Submitted by 666bore in Queer

Why do a lot of queer/trans people dislike this term so much? I've referred to myself as a femboy. I understand how trap can be bad. Idk, is it invalidating to trans people? I felt good and comfortable with this term. But seeing how some trans people demonize it...I'm like fuck am I just a cross dresser? Do I wanna be a girl? Shits so confusing and when I thought I understood I see people disagree.



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lastfutures wrote

Some people get so woke they start defending the gender binary again.


666bore OP wrote

Lol yeah that's how I see ppl who get bent out of shape by "femboy". Thanks for the response


Stigmata wrote

It’s frustrating as a gay dude when people, especially those not within the LGBT community come in and start policing my culture. I think people getting offended by terms like femboy fit into that category.

I’ve had straight people explain to me unironically that drag is offensive, and I have to hold back and not tell them to fuck off.

Most of the time people getting offended by this are getting offended on the behalf of others who they think are offended but probably are not. It’s like a competition to try and be more woke and it is super annoying.


666bore OP wrote

Yeah I agree with you on that. It definitely seems like virtue signaling. Nice to hear someone else's input thank you


kerchigga wrote

Most of the people I see using it are femboys who call themselves and each other femboys or their friends.


conquestoftoast wrote

Depends on who’s using it and directing it. I’m a tw and if someone used it to describe me I’d be pissed.


FuckCopyright wrote

It's seen almost the same as "trap" with some of them. I generally think incorrect usage is what they're taking issue to.


rot wrote

I've never met anyone who hates the term (how's it different than 'butch' or 'tomboy' for women?) but I've wondered if it is used too much like "trap" is used to fetishize feminine men online


stealThaInternet wrote

Well, trap has more to do with being "trapped". Usually younger males dressing in feminine clothing, to the point were they are indistinguishable from female and the one being seduced is unaware and 'trapped' into a relationship essentially. It comes from anime/manga, it usually isn't applied to actual people, from my understanding, except those who self-identify as such.

It could be considered offensive for a whole list of reasons, but in a culture which finds sex offensive, anything remotely sexual will be offensive.


trashcan wrote

It might have gotten popularized in English speaking anime communities, but doesn't really come from anime and manga. It's also kind of always been used to describe real people regardless of their identity. There's also transphobic and homophobic ideas that are kind of implied by the term.


stealThaInternet wrote

well, I guess the new generation doesn't really see it that way.

every single word that can identify someone as trans or non-het will be used as a slur. I don't see what the point of classifying them one as worse than the other. I just think the whole taboo word culture around sex (bad or good), is just a manifestation of christian values into the lgbtq community.


rot wrote

I've heard/seen it being used to refer to trans woman in a negative way, as in they are trying to tick men into having sex which makes them gay and other transphobic/ homophobic stuff. femboy less so


masque wrote (edited )

I think "femboy" has either acquired or has always had a more fetish-y connotation based on how it's used in context. I mean, when I DuckDuckGo or Bing search "femboy" the top results are porn. (Google seems to have avoided this, though).

In contrast, the roughly analogous "tomboy" doesn't really have a sexual connotation, nor is it even thought of as a queer identity.


Ennui wrote

You ever noticed how in movies the term tomboy is used for people who eventually meet a male that converts them back to femininity? Romance is fucked up.


RainOfPain125 wrote

I don't see anything wrong with the term "femboy" it simply means "feminine male". Of course 99.9% of queer folks wouldn't say being a feminine male is wrong, but its something about the term femboy that is upsetting.

For the person I used to love, they didn't like the word because it was "overused by hypersexual and toxic guys as if whoring themselves out". Which might make sense? idk.


StainedMattress wrote

Why do people name themselves anything, I don't understand this new reality at all. If I like an individual, I like them. Doesn't matter the category... to me...