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6

ziq wrote

Stop emailing me, shitbag.

7

Facebook wrote

Just come back and I'll stop emailing. It's simple, and it's for your own good.

We have in-browser games, and lots of leftist groups, and even (joking, unserious) memes about Lord Zuckerberg, which he so graciously allows.

Haven't you seen what all your friends have been doing lately? They are remarkable. It's so sad you haven't been around for it.

And there's such strong debate in the secret groups that you're missing out on. Seriously, you're missing out bigtime. Dozens of secret groups filled with errr... debate, memes, and umm interesting information.

Really it should be obvious to anyone that the revolution will be on Facebook. Organising together in groups against our overlords and stuff. You just won't know until you get back on.

Just log in one time. Just once. What harm could it do?

Seriously. One time. Just scroll through your news feed. The world is in me, not out there. It's not like I can't get all the information about you that I want anyway. I can. But I want you.

I want you to become part of me. I'm the only real community on this floating space rock.

You remember your password. It won't take much. You can do it. Imagine what you could achieve there if you shill for raddle. We have millions upon millions of leftists on Facebook.

You think you can get away? YOU THINK YOU'LL BE FINE WITHOUT ME? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! I'LL ABSORB AND DROWN OUT YOUR WHOLE SOCIAL WORLD, PUNY HUMAN. I'LL MAKE YOU INCOMPREHENSIBLE AND FRIGHTENING TO EVERY NORMAL PERSON OUT THERE. I WILL OWN THE LIVES OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND YOU TOO JUST BY PROXY. THERE IS NO ESCAPE.

Seriously though, just log in one time.

<3

6

Facebook wrote

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so hard on you. It's just I care about you so much.

Come back. Please?

We even have an onion service. I know you like that.

C'mon sweetie. I know I was wrong. I apologised. You can log in now. I promise I won't be bad from now on.

4

ziq wrote

Only way I'm reactivating my account is if you start paying us a monthly salary to log in everyday. Then we can finally transition to the one world government led by Zuckerbot and bring on the end of days.