god save me from the pride discourse

Submitted by Dumai in Queer

"NO sexy stuff at pride cos the straights will judge us" i see somebody post

i say that's bullshit

someone else replies

"thanks i'm so sick of people judging me for wearing fetish clothing to pride"

i can't




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retiredshared2 wrote (edited )

The BDSM consent writeup is relevant here, I think, and should cover that base.

I had to have this conversation with a BDSM couple who came into my coffee shop once, her on a leash at two o’clock in the afternoon in pretty skimpy, fetish-y clothing. Basically, what I said was, “I am a huge part of your scene right now. The look on my face, my words, my thoughts, my feelings, they’re what’s fueling the very scene you’re playing out, so how are you going to tell me that everyone involved is consenting? You didn’t ask for my consent. I didn’t fill out a negotiation form. You don’t know my background, my history, my kinks, or my safeword, but you come into my place of work and expect to play out a scene with me without even asking?”

She was mortified. He tried to argue with me, but couldn’t continue once I said, “I do not consent to being part of your scene,”

The other people at pride haven't yet consented. You can't wear fetish gear for that reason. However, we also shouldn't be 'clean'; that's what lead to the alienation of the gay community that forced the Stonewall riots that pride marks anyway.


[deleted] wrote (edited )


Dumai wrote

Basing sexual politics on the avoidance of any possible uncomfortability, rather than the maximation of pleasure


sexual politics absolutely should be about consent, fuck off if you value the "maximation of pleasure" (the word you're looking for maximisation, by the way) over treating people like human beings with agency

and especially fuck you if you're putting LGBT politics next to a straight couple demanding a public audience for the fact they're turned on by petplay


retiredshared2 wrote

Sexual and romantic minorities also include asexual and aromantic groups, and to stress sex, especially for groups that hasn't consented, you would thus be excluding and alienating them. I'm all for sex positivity, and an advocate of such, but consent is always and will always be central.


Dumai wrote (edited )

i'm not really here for asexuals who think LGBT politics are too sexual for them either

in fact i actually think that's kind of homophobic

goddamit i really can't win can i


retiredshared2 wrote

oh no that's not what I meant

I was just using that against their argument with the fact that wearing fetish gear would thus discount other minorities, alongside your point of consent. I've agreed with you for the mostpart in this thread, including with that.