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celebratedrecluse wrote (edited )

I think that it really depends on the people you're trying to share space with, and what they want. You should be aware that your privilege will warp peoples' ability to be straight up with you when they don't want you occupying space. You should do your best to cultivate your powers of social perception if you are going to walk this line.

However, in most of the places I inhabit, I feel more comfortable with my comrades, regardless of their personal positionality or heritage/background. Just because someone is trans, queer, a femme/woman, disabled, racially marginalized, an immigrant, or any other category does not really infer anything about them as a person: whether they are kind, generous, respectful, sharing the same concerns & interests as the rest of us, etc. I try to make judgements about who I exercise my freedom of association with based on those qualities, and the behaviors that stem from these personal traits, rather than making judgements which are based on my estimation of their relative privilege.

One reason I do this is because of my experience of queerness, and that of people I know. By definition, it takes time for people to grow into who they really are. What I think defines a person are their choices, which cannot be retroactively changed, but are also continually immanent. My perspective on this is that I don't believe in a secular predestination, I would prefer to be hurt/disappointed taking the chance on someone (to a certain extent) than to feel I am writing people off who don't deserve it (to a certain extent).

However, there are a lot of people who avoid cis white men for many completely legitimate reasons. I'm not sure how many people share my perspective.

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