Submitted by AnarchoDoom in Queer (edited )

Straight culture has for the most part always made me lonely and stranded, due to not having the right social skills or relational approach, when it wasn't only due to my reluctance of going by valued social norms and trends. In straight world, everyone knows how the women side is expected to be passive and contemplative while the men side is the one that makes the advances, pushes with a plan, talks first, etc. That's always been too much work for me.

Straight culture is despicably capitalistic, based on exclusive gimmicks of win/lose, gain/lose and "social performance". I'm not just referring to be more obvious example of douchey normie subcultures, but also all the pretend "progressive" milieus of more Lefty-minded people. The fact of owning a BMW or a big truck ain't a huge signifier compared to easy access to sex partners, along with nice apartments and other resources. All the straight couples and families, as well as the poly-groups I see around see to relish in their consolidated relationships, that often is connected to their social status.

Despite some claims of polyamory with the more progressive people, the so-called polycules of mostly-hetero people tend to be very exclusive, with standards for mating relate to age groups and/or socio-economic standing. Sex is still being treated as a transactional intercourse, part of the capital accumulation of the group, and exclusion to it thereof.

But I still have straight desires, and don't see a reason why these desires should change, as desire follows the shape of a person. I often feel like a women, which makes gay men go after me (something I never like too much), yet also desire the feminine. I never connected with this manly man view of men, always felt it like some unattainable format.

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celebratedrecluse wrote

But I still have straight desires, and don't see a reason why these desires should change, as desire follows the shape of a person.

Are our desires not produced by conditions and choices? They are a moving target, and if not reinforced most tend to fade (psychological habituation). Sexuality, as complex as it is, is one of the best examples of this I think-- there are many examples, human and non-human, that show the mutability and permeability of sexuality as a field of animal activity. I don't know that it is self-evident to me that your, or my, desires are just there. Something must be reproducing them, no? But you would be the expert on your own desires and situation, so I am curious if you want to discuss further and expound on this subject.

Interesting post btw. thanks for sharing your thoughts

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AnarchoDoom OP wrote (edited )

To me, sexual prefenrence is like people liking parsley and those not standing it, or people preferring to walk, over biking or skating. I ain't significantly different... just that it's about an aspect of life (sexual intercourse, and related desires/preferences) that is still morally being swept under the rug.

But it's part of someone's traits, personality, but not all that makes them appreciable as a person. I refuse to see this as a kind of central identity value. You're gay or bi? You're straight? That's not very important.. neither very defining of your quality as a person.

Yet society keeps making it a central identitarian matter, which ain't quite right... "Society" should instead start to come clean with its repression of sexuality in the first place.

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Fool wrote

On the last point, I feel somewhat similar, and I think in this regard the older term genderqueer was much better than non-binary is.
At least to me, genderqueer just means that something about your gender doesn't match the current societal standards. It's queer (weird). Nothing specific about, just different.

If you haven't read Baeden already, I would definitely suggest it as a great text.

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AnarchoDoom OP wrote (edited )

Yes, well I've read a little of it. But Baedan having been first presented to me as a kinda "gay-focused" publication turned me away for a while. But I'm finding out the rabbit hole's much deeper, so thanks! ;-)

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Fool wrote

Dont worry, I did something similar based on the title, even though I already considered myself queer.

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inthedustofthisplanet wrote (edited )

But like why are you transphobic? 🤔🤔🤔

https://raddle.me/f/AskRaddle/132583/-/comment/218588

I see this behavior a lot with non-straight cis people. They think they are radicool, but ultimately just want go parrot their uncle on FB. Them darn kids inventing new genders, what happened to penis = man and vagina = woman like amirite?

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