Submitted by [deleted]
on June 11, 2019 at 11:22 PM in Queer
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I don't like telling people to address me as anything. If I start thinking I have control over other people's use of language, I'll only become frustrated when I inevitably realize I a) don't have that authority over people, or that b) that authority only comes with a cost to my autonomy, and ultimately I'm imbibing the other party with the authority to decide whether to perceive me the way I request they perceive me. I'm giving them the power to hurt me. I become vulnerable when they suddenly have the authority to accept me or reject me.
So say I ask them to call me Xe.
If they refuse, then I just opened myself up to emotional devastation, humiliation, domination, blackmail, and other nasty things. It gives them way more personal information than I'm willing to part with. Information they can use to dominate me further.
If they comply to my request, then suddenly they're doing me a favor and I owe them. This creates an immediate power imbalance. That favor can then be retracted at any time if they suddenly decide they no longer like me. So I just opened myself up to emotional devastation, humiliation, domination, blackmail, and other nasty things.
Both scenarios result in them gaining power over me and me being dominated by them.
Binary people have attacked me for being non-binary in the past and it's not worth it to me to open myself up to attack like that. I try to make a habit of not giving anyone any power over me, which means giving them as little information as possible.
I told someone I live on an acre of land and they used it to tarnish me. I told someone I'm a vegan and they used it to tarnish me. I told someone about a genetic disorder I have and they used it to shame me and try and talk me into killing myself after we had a falling out. I told someone where I live and they used it to dox me when we had a disagreement and try to get fascists to come after me.
Information is power. People are thoroughly corrupted by civilization and the power-hierarchies it creates and will do horrible things to people using any information they have that can be weaponized. Anything that grants them power over me can be used to hurt me either right away or later on.
I agree with Ziq, honestly. It simply might not be worth it to work through a sea of assholes and bullies to reach the 1% of people worth defending. Especially if your life is on the line as it is with LGBT+ individuals.
damned if i haven't thought the same
i want to believe it's possible to be myself somewhere where others knowledge of me cannot be weaponized without quick retaliation from me and my friends (in this scenario; haha i dont have friends like that yet; nice). seems like divulging info could be separated from power balances in this place