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ziq wrote

Trustful parents are those who trust their children to play and explore on their own, to make their own decisions, and to make and learn from their own mistakes. Trustful parenting predominated through the long stretch of human history when we were all hunter-gatherers, and it served well the hunter-gatherers’ needs for people who were independent, responsible, and assertive, and who maintained an ethos of equality and personal freedom. With agriculture and land ownership, and subsequently with industry, social systems based on equality and freedom succumbed to those based on hierarchical power structures and servitude. The predominant parenting style shifted from trustful to directive-domineering, aimed at forcing children to labor in fields or factories and training them to be obedient to lords and masters

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noordinaryspider wrote

I have seen so much of this shift in both my local afk parenting communities and online in the past decade. There is also judgement against trustful parents and the assumption that a child who is not constantly being monitored, watched, and herded from one adult-directed activity to another is being "neglected".

I've noticed my paranoia affecting my parenting lately. I'm way too defensive around my minor child's and my mutual friends and too quick to assume that curiosity is judgement or that it is coming from someone who has power to hurt us rather than someone who is thinking ahead about how they want to raise their own kids someday and is actually intended as a compliment.

Since online interactions about parenting can have offline consequences, it's hard to know where to draw the line with oversharing as well. Sometimes I prefer to stay vague about whether I am having a philosophical discussion about helping kids grow and learn or evaluating practical alternatives for a personal situation.

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ziq wrote (edited )

I'm researching parenting because my partner and I want to adopt.

I greatly appreciate your posts on raddle due to this.

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noordinaryspider wrote

Thank you. I don't have any grandkids on the horizon but I still have stories to tell and hard-won experience to share.