Submitted by ObiwanHelloThere_wav in Queer

I listened to this during a longboarding session last week, and it's been on my mind ever since. I agree with its premise, but it's made me question a few things.

The main thing being, as a gay man married to another gay man, I've never seen my marriage as an act of "normalcy," though I suppose it is. For us, it's more of a personal and cultural symbolic act that binds our love and committment to each other, and I see it as something entered into entirely of our own volition, not because we felts like we "have to" or "should." In fact, we co-habitated for 5 years before ever getting married.

I do agree though that it is problematic to somehow make this the "normal" for everyone. For instance, I'm acquainted with poly people who have disclosed to me how they sometimes feel "othered" for the type of relationship they choose to have.

Yet, our marriage certainly did come bound with certain cultural norms. The religion in which we both were raised (Protestant Christianity) definitely led us to be married in a church, which itself can be seen as an oppressive agency.

There's a lot to unpack. Add to this the fact that my husband and I are both trauma survivors, and it is often hard to parse out our motivations for doing and acting.

I'd hate to think I'm part of the problem.

I'd like to hear anyone's thoughts about any part of this essay, not just this. I've listened to it a second time, and it's still giving me a lot to think about.



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QuicksilverDragon wrote

so what are you gonna do, divorce your husband just so you arent part of a state sponsored union, jump through all the hoops that entails, just to stay with him anyway? nah, forget about it. rebel in other ways. organise with local queers. spread the good word. fight for trans rights, and don't take yours for granted. do other things essay suggests. and it's a good essay. think of it this way: the easiest way not to participate cisheteropatriarchal capitalism is to dismantle it


Lettuce wrote (edited )

Analysis is to make ppl thinking differently to decide how they want to live. It's not like some list of sins to avoid. I think the normalcy of abrahamic religion ends up m and any analysis about what is negative feels like a list of sins to avoid.

Doing things that reinforce oppressive systems is part of life. Avoiding is good but I make ur compromises. It's up to u do decide, how u want to live. U can still understand how marriage and the nuclear family reinforces oppressive stuff but still do it.

Also ppl have a understanding of "bad things" that is outside of abrahamic conceptions. Everyone does fucked up things so I won't be cast out. Now some of the more Christian sects of anarchists (leftists) will just cast ppl out for most transgressions. But IDknI still can get along with ppl who have made oppressive contributions bc the world is complex and I'm not super interested in solving problems through excommunication.

So stuff like this is something for u to think about and be more informed and have more information to make ur own choices of agency. It's not a rulebook u must follow to a kid getting kicked out of the church of anarchy. [Keep in mind there definely are ppl who don't think like me but fuck em]


ObiwanHelloThere_wav OP wrote

Oh, thank you. I think yours is a healthy perspective. Just goes to show how deeply this concept of "sin" and "purity" runs that I was still subconsciously subscribed to it even while trying to digest this essay.

I'm so thankful that I listened to it regardless because it's given me so much food for thought.