Recent comments in /f/Queer

Catsforfun OP wrote

Ive struggled feeling like my gender is fake sometimes, because.. well, it isn't consistent and people have a hard time understanding nb, anyway. But thats ok, it just never made sense. My triggers make sense to me though, even if involuntarily changing my personality in response to them doesn't.

If I did get my alter/false self/whatever to collapse, then I would be a ciswoman, which also doesnt feel right. I feel nb has the breadth to encompass my experience, even if I dont feel nb 100% of the time and even if it IS just a trauma response. My femme part though, has really been wanting to be seen and I'm worried I invalidate her by claiming nonbinary status. Often, I feel that I have to appease them both at the same time, which is very very difficult.

I'm definitely going to talk to my therapist about it, but I have no idea if she has any experience with this.

I really appreciate your vulnerability; its been validating.


ayane_m wrote

I feel vulnerable when I share these things, but I don't mind opening up if it helps another person understand something.

In short, I relate to your post a lot. I'm trans, neurodivergent, and have DID stemming from C-PTSD and abuse. I, my main/core "persona", have a feminine gender identity, and I hid behind masculine alters because I never felt safe to front when I was younger.

I've struggled with DID and gender identity throughout my childhood and teen years. I developed many alters throughout the years to just get me through life, many of which were masculine or male, and some were agender. To make things even more complicated, my alters didn't all have the same sexuality; some were asexual, some were some were androphilic. This was all before I came out to myself as trans, so it added a lot of confusion to me understanding my identity. While I was aware that I would "switch" into a different "mode" in some situations, I didn't know what was happening, and it wasn't until adulthood that I learned I had DID due to the way some of my own memories were inaccessible because some alters were hiding them from me.

I now identify as a straight trans woman and I currently have only one other alter after "collapsing" many of the previous ones. I rarely dissociate these days, but both my alter and I are aware of each other and each other's identities, and we both understand that I'm the main "me".

Gender is weird, and I've found it easier to understand it not as some core feature of an individual, but rather as an attribute. With DID, there are many "personas", all of whom have different attributes - gender is just one of them. It might also help to discuss the issue with supportive people - maybe close friends, therapists, etc.


hasbrochem wrote

it's more nuanced than that. when you're born into a cult, your family, friends, neighbors, everyone important around you is part of it and you are lgbtq+, this is hard. the leadership, scriptures, family members, friends, everyone tells you how being non-cis-het is not just bad, but evil. that god hates people who are like this. that they're going to hell. this fucks someone up really really bad. this is just for those who are growing up in the cult now and not even talking about all those that were told to just get married to someone of the opposite sex, that god will "fix" them, everything will be fine. just have lots and lots of kids...with a person you're not attracted to.

god is love. god HATES lesbains! god HATES gays! god HATES queers! god HATES homosexuals! god HATES trans people! GOD HATES!!

when you're taught that this life is a preparatory state to live eternally with god, that the only way to return to live with god is by being cis-het and married to someone of the opposite sex in their holy temple and in the same breath told that god hates those who don't follow this and that they will be cast off forever. that's some pretty powerful punch and can fuck a person up really bad.

I've spent nights talking to kids in this fucking cult, letting them know they're not alone, god didn't make a mistake with them, that there's not a goddamn thing wrong with them. and please don't jump off a bridge onto the freeway. don't swallow a bullet. don't hang yourself. don't drink rat poison. don't slit your wrists...and then to lose some of them anyway.

this rule was only about kids of lgbt people (they ignore q+ and also b persons, though they include the latter in the acronym), which has more to do with societal norms and whether your kids will have any friends while growing up or not (in areas with high mormon populations, those who aren't mormon will be welcomed with open arms until they show they are not interested in joining the cult, then they will be shunned for the most part--there are always exceptions, but they're just that--and if you go to church but aren't baptized after 8 y/o, it's the kiss of death and you will lose all friends and interactions).

ideally, the cult would be burned to the ground and stop existing but that's not going to happen any time soon sadly. so we keep fighting.


selver wrote (edited )

The move may be seen as loosening a highly restrictive approach to its LGBT members, but the church reiterated that it considers same-sex marriage by a member to be "a serious transgression."

"While we cannot change the Lord's doctrine, we want our members and our policies to be considerate of those struggling with the challenges of mortality," the church said in its message, released during a general conference leadership session of the First Presidency in Salt Lake City.

Not that major a shift.

LGBT people shouldn't want to get baptized into this cult in the first place.


hasbrochem wrote

utah: one of the last states to pass laws against marital rape and now finally getting lgbt hate crime laws passed. glad they finally did it but the place is a fucking shit hole to live if you're not cishet white male (mormon, this one can be ignored if you're the rest) and conservative.