gone settler gone wrong

I Like to Hear Myself Talk

Submitted by lettuceLeafer in OnLettuceLeafersAuthority

Yeah just wtf. So finally working basically part time and should be done in like a week or two. so I'm kinda freaking out bc now I'm back to being the master of my own future and all my plans are destroyed, I've been taking nothing but losses for months and no clue what my game plan is. My mom has decided shes moving out and taking my brother so I won't be watching him soon most likely. So there is all this drama as he doesn't want to go and my dad is pissed about not seeing his kid. I don't want nothing to do with it and hes trying to rope me into it. So I better get the fuck out as soon as I can. I'm going to get roping into that and stay stuck if I don't.

So I have some ability to make money online. I'm way way out of practice but I should be fine I just gotta be anal about my costs for living and not take any real financial risks and my savings should cover me until I get back into the groove of things. Which tbh is my only real hope as with my skill set I can only really make minimum wage anyway so internet freelance stuff is my best bet tbh. Or irl sexwork stuffs but I'm bad af at that and don't really like it much.

So in my area rural farm land shit is super expensive as farmaland has hit like 15k an acre around here. And besides I couldn't afford a house or get a morgage. So I gotta look to nearby areas. The closest town is like getting kinda rich so rent is getting like 800 900 a month which is more than I would wanna spend plus I'm not interested in that kinda life at all.

If I check classifides u can sometimes find pretty damn good deals but idk I think I would have a hard time convincing the individual landlords. I mean there are like 500 bucks a month every once and a while if u make sure to snatch it up fast but that takes a long time of waiting do to the small amount of non morgage housing. And I guess I could do a run looking at other rural areas but that again takes time, hard to convince landlords and requires a car which I'm only borrowing atm so don't really wanna buy that as I feel that would be asking a favor which gets me into all kinda predicaments. Plus cars are kinds expensive too. So even if u get a 500 dollar apartment it becomes a lot more expensive if u have to maintain a car too.

So then more of that u look to the nearby city which is super cheap for a city tbh. U can find nice apartments for like 800 - 900 which is a lot tbh. Tho if u go to mainly black peoople area u can find stuff under 650. I actually have a chance getting an apartment in the corportate housing which is know for bad conditions and like I kid u not in a 1 mile area over 1 person gets shot a week. And that is super reasonable like 550 for a studio. But after that stuff gets more expensive.

So I did send some applications. No one has gotten back to me and I cant get ahold of the super cheap apartment that would be sick. The more rough nieghborhood does need a car but grocery deliveries are cheap and u can get by with walking and uber sometimes.

But idk on some level I think getting an apartment would be a bad idea. I like struggle as it helps u learn and combat adversity better. Getting an apartment doesn't build skills like more rag tag living and idk its super stagnant so its easy to get into a routine and get boomer brain. Plus if Im getting food delivered and working online I might loose my mind. I mean I"m terrminally online so I would like it but like on a physical level I would not be better off if I just stayed in a studio apartment most days and rarely talked to anyone and didn't have much day to day struggle or reason to differentiate the days.

Now my other option is airbnb vagabond like since I would not deal with the anxiety of squatting well or want that bc stressful. U can rent a room in peoples house pretty easily for 600 or less if u plan a couple months ahead. Idk if I wanna do that tho as living in a house with a landlord sounds like a potential hell. But option nontheless. For apartments and stuff u can get under 900 tho if u don't book ahead of time its more like 1200.

Idk I'm just mixed. I think apartments would be a mistake but if I live the vagabond life that could be a mistake too. Maybe its hard to book back to back so I have to buy expensive day to day stuff and it gets real expensive. I won't be able to pack my fav things like my blender. I am super mixed about bringing a instapot with me. Like yeah its heavy and bulky but like being able to eat dried bean makes food way way cheaper. so I think its worth it. I will miss my blender. I will also miss the desktop computer as I'm enough of a tech nerd that I will sometimes use two computer and the extra processing power is actually really nice. Tho if I end up needing it for work I can allways buy a nice laptop. The one I have now is fine and good enough.

So yeah cool stuff I'll miss but its fine. Also if I do air bnb I will have acess to nicer furniture so thats cool. Plus its more expensive but u get other benefits like utilities included and not having to clean and stuff. Plus it might be worth it just to save my pride as the landlord tennant dynamic seems to be way different. With the landlords more catering to the tennant due to reviews mattering a ton.

Often when I write these I'm worked up so I write to clear my thoughts. And now writing this I think airbnb is best. Bc it leaves my options open. If I do it for a couple months and its incredibly expensive I can just get an apartment. If I get an apartment I'll be locked into a lease. Tho with airbnb I leave things open which allows me to potentially get a deal or doing something new in the future. Yeah I'll go book something soon so I don't have to worry about it.

On another note just recently the concept of moving to latin america crossed my mind. Ovi wouldn't do it now as I don't know spanish and havn't really thought about it. But its something to think about. Its way cheaper and tbh I'm kinda culturally lost. Like idk I like rural poor life but idk stuff is just expensive and you don't really make any money. Its more a corporate game now. And besides i don't really like animal ag for ovi reasons and driving a bunch of equipment isn't interesting at all. So idk I'm used to living a more poor and working life but that door is kinda closed so u gotta adept to a far more rich and out of touch existance with a bunch of privleged and out of touch people. Idk if I wanna work as a tech bro I guess I just gotta get over it.

But my point is culturally I don't really have a place anymore. I don't have any friends in person. I don't like my family. I like my brother I guess. My attempts at owning property all failed. So I don't really have anything rooting my down or a place that is where I belong really. So its hard to figure out where to live as I'm out of place regardless. So sure u can go to white ass aras but its expensive but isn't going to poorer places gentrification and colonization and all that. Idk I've talked about it before my struggle between thinking its benefitial to live in new places and my struggles with not liking the whole expat concept and stuff. Plus travel is so fucking extravagant bc planes and cars cause lots of harm.

Something I'll think on tho. Basically guess I'm just gonna pull the trigger and be a vagabond for a while. Oh god, fuck I'm gonna look like one of those digital nomad fucks. Shit. Yuck. Okay what I'm doing is out of no other options and not really wanting to be a tourist okay. I'm gonna cope and refuse to belive I'm like those piece of shit digital nomads when in reality thats what I'm doing. You all better not reply with "ok digital nomad who thinkings being a settler in one country isn't enough" bc it would prob be true.

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asterism wrote

Oh god, fuck I'm gonna look like one of those digital nomad fucks. Shit. Yuck. Okay what I'm doing is out of no other options and not really wanting to be a tourist okay. I'm gonna cope and refuse to belive I'm like those piece of shit digital nomads when in reality thats what I'm doing. You all better not reply with "ok digital nomad who thinkings being a settler in one country isn't enough" bc it would prob be true.

From the sidebar:

Any comment or post in this forum that represents lettuceleafer as anything less than infallible and amazing in everyway will be removed.

Does this mean you need to ban yourself now?


Family stuff sounds like a mess sounds like a good time to jump ship.

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lettuceLeafer OP wrote

oh fuck ur right

yeah, not something I'm super happy about but ehh I really should. Being a conservative who cares about family blood and all that are boring. Tho also cutting ties with help and support outside of economic systems are cool. So I am mixed by yeah I agree that its the right call. lol

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lettuceLeafer OP wrote

oh also considering my politics is based on what works with me I've been making a lot of thinking about what I want and how I plan things. So I should write and start sorting it out soon. So idk if anyones interested in that lol.

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