year+ of living expenses. Which could provide a lot of avenues for living and supporting yourself in a different way.

Or working part time then you have the free time you would spend on college instead relaxing or supporting yourself anachronistically. It seems the system isn't even giving you security, yet you still play by its rules. Which confuses me ig.

Maybe you are like some kinda god who can pull this off confidently. But for the average person I wouldn't be on them succeeding on such a situation. So it seems odd that you would play by the rules when you aren't benefiting and the likely hood of things becoming better seems limited.

I also don't know you. So don't let my comments get you down. I know very little about your situation. So its likely I'm completely wrong.


Tecate_Coyote OP wrote

i’m not playing by the rules haha. i steal all my groceries. i live in my car. i grow my hair long and kiss boys and do the things i enjoy. the rules i’m breaking are the ones i grew up with that created a person i wasn’t happy with. honestly, even going to college breaks those rules.

i’m in college because i read this book a few months ago, Atomic Habits by James Clear, and he talked about how you subconsciously adopt the habits of the groups you inhabit. i wanted to be around the kind of people who go college and so i went.

i’m at an incredibly specific college that offers the only degree of its kind in this country. it is bizarrely a community college. but i’m not the only one who gave up everything to be here. there is a trio of three friends from california who came here when i did. another from montana. chicago. this program specifically brings together misfits from all across the country who share the same passion.

i don’t care about relaxing. i’ve done enough of that already. i relaxed my way into 17k in credit card debt haha. i relaxed my way into being a complacent person with no dreams and few friends.

the miscommunication here is that you assumed i’m going to college for a good job. i’m going to college because it represents conquering something that has always held me back- i quit. i’m afraid.

i’m in college because its the thing i’m afraid of most. i’m afraid of trying to learn and failing.

i didn’t learn how to ollie a skateboard until this year. its an analogy- in skating, you’ll never land a trick if you don’t commit. but committing gets you hurt at the same time. college is the ollie for me. getting a degree is landing a hard ass trick just for the sake of “i wanted to.”

does that make more sense?


lettuceLeafer wrote (edited )

oh yeah that makes way more sense. I would never go to college for fun so I never think of that. Tho if that's your reason that's a perfectly reasonable one. It makes sense. Wish you luck and I'm glad u are enjoying yourself.


Bird wrote

I am glad that you have been able to manage your situation well, it is definitely a stressful place to be at times. Being completely homeless is certainly an experience I will never forget, that two and a half year period probably contained both some of the highest highs and the lowest lows I have ever had, and several of the years that followed were not unlike you describe your current situation. It is certainly something that puts into perspective just how even having a basic relatively safe place to sleep at night can feel like luxury with the right context. Sorry for the rambling and general incoherence I am very sleep deprived currently.