Why I Love Grindr

Submitted by RichOldWhiteMan in Queer (edited )

When I was in high school I was a shithead. I feel into the common culture that it was really important to have sex with people. I was really worried about it and constantly worried if I was good enough for someone to have sex with me. I based a lot of my self worth around it.

Later when I was interesting in having sex with men in a totally 100% non homo way I downloaded grindr. I knew nothing other than it was a may to meet gay people. I made my profile. If you haven't used grindr br it's different than tinder. Grindr has no match system. It's a catalog and if you click on someone's profile you can dm them and send them pics.

So as soon as I finished my profile I started getting tons of dickpics from senior citizens. Its was fairly horrifying. One of them looked like my grandpa. Pretty fucked up tbh.

But when I was talking to different people I was shocked with how efficent some of them were. Some attractive men started DMing me to have sex with them that night. They could even pick me up in the next half hour. Its was a astonishing experience.

After that I never really worried about sex being a focus of my self worth. I realized that I could have sex with people pretty easily and even unattractive people were having. sex with each other. My notions on immense beauty standards and toxic masculine ideals of sex were crushed. Which made me a much better person.

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condensation_arrangement wrote

woah that's really interesting bc i had the exact opposite experience... grindr has been decimating my body image and ability to feel attractive .... the beauty standards r so condensed into one specific type (hence the high number of faceless torso pics), and 'masc only' is something i see a lot even now... needless to say toxically masculine. maybe it would be a more fun experience if i was masc. so

My notions on immense beauty standards and toxic masculine ideals of sex were crushed.

i was shocked to read this about grindr hahaha. maybe it depends a lot on location ?

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RichOldWhiteMan OP wrote

I actually havmt used grindr that much. I've talked to people but never met someone I would want to meet with irl. I'm not that masculine either.

Maybe I just had pretty low standards. I had never really had someone show interest in me before, so having so many people talk to me helped a lot.

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condensation_arrangement wrote

yeah i get that too ...i guess for me it becomes very cold, what with the stats and stuff...like looking at it say 200 ppl viewed you today and getting 1 or 2 msgs is kinda demoralizing....feels like im reading hotness data about myself lol

but yea it can go either way: either it reminds u that ppl wanting to have sex w/u isn't a determinant of self worth or it exaggerates that it is

(i also lost faith in it knowing that the founder isn't queer (i think?) and is against gay marriage ...makes it feel like we're a product)

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Vulgar_Soda wrote

makes it feel like we're a product

That's because we are. It's disturbing, isn't it? That human relationships can be distilled into a few sordid pics and a sentence long bio. It positions "dating" as a marketplace, where your value is determined by bigger numbers. More likes, more messages, more ionizing hook ups, from better marketing of the self, etc. These apps just further amplify all the ills of modern day courtship (in the US, at least), with a hyper focus on physical attraction and status markers. Better work on that personal's resume or you'll die alone!

I wholly reject dating through online means. Well. I did. I want to. but jesus fuck, getting a date right now seems impossible. I'm afraid to get near 6 feet of people. How am I supposed to convince a stranger to give me cuddles and some tongue during a bad Netflix movie? I wonder what the stats are on porn site usage during this pandemic. I would wager porn usage has increased, as we are further alienated from genuine human connection. I started playing a bartender video game just to get my dive bar fix! The simulacrum envelops lonely hopefuls, as a pocket sized sex delivery system on demand turns into the only reliable means of feeding a primal urge.

Every week, I think, this will be the week I finally take the plunge and download a dating app. Then I remember those articles detailing the gross trends from people dating on OK Cupid. Why would I support something that supports white supremacy and the patriarchal status quo? I don't want to be a part of a business model that makes money off of broken hearts and disappointment. and yet, every week, I think I might do it. The bartending game is fun, but I can't go to bed with a digital waifu. ... Not yet, anyway.

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RichOldWhiteMan OP wrote

I totally know how you feel. I'm more experienced with other apps like OK cupid. I only downloaded it since I wanted to talk to people romantically with covid and all. Its was pretty awful as I got like 3 matches within a 1 hour away radius which included a major city. All of which ghosted me. Honestly meeting people irl is fuckloads times nicer than apps. Though I'm fine with dating non queer people so that wouldn't be the same for others.

I ended up giving up bc it was just making me feel bad about myself. I even got my hopes up bc I saw a few people that were green anarchists but no matched :(. I think this feeling is the same for most people that use dating apps. Maybe comodified dating is supposed to be shitter. Though thats not hard to do considering that dating in general is pretty terrible.

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Vulgar_Soda wrote

having sex with men in a totally 100% non homo way

H-how would this even look like? Asking for a friend.

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RichOldWhiteMan OP wrote

I had giant ass blinders and a side helping of denial

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rot wrote (edited )

is crazy* how well we deny what we think is abnormal

it's bizarre

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RichOldWhiteMan OP moderator wrote

I agree with your point but it would be much more preferable to use less ableist language. The use of crazy wasn't the best choice.

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shootapp wrote

Personally I find Grindr pretty toxic. Now don't get me wrong--it's the best tool out there for meeting guys for fun. And there are some decent people on there. But by and large it's a waste of time. People just lurk and don't chat, and you have no way of knowing whether someone is likely to reply. Once in a while you'll get people who just want to chat forever or collect pics, and either way it never goes anywhere. Sometimes it's because they can't host, sometimes it's because they're just nervous or uncertain what they want. And sometimes they are catfish or flakes. I'm working on an experimental app at shoot.chat to try to fix some of those issues. Of course it's just a hobby and there isn't an enormous "community" like you'd find on Grindr. I wish that there was a site that would adopt some of these ideas and at least present an alternative. There are lots of other apps, but in my opinion they are all Grindr-wannabes. We really need something totally new and fresh.

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