Submitted by heckthepolice2 in anticiv
Not sure if this is really the right place to put this, but I can't really think of anywhere better.
I'm real fucking sick of civilization. I imagine that's not a unique thing to feel around here. With every day that goes by, my fantasies of living of living simply in the wilderness and just being actually fucking free for once grow more elaborate and far fetched. But with every day that goes by I also feel more and more like the slim possibility I might actually achieve those fantasies is just about the only thing keeping me from blowing my brains out.
And I know that, to some extent, that kind of life is still possible. I know there are people on this site who are a lot closer to achieving that than I am. But I just really have no idea where to start.
There's a lot of pressure from all directions to go down this path of, like, get a college degree and then work till you're dead. And whenever I talk about how goddamn sick of it all I am, everyone tells me that "it gets better" but I feel like, if that's the path I end up following, it really fucking won't. I mean, maybe I'll find a few more people I can stand being around, maybe I'll wind up in a town that isn't quite as awful as this one, but it still just seems like such an empty existence.
And the thing is, some of the people putting that pressure on me are genuinely really good people, people I love. My parents, as caught up in the bullshit of civilization as they are, are some of the best people I know. They want me to follow the college-career path that I'm dreading, but they are also fucking paying for me to go to college, which is pretty incredibly fucking generous. And I'm super privileged in that I have a family who aren't assholes and, while by no means particularly rich, are well off enough that paying for 4 years of college without being completely ruined isn't totally impossible. Sometimes I talk about running away to live in the woods around them, but they still seem to think it's either a joke or just some escapist fantasy (and maybe they're right).
I just feel stuck. You know, this is really probably more of a "talk about it at therapy" thing but I guess I'm just having one of those nights where I need to get my thoughts out somehow. Maybe it would be best if nobody ever reads this.
Sorry for the weird rant.
ziq wrote
All I can tell you is what I did. Worked (in a warehouse), got a loan to buy 1 acre on remote farmland, planted trees, saved up to build a cheap house diy without permits.