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Fuck it I am done with invasive thoughts

Submitted by malifica in Vent

Holy fuck what?

As soon as I try to do something productive (or even just spend time by myself doing something that's not texting/social media) I'm flooded by invasive thoughts about friends' suicides (both real and imaginary) like seriously brain can you fucking stop? Can I do something without constant grief and fear?

Fuck you, brain.

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4

supernice wrote

Do you ever meditate? I can't do it well yet, but I'm better than I used to be about it.

I started to read this book called Catching the Big Fish (David Lynch wrote it) and he made this really cool comparison of the ocean and the the mind in it. As I recall, it was something along the lines of the all the ripples and waves you see on the surface of the water are like all the chatter we hear in our minds...never peaceful, just bouncing from one thought/wave to another constantly. Good meditation would be like diving deep into the ocean, very deep. There are no waves there, it's silent and still, and the mind relaxes.

I'm just drawing this from memory, so I'm sure he wrote it much better than I remember. I have not finished the book by the way, got sidetracked by two other books, but plan on going back to it once those are done.

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GrimWillow wrote

Hmm, I hadn't heard that one before, but for mindfulness meditation practice I always liked the analogy of the mountain:

You are the mountain, and you are still. The clouds that gently pass by are your thoughts. They will come to you and be there for a bit, but you will be the mountain and not go with them. So they shall pass as you stay and just let them pass.

Imagining myself as the mountain was helpful for my understanding of the process.

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supernice wrote

That's a nice one! Going to give that a go. I've been slipping a lot lately and not able to keep my focus.

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buzz wrote

FUCK BRAIN

it even goes as far as making me have dreams about people being mean to be that I forget but interalise and then get sad and then i realise and i am like FUCK, BRAIN why are you doing this to me?